Now family wont say but blame me. Father in law was recetly hospitalized with pneumonia & hypotension. He has had Dementia for 2yrs & I have been caring for him. Recently his son was incarcerated & I was asked by Sheriff to come back to residence to care for him. The son & I have a rocky relationship, just had his first baby about 6 months ago, so just cuz I love him I came. He put me in a difficult situation. He had not saved any money & I hadnt earned any while he & I were living together. I did every thing & he earned the income for it. After 1 month of struggle I was okay & had every thing running well. My father in law has 7 siblings near by but only one brother would come help out 2 a week by bringing him a meal and taking him for a short walk. I did every thing with out help the bathing, changing, his laundry( incontinent), Dr. apt, & care for my kids ( 6 month old & suicidal 12 yr old). For the past 4 months I have put my kids & my selfs needs to the side giving my boyfrnds father more of my attention then I give my kids. As of 4 days his behavior began to change. Every night he was trying to get out of his bedroom (he is also blind) except on Wednesday he didnt try anymore. I figured he was to cold. We live in an old building that has no insulation and windows which you can feel breeze, and the heater doesnt work. My father in law is always cold even if I turn on a portable heater for him. Thursday he didnt remember,how to feed him self so I feed him but he didnt eat much. Friday morning he didnt want to eat at all. I didnt see him well & was calling his family to ask what I should do. See I called the ER do to the fact that I am not married to his only son & the son is power of attorney. Well explained father in laws condition, behavior/ change, & let her know that I had no power of attorney or signed docs. I was told if I took him & it was mental he would not be seen cuz they wouldnt be able to do anything. He would be seen if its a life threatening situation. I made the first call on Tuesday. On Friday I began to dress him couldnt, he fought a bit so I figured he was okay but even then I was uncomfortable. So around 6pm I called paramedics. His body temp was low and everything else was fine. We get ER I see him rolled to xray he's still breathing once he goes back I hear a code blue. He had stop breathing. Once he was stabilized his brother and I were let in, nurse told me he had a heart attack. I began to cry. I didnt see any signs. She told me with Dementia patients it's not easy and I wouldnt have seen it. At this point his brother was telling me it wasnt my fault. He was transported 2 hrs away on Saturday & I went to visit son so I can inform him. After my son was wheezing so I took him to ER & he has bronchitis. I still have not made it up to see him do to my baby being ille and now I feel like they blame me. What should I do? His niece commented he wouldnt be coming home with me anymore. I agree he needs better care or a facility but his son wants him here and refuses to put him in a home. I feel guilty, please give me your point of view. What would you do?
As others have said, your first responsibility it to your children. First and foremost. The only other responsibility that is at that level is to take care of yourself. Everything else comes after that. You have a preteen who is suicidal? OMG. Lady, you do not have time to take care of non-family. Get your priorities straight.
Who cares what your boyfriend's family thinks of you? Come to that, what your boyfriend thinks of you is far less important than taking care of your children.
Explain to the discharge social worker in the hospital that you absolutely cannot continue to care for this man, though you wish him well. It sounds like the niece will back you up on that -- that he can't go home with you. Do not let him be discharged to your care. Focus on your children.
No seriously this family is really a mess and you need to take your kids out of this situation and focus on them first. Let boyfriend's family handle his care...there appear to be a lot of them and they need to step up.
You are a good person to do what you have done but enough is enough. No gratitude from them, no help, only blame? No sorry...get away.
And frankly, it irks the hell out of me to learn that:
" For the past 4 months I have put my kids & my selfs needs to the side giving my boyfrnds father more of my attention then I give my kids."
You need to focus on your own children before Child Protective Services comes in and takes them away from you.
I never understand how people can have children and subordinate their needs to those of just some boyfriend!