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I moved my Mom and Dad in with our family last year Dad has Alzheimers and they only stayed about 5 months (they lived next door to us for the past 20 years) I ended up moving them back home and hiring help daily (very expensive) then we ended up putting Dad in a home, we kept help for Mom then she really needed to be with someone more all day. We moved her in with us again about 3 weeks ago re did the downstairs again and it is fixed up so nice she has her own bedroom and bathroom and a kitchenette. But I am so damn tired!!! My Dad just fel and broke his hip this is the second broken hip in 7 months!!! He never had a broken bone till he went into a home. So now he's in skilled nursing for rehab (he's 91) had surgery all is well but when the rehab is over I need to find him a new home because I will not have him go back to that place. Meanwhile Mom is here again and has dementia I have 2 teenagers too. I have 2 deadbeat brothers that do pretty much nothing for their parents. It's really sad. I am so drained at this point and one brother is away on an island vacation how wonderful!!! They do nothing to help I for years have bought groceries taken to Dr. Appts, cleaned, husband cuts grass and all yardwork (2 acres) cooked dinners and now I moved Mom in with me and continue to do everything . I will be selling her home though they will need the money for the house for care for Dad and maybe Mom but that is all up to me to sell it, clean it out sell all belongings It is so much work I feel overwhelmed at times I just sit and cry. I can do this I would rather be in this situation than where they are I know they feel guilty and thats a bad place to be. Sorry if I went on too much I just needed to talk to someone.

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To Micheleangel, you started this thread a while back. Just wondering how you are doing with things, and how are things going for your Dad?

Anne said, "Do your best and leave the rest to God." And, "When you can do no more, ask God for help." Sometimes I wonder if we would fare better asking for God's help FIRST, before doing anything? Guess I'm preaching at myself, again, as a reminder. Just want you to know I'm praying for you. Take care! :)
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Thanks Austin I agree but we are having a meeting on Tues with the therapists and all and hopefully he will be able to leave there soon. I haven't had much luck with Nursing Homes and I want to get him back in an assisted living place, we haven't found one just yet.I have a hard time visiting him in there the place is just so depressing. Take care now, Michele
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Michealeangel I hate to say it but from being is nursing homes so the pt.s think I work there those alarms they put on the bed and wheelchairs when they go off the only ones who are concerned are the visitors I have had to go outside because so many were ringing at the same time the only way to get their attention is when someone falls or is about because then they have a lot of paperwork to do and have to call a doc and the family. I am on a soapbox about tbut get in touch with the ombudsmen your Dad should not have to move away from the nurses station and the other pt.s wife is not paying any more than you and being 70 he should have to be moved
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Oneandonly, at 96 years old can you imagine having a change of routine if only for three days. It is extremely difficult not to feel guilt even when taking care of yourself, but you do not want to end up being a caregiver death statistic. Just make sure that you consider her feelings as well. It isn't always easy when we are the ones providing.

You have to know in your heart, you can only do what you can do. Three days are for your renewal of spending time with family will not hurt her. I can picture the fear myself if someone told me I was going somewhere for a few days with no control over anything happening. Trusting is really hard to do.

You can call her every day to check on her and tell her you love her and you'll be there soon. Make sure to reassure her. Even when you get home, do something a little extra special for her as a thank you.

