I'm caring for two 90-year-old grandmas with no help from my siblings. I'm becoming overwhelmed and just need some moral support.

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Mstexas I like that name. Welcome to the forum and I certainly hope that you are not alone. We're all in the same boat, little help, little rest, little anything, but much care-giving. It does overwhelm you, that's when you go outside, take a breath of fresh air, a walk, garden, have a cigarette, or a DRINK!.

Welcome again, and I tip my hat to you for caring for two.
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tenne,my mom has really nothing to speak of anymore,your dad had a farm which to me sounds like real estate is involved. One of my sisters attempted to take my moms house by forging her name-had to take her to court-battle lasted 3yrs-Mom won the case and the house went back to her. Immediatly there after house was sold-since my sister had it in her name(for the time we fought in court) Mom lost her tax excemption and once property waas sold had to pay back taxes-left her about 6grand to play with that automatically went to pay funeral expenses in full when the time comes. So you see, theres not anything for anyone to fight for matieral things. Oh that same sister took all the furnishings in the house only left things like family pictures that were of other sisters family. Trust me if that should happen IM READY!!! Dont think they dont know it either, they know Iam meticulous when it comes to paperwork (I KEEP EVERY RECIEPT AND EVERY RECORD POSSIBLE to keep this from giving me any grive in the future. Besides it takes money for siblings to take me to court,most are living from day to day the others just dont bother cuz it takes to much effort. If that were the case you'd think they would want to take the time and effort NOW to see MOM. Thanks for the heads up and pray u resolve yours legal battle soon, just remember as u go into the court a prayer i used to say before entering- Lord i know your with me and that every thing is done according to your will just give me the understanding to accept what ever decision is made. Amen It tend to give me clarity and peace of mind-good luck to you!!!
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I should have known better, OF COURSE you've tried everything... people can be cruel and there may be no recourse. I've even seen children with cancer abandoned by parents...I'm so sorry!
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tEXAS,I have tried to do everything and I MEAN EVERYTHING to get my brothers to help or even show they care. I took care of 2 sick men at one time,even when my mate started having seizures and I couldn't leave him alone I couln't get any help with my dad.After the funeral of my mate I didn't even get proper greiving time.I went from a death right back to my dad's slow decline.My dad has since pasted away and after over 10 years of serious caregiving and taking care of the farm I am in a legal battle that just want end.The lawyers are in in awe of it. My brother who did not even go to the funeral brought on the legal issues.If some one doesn't care about there own family anymore than that-my advice is to watch your back with those siblings-I would have never dreamed in million years this would be happening to me.
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I'm a caregiver for my mother. My brother is leaving the country for a one month vacation. He did not notify me. I think he should have let me know in case my mother is in the hospital or dies. Should I directly ask him if he wants to be notified?
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ustefans, I understand u being sad and mad at the same time,believe I've been there. My point is I'm not wasting anymore of my time dwelling on negative factors,you see everything u suggested I have tried over the 6yrs of caring for the grandmas, Iam not one who expects or even wants sisters who dont care enough for there Mom to be guilted or argue in order to spend time and care for them. Understand I dont want pity,its nice to be able to vent or share with people who Understand because they have similiar situations. Scince the last hospital visit that my 90 yr old mom had I was able to inform myself on how i can obtain outside assistance through agencies( and this gives me some free time) But your opionion is just that and I thank u for your input and support. Oh by the way asking for monetary help from my family to pitch in for anything is a JOKE tried that too all this have taken place in person at family meetings I've called together. It's been pointless, I do have medical poa and regular poa so that I wont have to call on anyone, my point is, if siblings wont come willingly to see Mom while she is alive and they have every opportunity. When Mom passes they will have the regrets not I.
