Sometimes, the healthiest thing for me to do as a caregiver is to simply be aware of my feelings and allow myself to fully experience a range of my caregiver emotions as I did today.
Today was a day where I gladly put my loved one first while allowing myself to feel varying emotions. As I prepared our dinner, I played the smooth sounds of Christmas music and allowed myself to be transported to the beauty of Christmases past when Mom, and I, were younger...and Mom was in better health. This evening, Mom and I intermittently sang and hummed along to the Christmas tunes, as the aroma of home-style cooking filled our home and our hearts, just as I remember the aroma of Mom's home when I was a child.
I was gently transported to a nostalgic place in my heart and family memories. As I puttered in my kitchen and around our home, the Christmas music and Mom's humming nurtured my spirit and allowed me comfortably to shed a few quiet tears for circumstances which are beyond my control as a caregiver. Would that it were within my power to bless my Mom with perfect health; it is not within my power to do. This Christmas, I am thankful for every little thing in my life and grateful that I am still able to care for Mom in my home; one day at-a-time everything is possible, especially at Christmas time when...the trees glisten and children listen to hear sleigh bells in the snow....
Today and every day, I am reminded of my Dad who always said: We have God and we have each other. Dad's wise words have become the glue that has held our family together in the past and cements our bond through eternity. When my Dad died, I learned that love never dies. Today, as every other day, Mom and I miss Dad. It was so healing for me to be able to share that mutual feeling of loss with Mom this evening and to know that we still have God...and each other.