My heart goes out to you. Mine are in assisted living now and I thank God for the ability to have that for them and that they can afford it. Don't worry about venting. That is what this is for. Go enjoy the wedding!
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oneandonly, Hi nice to meet you I just typed you something and well I don't know where it went!! It will probably show up somewhere else. Anyhow this is truly a special place!!! I am sorry that you are going through this it is so hard and I do understand at times you just don't know how you will continue!! I will pray for you and remember that you are a special person for caring so much about your Mom many people wouldn't even attempt to take care of their aging parents. I hope you have a Good Day today and I feel blessed to meet you.Take care now Love, Michele
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Hi oneandonly,Nice to meet you. It is a Godsend for sure. I'm sorry for what you are going through, it's very hard. I will keep you in my prayers. You are special for what you are doing for your Mom just remember that. There are people who wouldn't even try to take care of their parents. God Bless you I hope today is a good day for you. Love, Michele
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hi Micheleangel,
welcome to this site. I think it is a Godsend!!! I don't post often but I read it daily and it helps me make it thru the day.
My 96year old mom lives with me for the last 3 yrs. All there upstairs but the body is not so good but is very stubborn about certian things although lately it seems everything bothers her. Recently took her to assisted living facility to visit because we have a family wedding out of state in Aug and she has to stay there for a few days. She liked it but only because she knows it is for a few days. Then she started to get agitated thinking about going with a million questions. I told her that this is her only option since she can't stay home alone for a weekend.( I do leave her now for a few hrs alone but not overnight. I am an only child....Dad is gone.....I am sooooooo stressed about this along with all the other factors of caring for her daily.
Just wanted to vent since this is the only place where everyone here is in the same boat............I pray for patience every day.......don't think He hears me.
oneandonly
PS I love the jokes!!!
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funny stuff I love it nice to read when you got a few and laugh i miss laughing!!!
love, Michele
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see what happens when you encourage me. I promise this is the last one today!

Three nurses went to heaven, and were awaiting their turn with St. Peter to plead their case to enter the pearly gates.

The first nurse said, "I worked in an emergency room. We tried our best to help patients, even though occasionally we did lose one. I think I deserve to go to heaven." St. Peter looks at her file and admits her to heaven.

The second nurse says, "I worked in an operating room. It's a very high stress environment and we do our best. Sometimes the patients are too sick and we lose them, but overall we try very hard." St. Peter looks at her file and admits her to heaven.

The third nurse says, "I was a case manager for an HMO."

St. Peter looks at her file. He pulls out a calculator and starts punching away at it furiously, constantly going back to the nurse's file. After a few minutes St. Peter looks up, smiles, and says, "Congratulations! You've been admitted to heaven … for five days!"
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I'm on a roll..... LOL


A woman, calling Mount Sinai Hospital, said, "Hello, I want to know if a patient is getting better."

The voice on the other end of the line said, "Do you know the patient's name and room number?"

She said, "Yes, darling! She's Sarah Finkel, in Room 302."

He said, "Oh, yes. Mrs. Finkel is doing very well. In fact, she's had two full meals, her blood pressure is fine, she's going to be taken off the heart monitor in a couple of hours and if she continues this improvement, Dr. Cohen is going to send her home Tuesday."

The woman said, "Thank God! That's wonderful! Oh! That's fantastic! That's wonderful news!"

The man on the phone said, "From your enthusiasm, I take it you must be a close family member or a very close friend!"

She said, "I'm Sarah Finkel in 302! Cohen, my doctor, doesn't tell me a word!"
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did I mention put water in the tub I forgot LOL

The seven-year old girl told her mom, "A boy in my class asked me to play doctor."

"Oh, dear," the mother nervously sighed. "What happened, honey?"

"Nothing, he made me wait 45 minutes and then double-billed the insurance company."

I won't charge you for this one LOL
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Here is another one I came upon hope it helps to releive the stress laughter is the BEST medicine and we all need a good dose at least once a day You also have our prayers daily in multiple numbers I might add we are all a brother and sisterhood of Hearts minds and Matter whether our parents know it or not. now sit down have a chuckle than do something special for you sit in the yard with your favorite drink, have a manicure, pedicure, I need one of those really bad, lunch with someone anyone who is funny and good to talk to or read a chapter of a good book in the tub and don't forget play your favorite music as loud as you can and dance with the vacuum cleaner if you have to I do yep I'm wacky but whatever works, here gooooooooooooooooos.............

Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on. The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."

The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."

The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

The fourth surgeon chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers … those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would."

