I am the caregiver for my 92 year old atheist father. He has been angry with God since losing his angelic mother as a young boy. This morning I awoke feeling really blessed to have been chosen by God to guide my dad through the perils of dementia. I am ashamed to admit that most mornings I wake up asking why me? Most mornings I am steeped in anger over the absence of my siblings. Most mornings I feel like the victim.
This morning, however, strange but I feel that maybe I am one of God's chosen people for reasons that may be revealed later. I kind of feel special - no not a martyr -just blessed. I feel honored that He trusted me over everyone else to care for a man who deserted me and my family when I was just a little girl. There is still so much hurt between us. Maybe there is healing for my heart through caring for my father. Maybe God is using me as his instrument to lead my father home. How do I hold on and sustain these strong feelings of purpose that I feel this morning?
You are doing something I could never do. Forgiveness, yes; but forget and take this kind of care of a perfect stranger, never. Talk to a therapist and find a facility for him and visit if you feel it is necessary. Good luck!
A lot of hurt between the two of you will mean that feelings about the past will swell up and need to be dealt with. I suggest that before things get much deeper that you start seeing a therapist to help you process things. Dong this on your own could have a very bad impact on your own mental and physical health.
I'm not sure exactly what you mean about leading your father home. What do you mean by that? One thing to keep in mind is that as his dementia worsens, his ability to understand and remember will become less and less.
Prayers, hugs and love
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