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This makes me sad and mad just to read it - if you are not feeling any emotions about people who just dump it all on you and then leave you out of their lives because they have dumped it all on you, depression is probably setting in big time. I would bet they think, or like to think, you are the best or only one who could do the caregiving, you are therefore happy to be doing all the caregiving and isn't that so nice, you are so special. They need told otherwise, as assertively as possible. And you need breaks from caregiving, not a permanent break with your whole family. "Dear ____, i really really really miss being incuded in the family for ______ and desperately wish anyone could volunteer to watch Grandma for just a few hours so I could go. I know I won't be doing this forever, but it is starting to feel that way and I hate just feeling resentful and left out of everything. I know I can't expect to always have a break when I feel like I need it, but this particular event would mean a lot to me.." If none of them will stay, is it possible to have them chip in for a private duty nurse or other suitable paid caregiver just for half a day? Could they have any of the events at your place or could they chip in for a wheelchair van rental and have Grandma come to the event? And if none of the above is possible, couldn't someone AT LEAST bring you a couple plates of good food form the event? Maybe even Grandma might eat some and give you a little break from cooking, as if that was the hard part anyways? Give you AT LEAST some evidence that they are thinking about you??? Just my $0.02 - and you have my support too.
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Interestingly enough thats about where iam presently,I feel drained most of the time. And between caring for them the reality has set in (after 6yrs of them living with me) that the are both coming to a time where i can see that things are coming to a close, not that there invalids cause truly even though one has alz/dementia and the other has emphysema,they both still walk around and have occassional urine accidents in there depends,they are both so cute to watch together, I often watch them interact with each other and relize in another time they would have never even thought they had nothing in common and yet life has brought them together at this time. I often ask myself why? am I just an instrument that god or for those who dont believe the universe has allowed me to wittness? Ok maybe im getting to deep, any way on a lighter note Im having a better time dealing with this now that i know there are so MANY of US out there!!! THANKS U GUYS FOR ALL THE SUPPORT
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Wow!! Am I hearing correctly?? Your taking care of two 90 yr olds. If that is correct my hats off to you for sure. I couldn't handle one. My mom is 93 and the stress level went through the roof. My back went out lifting her. Patience ran out trying to get her to eat. Caring for her hyigene was astrnomical. Finally didn't have any choice but to place her in a home. just couldn't keep up with all the work involved. My mental and physical health was failing, which wasn't doing mom one bit of good. It took her about a year to adjust to her surroundings. She is just stubborn and wants things her way. Finally when she realized things just were not going to be her way all the time in the home, she started to relax and just go with the flow. See her about 3 times a week. Her life is back on track, and so is mine. Good luck to you.
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Ms texas, you are not imagining it.....Yes, your job is VERY difficult, challenging, and draining. And you are caring for TWO grandmas who are both 90 years old.....they are really up there in years. You have a lot on your plate. Good that you found this site! So many feelings and recognitions were stirred up in me as I read through the comments on this thread: the one about others moving away or not wanting to talk with us about our caregiving situation----because it feels too "icky" ----This is a reality of what we deal with. I literally have to avoid talking about caring for my father with others because it is just too depressing of a subject. I like people too much to want to do that to them! ( ie- bring up this subject. It's not anything they need to hear about.) That is one BIG reason why I come here , to this site. I am with "birds of a feather" here and I can talk all I want about my father , and listen to others talk about whomever they're caring for and sympathize with them. We are the ideal people to support one another.
For the people here who are not being invited to social events because of their caregiving situation, I say to you that you have found the right way to cope with this ( ignore it).....You can only do so much, and you are fulfilling what you feel in your heart is your "first duty"....to care for your loved one.....and then let the chips fall where they may. At least in the eyes of God, you are getting an A-plus!! To me, the judgment of God is the the thing that matters to me. I can't please all the people around me, and I have finally figured that out. And lastly, to mhmarfil who said: "If I become sick myself, then who else would care?" ......That statement resonated so loud and clear with me. This is precisely the feeling that I have all the time. I struggle with health issues of my own, yet am the principal person caring for the welfare of my father ( thankfully, he is living in a senior care facility, but he still requires a lot of oversight and connection) and I sense that obligation all the time. Others have drifted away from taking on responsibility for "getting involved" with caring for my father ( because of the "ick" factor) . I definitely understand that and in no way judge them for drifting away. I have done the same thing myself when it came to caring for an elder in someone else's family. My father IS my responsibility. But along with this realization comes the "burden" part, and the feeling that I have to stay healthy and strong to continue to be Dad's advocate and caretaker. We love our elders so much that our love for them actually puts more pressure on us to stay healthy, so that we can care for them. That's how it feels to me. Hang in there, everybody!
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