I am the daughter of a mother diagnosed with NPD. I am in my 50s. She is nearly 80 and living in assisted living now for 1.5 years due to a fall. Without going in to all the details the result was that she could no longer live alone. I am an only child. She has been very hard on me all my life making it clear that it is not in my DNA to do anything right.
Somewhere along the way I realized that no matter how much I wanted it I did not have a mother that would give me her blessings, approval, be my best friend, allow me to say "I have the sweetest mom in the world". I also realized that NPD is essentially a mental illness and having grown up with this took a heavy toll on me.
That aside.. now I am devoted to taking care of her .. doing her shopping, taking her to doctors appointments, taking her out to eat or shop if she wants to. We try to make holidays nice and have her in our home in lieu of being with our grandchildren that live away.
She continues to get nastier and nastier with me. She also has begun asking me to leave when I go each week.
I am no longer being the drug that is needed. I don't dote, serve, cajole, beg, plead, apologize or any of that any more. I did it all my life and it was to no avail. When I am asked to leave I see goodbye and go immediately.
There is more information available now on NPD than I could find even a few years ago. It is so good that this is coming to light. There seem to be many of us in the baby boomer pool struggling with this. It's tough.
The only other person she treated the way she treats me was my father. He passed away a few years ago and it has become increasingly worse for me and will continue that way as far as I am counseled.
It's a rough road. important to realize that you cannot rationalize with an NPD. You cannot have a logical conversation with an illogical person. They deny everything and put everything on you. No matter how much you "steel" yourself against this it still hurts. The more she does not get a rise out of me the harder she tries and the rougher it gets.
She is well taken care of. I know it is important that I give great care to my own emotional and physical well being as this is aging me considerably :(