My mother is 88 and I'm her 71 year old daughter! My parents were married 71 years when he passed away over 2 years ago! I'm an only child as my brother died at 19! I've been doing their grocery shopping for at least 4 years. I've hired caregivers for 4 years. Thankful they had a good savings because her money is running out!
Mom was diagnosed with mantle cell lymphoma over 3 years ago. She refuses to leave her home but is afraid to stay alone at night. She's never stayed a night by herself in her entire life. Therefore, a caregiver stays. My husband is diabetic with many health issues and I have back problems!
My mother has some dementia, lymphoma and a fall risk. I'm totally exhausted and considered an assisted for mom but she refuses to go. Also, if she lives much longer her finances are low. She's contrary and unappreciative! I sometimes just want to run away. I retired 11 years ago and never imagined my retirement being like this.
Mom is under hospice care and I'm very thankful for their help!
I just saw your post that was at the end of an old thread. You might get more responses if you start your own thread, so readers realize it's a new question from you.
I'm sorry to hear the news about your mother and you. It sounds like you have really had a traumatic time. Do you think that you can keep up working around the clock? Caring for a loved one who is physically handicapped and has dementia is really a daunting task. I'd consider how you would manage this, while working during the day and then caring for her all other times? Also, what would happen to her if you had to enter the hospital or became disabled? I might explore your options and arrange to get help. Does she need skilled nursing care?
Dementia is a curse on humanity. It's a bigger curse on the caregivers than the patient I think.
Hospice care may mean the end is coming, or it may not. It might mean there just isn't any point in trying to make anything better. Just comfortable.
As far as Assisted living goes, people still have to do a lot of things for themselves in assisted living. It might not be the right option. You can't need 24/7 supervision in assisted living. Certain cognitive scores mean constant supervision is required, so those folks go to a different unit: Skilled nursing/care center/memory care units.
Stay in close contact with your hospice workers and what they think. They probably have seen this before and can tell you what to look for next.
You are in the right place to vent and ask questions.