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You are in a difficult place in your life now and I do feel compassion for you. You say you care for him yet he isn't meeting your needs and he tells you it's pretty much over between you two but then he tell's you he loves you. I think if he really wanted a relationship with you, he could find time to see you more even if he is taking care of his family. Sometimes couples fall into a situation where they just become a habit with each other and don't really have a true relationship. You can't expect him to fix your problems of loneliness and unhappiness, you must do that. Maybe ask him to set aside a specific time for the two of you to work through finalizing your breakup, to divide the assets up and then get on with your life. Look forward to sharing your life with someone who wants to be with you and stop looking at your past and how things once were between you and him. You are young enough to find a nice partner and enjoy a long, happy life with someone worthy of you.
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So, what did you expect as a response to what you're describing as basically intolerable? Hang in there? You were encouraged to make a positive move rather than be suffering beyond comprehension. You're right. Others may not be able to comprehend. Find a way to get the finances untangled and you'll start feeling empowered rather than begging to be taken in.
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Info on Common Law Marriage in Texas:

TEXAS

Common Law Marriage: Yes. Requirements: (1) A man and woman who want to establish a common-law marriage must sign a form provided by the county clerk. In addition, they must (2) agree to be married, (3) cohabit, and (4) represent to others that they are married.
Same-Sex Marriage: No
Domestic Partnership / Civil Union: Same-sex and different-sex couples can register a domestic partnership in Travis County. You do NOT need to be a resident of the county to register.
Living Together/Cohabitation: Legal
State Bar Contact – Find A Lawyer: State Bar of Texas
Free or Low Cost Legal Services: Texas Law Help – Family Law
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You do know that "common law" was abolished in every State? Since 1979. Far more than 14 years ago

Just so you know...he has no obligations to you. You don't even receive his social security benefit when you reach 65....cause you were not married.

Honestly, I believe that a commitment is marriage....anything else is just fine till he takes a walk.

I believe you are being used....and have been for 14 years. This is just the newest installment..
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Laurieann, I have family in TX and wondered if that's where you were from. It sounds like your husband made a choice (even though the situation did not demand it.)

It sounds like there is a lot of drama there in his family. First, do you want to be a part of that?

I am really sorry about your mom. You made a good point that her loss might be making you afraid of losing anyone else. Instead of thinking about "losing" your husband, why don't you instead start thinking of what you want for yourself, and start tryng to build that life? Just doing one thing at a time to make your house more your space, or getting accounts in your own name...it doesn't need to be one big swoop. Just little steps so that as things progress you will be ok whether he stays where he is or whether he gets his parents' situation under control and comes back.

Your husband has a choice to extricate himself from the situation. There may be assistance for them that would get them help in their home (though I've heard TX is behind in the times when it comes to healthcare programs -- not sure about social services.) He might be in crisis mode and not thinking about your feelings; it is good to give people a little leeway in those situations. I'm about the same age you are, though, and I feel like we are getting to that age with family and our own health where ---- starts to hit the fan, and it is hard to have a partner who can't hold your hand through rough times.
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Instead of being compassionate, I sense that people are annoyed with me. How strange. I am in counseling., by the way! When you invest 14 years of your life with someone, it takes a while to just up & say "I quit." I don't have any strength right now, physically or mentally.  I just lost my mother a year ago, so not only am I still grieving, but I am also stressed, depressed and scared for my future. My spouse pays for everything. I have my cell phone in his name, we have bank accounts together, and share everything. It will take some time. I need to go back to work, which I haven't in a long time, because he has supported me, and I now take care of my dad now, who is very helpless and an elder himself. The relationship with my spouse used to be fun. We used to always travel, go out, go to dinner, snuggle, etc. He gave it all up for his parents, who are in their late 80s. He always tells me, "Wouldn't you have done the same for your parents?" I tell him of course I would, but I would at least visit more often. My FIL is almost completely bed bound. He wears an adult diaper, has to be spoon fed, and the only one who does anything to help him is my spouse. His siblings, the ones he has a relationship with do not help with the parents at all, even though they live in the same town, about four miles away.  It's in a border town, and everything is done at a turtle's pace there too.  Home health only comes by once every two weeks. All they do is check my FIL's blood pressure & sugar levels. They don't help bathe him, or anything like that. They said in order to get those kinds of benefits, my spouse would have to get a separate order from the doctor. Literally, my spouse is the only one taking care of two people. He  has tried to hire help, and the first woman he found stole a bunch of things from the house, then the second one keeps calling in sick. She hasn't even been there a month, and has already taken off for more than a week. My spouse won't get rid of her. He said he wants to give her the benefit of the doubt. He also is the only one who knows how to give medication to his parents. His sister was left with that responsibility one time, and she ended up giving my FIL's meds to my MIL, and one of the meds was Seroquel. My 86-year old MIL fell on the floor, and the ambulance had to be called. Nobody is reliable down there.  By the way, I am in Texas, which does have common law marriages. I will describe my relationship differently. I am in a long-term relationship of 14 years. We lived together the whole time, minus when he left and never came back. We talk about three times an hour, and he always tells me, "I love you" before he hangs up. It is hard to let go, because I keep thinking about the good times we used to have, plus we have a lot of financial ties together, including shared property. 
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Give.up on him. BTW, "common law marriages" aren't that common. Do you even live in a state.where that occurs? If you don't think of yourself as having a legal tie to him maybe it will be easier to move. Try counseling if you need to have help in breaking off from a guy who has no time for you or any interest in being with you.
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Why is it that you 'love' him? He treats you as though you're his mom and he's a spoiled toddler.

Move along. Consider it a life lesson you've learned.
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You feel used? Good perception. You are being used.

You do nothing every night but worry about his health and stress? Good heavens, an attractive, fit 42 year old woman who is not in a committed relationship (and you aren't) should be able to find lots more interesting things to do than that.

This relationship is broken. Is it worth fixing? Doesn't sound like it to me, but if it is to you, consider couple counseling. He won't go? Go to counseling yourself and find out why you are putting up with being used. You deserve better.
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