My mother will not bathe. It has been a year and a half since she has showered. She "supposedly" bathes at the sink, which she was doing at first. Now however, she does not, and we can tell because she smells. She wears a cath for urinating, and has trouble with number two. She had a failed back operation three years ago, and was able to walk behind a walker when she first came home (which is why we agreed to let her come home. We had her in Assisted Living for a year before that. Now that she has been home for a year, she is progressively getting worse by her own choice. First she refused to walk, and would only do a wheelchair, now she is refusing to get out of bed most of the time. She gets very irate when we mention any bathing at all. She has a visting nurse come once every three weeks to change her cath and take vitals. She refuses anything else. My sis and I do everything else. She also has COPD, and smoking was one of the reasons why she wanted to go home and stay out of any assisted living. She does not do anything she is told "for her own good," and continually makes bad choices that affect my sis and I (because we have to pick up the pieces then). She is sharp as a tack (only 77) and never gives an inch. We have talked to her many times about bathing-offered to pay for someone to come in and do it for her, but she refuses. I guess my question is: How do you help someone that refuses to take help at every turn? This goes for doctor vistis, bathing, exercising (which has been told to do and also refuses-we have had PT come there numerous times), etc. AND how can a mother feel OK about having her children see her waste away, but not do anything to help herself? Is it "tough love" time?