This is not a question, just to let ya’ll know what’s happening.
As a lot of you know, my mother is 96 years old and has stage 6 Alzheimer’s. She lives in a memory facility in Tijuana, Mexico. Hubs and I just moved to the Puerto Vallarta, Mexico area and we were excited for her to join us. We were waiting for her bronchitis to clear up and then would accompany her on the plane to her beautiful new tropical home (another memory care). She has had bronchitis twice before within the last 12 months and bounced back well.
Change of plan.
We’ve been checking up on her daily and, this time, she’s not responding to antibiotics, other meds and nebulizer treatments. They took her for a chest X Ray yesterday and it revealed a “huge tumor” (Spanish for cancer) in her left lung, “fluid” in the lung (Spanish for pneumonia) and ganglions attached to her chest wall (growths). She has also stopped eating and drinking and has a fever. I found this out at 5 pm last night. I have a flight up there at 6:30 pm tonight.
If she survives that long, I will call the Mexican Red Cross (they do all ambulance transports in Mexico) to take her to the border, then call 911 (U.S.) to meet us at the border. (I know it sounds complicated but I’ve researched it and this is how it goes.) She’ll go to ER and probably be admitted. Of course I’ll stay there too. I’ll talk with the social worker about transferring her to a SNF with hospice (if we get that far).
I feel like I’ve been slapped real hard and my brain flew out of my head. Things are spinning and I’m trying to keep up. Out of “daughter mode” and into “nurse mode”.
Hubs lined up my BIL to pick me up at the airport and take me to my mom. They’ve offered to have me stay overnight.
I have all mom’s important papers (birth certificate, social security card, passport, border crossing card, health insurance card, etc.) together and will be bringing her meds and a printed history and physical from the facility that she’s in in TJ.
I won’t be sending her back to Tijuana to die. They’ve done a good job taking care of her but it’s too hard for border crossing. We’ll work it out for the San Diego, California area.
40 years as a nurse tells me my “patient” (mother) is dying and I need to make this a smooth transition. As her daughter, I need to realize that this is it and hold up until it’s over.
Those of you who pray, I ask for prayers to do the right things and the ability to stay the course. The Good Lord has His plan and I’ve asked to be able to follow what He would want done.
I’ll really need you guys in the coming days. Wow, this is tough. I thought we’d all live in paradise down here. 😢
Change of plan.
I love how you wrote that, with hope for the future.
Without the help of all of my husbands’ family and friends, this would have been a nightmare, if not impossible. From picking me up at the airport, taking me to be with my mom in her final 1-1/2 hours, housing me, feeding me, getting the death certificate, getting it apostiled and translated, going across the border to Social Security and the bank and back, arranging the cremation and pick up of ashes and transportation back to the airport, I am truly grateful.
Hubs lit a candle and cut a rose 🌹 in her memory. Now I’m parentless but the cycle of life goes on. I will welcome my first grandchild in 7 months. 👶🏼
Thanks to all for the well wishes and prayers.
On March 16, Sue' s Mother passed away.
" At 10:40 pm she breathed her last breath and her life stopped. She waited for me to get there before she died".
We are all sorry for her loss.
Get some rest and remember you need to take care of you.
I’ll need you guys even more in the coming days.
Ya’ll are lifesavers.
I wish you peace about everything. I’m glad your mom didn’t linger in pain and so glad you were able to be with her. Wishing you growing peace and comfort in the coming days as you do final arrangements. You did good. 💜
It's not unusual for our loved ones to wait for certain family members (or all family members) to be there before they go - but it's also not unusual for them to slip away when no one is around, because they don't want to upset anyone. Seems odd that it can happen that way, but it does. Quite often, they simply need someone to tell them it's ok to go - and then they do, shortly afterwards. I've done this with both of my parents and my grandmother....and it's so, so hard. Probably the hardest thing we'll ever have to do in our lives - but it's also the most important gift you can ever give them. You did the right thing.
Many hugs to you....hang in there.
May God give you and your family grieving mercies and strength during this time.
Sorry for your loss.
Prayers for you to be comforted.
I went in her room around 9:15 pm tonight, told her that hubs and I love her and that it would be alright to go with Jesus or the angels if they came to get her. I told her that I had planned for her to move to Puerto Vallarta with us but God seemd to have other ideas.
She was non responsive but was moaning as if to try to say something. I kept holding her hand and kissing and hugging her. My SIL said a beautiful prayer over her and then they left. I was going to spend the night with mom, so she wouldn’t be alone. At 10:40 pm she breathed her last breath and her life stopped. She waited for me to get there before she died.
I cried a bit (I’d been crying all day) but was relieved that she wasn’t in any pain or discomfort anymore. We waited for the doctor to pronounce her then for the funeral home to pick her up. It’s 2:30 am and I’m just going to bed. I’m emotionally wiped out. 😴
My heart goes out to you and your family. You’re in my prayers.
Since I can’t get there til 8:30 pm tonight, they put the phone to mom’s ear. She’s out of it and has a death rattle. She was moaning. The end is near. I wish my stomach would stop spasming.
My prayer is for God to make her comfortable, no pain and no difficulty, whether or not I get there before she passes. Her comfort is more important than my last words.
I told her that I love her and, if Jesus comes, it’s Okay to go with Him. We’ll be alright here.
I called my son to tell him grandma doesn’t have much longer. He was very sorry and humble. Then he tells me his girlfriend is pregnant!!!!!!
I couldn’t even respond. 😲 At least he said it’s time to grow up and figure out how to support the child.
I AM OVERWHELMED!
Then, it is okay to not be okay.
It will be enough to be at her side, hope you make it on time.
So sorry for your grief.