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I was warned she's not going to get better. As much as we've always had an acrimonious relationship all of my life, this is just tearing me down because I know now she just cannot help it. Doesn't make it easier. I am now just trying to get us through the next holiday and the New Year's. I need so many prayers.

AlvaDeer, I'm looking into that right now. Thank you!
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Happy Holidays, Rbuser. I absolutely LOVE how you say that you "crossed my own boundaries". Wow, is that ever me. I set myself up well with advice as to what to not take on, I make best decisions in my own interests, and then I cross my own boundaries. It is TYPICAL of me.

I have a Christmas Gift to suggest you give yourself. It has REALLY helped me. It's called The Anxiety and Worry Workbook and is written by two cognitive therapy docs, David A. Clark and Aaron T. Beck.
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I'm sorry I haven't checked back in before right now. We made it through Thanksgiving.
Before I knew it I was being sucked back into Christmas prep drama and crossing my own boundaries! But I put the brakes on that and backed up and now know that it will be as simple as I can handle.
I have got to find a new therapist. I've attempted 2x but canceled.
Hopefully I will find one in January.
Thanks everyone for your responses. I hope you all have a Happy Holiday and New Year. Be safe and stay warm. (unless you're in Australia, then stay cool!)
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The drama and guilt all ends when you place loved ones in a safe 24 hour a day assisted living or care center. Then loved one is provided for anf you have peace of mind
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Prayers. Keep the holidays simple.
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I am sharing this just in case it helps you or someone else who reads this who is in a similar situation. It is a form of meditation where you wish yourself wellness and peace and then you wish it for individual others.

It has helped me in difficult times. Including when my father was declining due to dementia and my mother was not handling any of it well at all.

I don’t pray in the conventional sense but I will do this meditation with you and your mother in mind.

https://www.mettainstitute.org/mettameditation.html

if it doesn’t resonate with you, I still wish you all the best in getting through this stress and suffering. I wanted to add that while your mother cannot help her cognitive decline — neither can you. It is sad and terrible, but it can’t be changed so must be accepted.
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It's a sad situation, and an emotional roller coaster ride.
I was a wreck the last few weeks of my Mom's life, it was overwhelming.
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I you've always had an acrimonious relationship with your mother, you kind of know what to expect from her. I totally understand this because I lived it too.

She may not be able to help her behavior now because of dementia. She did not always have dementia though. What was her reason then?

You are way too hard on yourself. You deserve to show yourself some care and kindness.
Yes, you need prayers. You also need some support. Are there family or friends who will help out with the holidays so you don't have to wear yourself out? Waytomisery made a great suggestion. Keep it simple. Get a pre-cooked dinner, watch movies, listen to music. Only decorate a little and don't buy all kinds of gifts. Give yourself a gift and take things easy.
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Same problem here. I oscillate between anger, frustration, and sadness. But ultimately I have to accept this horrible journey. I could wallow in self pity that I am watching my partner slip away and that as his primary care giver I am suffocated with responsibility. But that makes my situation and the behavior of my spouse worse. SO I have to be tough and eliminate the negative rhetoric in my head about the loss of a normal life together. That’s my focus now trying to keep those negative self defeating self pitying thoughts out of my brain so I can possibly salvage the best of what’s left of this life and relationship. It’s a journey that only those who are living it will understand.
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Keep the Holidays simple , buy a pre cooked meal and cookies . Watch some movies , listen to music . Very little decorating . Skip Christmas cards and gifts this year . Or just give Mom a couple of gifts to open .
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R, it is good to hear from you, but sad to hear it is so ongoing and depressing. I think the Holidays DO and CAN burden us a lot with expectations of making merry when all we can see through their clear lens is "how it used to be".

Try to watch some Christmas Movies. And just know, this is the experience. You have to let the grief in at times. Maybe that's the purpose the holidays serve at times.
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This is hard. You do have my prayers. All the best to you!
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