But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed: "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, and no spine, and the head and butt are interchangeable."
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Micheleangel, you are not responsible for your brother or his guilt or his inability to keep things straight give him the info tell him to write it down and he's on his own. My brother doesn't seem to have the sense to keep the address off his envelopes when I send cards to their house , or to write it down in their address book just his daughter will email me as she has done this week because she graduates, ha than said she was coming for a visit ha won't hold my breath be as blue as this page. She wants something for graduation she will get it I will not judge her because of her parents I sure wouldn't want anyone to do that to me Lordy, lordy, I'd really be in a pickle. I have written, emailed called, left messages over the last two years and no replies, but did get a reply when I got a little nasty and said fine if you don't want a relationship with me just say so and I will stop trying, in the last Christmas card, I rec'd a micky mouse card, not even a christmas micky mouse that said after the holiday I would receive a big long letter only problem is didn't tell me what holiday or what year so guess what forget it. If you really want a relationship with someone you make an effort, brother or no brother these people have made no effort at all. This doesn't have anything to do with my mother they are afraid I will ask them to do something, they don't know I would never do that because I know they wouldn't that was why I moved my parents down here 650 miles from them they lived a hour 1/2 away and didn't even stop in once in 10 years. So I am not blind. If the time ever gets here I will be brutally honest with them and tell them these things until then I will just act like a aunt and give kudos to my niece for a job well done. Plant plant plant I have done that this year, still planting, I have one dog if I plant something she wants to dig it up so it has been a tussle but guess who is winning, yep me. LOL dirt soothes my soul perhaps because that is where I came from initially.
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Well today is another day. The sun is shining and I see lots of work to do in the yard!!! Ok I didn't mean for that to come out that way, The sun is shining and its a beautiful day, that's better. I think if I can get out I will try to buy some flowers to plant that will make me happy. Some one keeps popping my balloon though when I get on track I seem to always have someone drag me down this time it's my bro. again he can't seem to locate his Mother, lets see he hasn't seen her in 3 months or so and lives 45 minutes away. I won't bore you with the details but all I can say is guilt is a bad place to be, glad that's not me. Have a beautiful day all you fantastic, caring people I love you. Michele
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Hardwood flooring eh? Oh Yes, I had to help with ours too! Hubby needs someone to fetch things, and help decide how the pattern would look best. Hope you can find a better facility for your dad. Will pray for you and everyone here extra tonight. Take Care.
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You're a sweet lady, Michele, and your parents are more the blessed to have you looking after them. So glad you're coming to these threads.
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Hi all, Went to see my Dad today he's doing ok. I want to get him out of this place (skilled nursing) I am checking on some permanent places, wish I could bring him back to my house but I don't see that happening. We are keeping this from my Mom that he broke his hip she can't handle that stuff. So she keeps saying boy you are running around a lot, where are you going and all, it's pretty crazy at my house. I have been feeding a stray cat and he told all his friends about me oh brother what to do now? I just saw 2 new ones!!! My Dad likes to sing and he was singing at night and the social worker said he is keeping the room mate awake so they want to move my Dad down the hall - all the way at the end!!! He is now next to the nurses station and I asked if they might move the other man who is only like 70 and can walk and doesn't have dementia and they said no that his wife doesn't want him moved ( he had a stroke) I am worried because my Dad doesn't understand that he had broken his hip and shouldn't be standing and all. If he wakes up and no one is there then oh boy so I asked if they could put a monitor on him I sure hope they do that. He is far from the nurses station. I brought him some hershey kisses and wow was he happy!!! He loves candy. I am being called by Hubby as if I''m not busy enough we are putting hardwood flooring down and my help is needed, Take care all Love, Michele
Ps I said a special prayer for all my new friends today I'm so glad to meet you!!!
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I love it!! Anything that makes me laugh at this point I'll take it, please keep it up
Love, Michele
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Ah yes! To dream, the impossible dream, to fight the unbeatable foe (alzheimer's/dementia). I would soooooooooooo love a vacation right at this moment.

Michele, you have a lot on your plate as well! I've been away most of the last two weeks, so trying to catch up still. Nice to meet you. This group has grown so much in the last few months, in many ways. Hope you find this place as comforting as I do. These friends are true angels.

Anne, how are you? You have been so busy too.

Neon, funny as ever, love the granny joke.

You all have a great evening! Praying for strength for all of us, just to get through these everyday uphill battles.
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Neon, I know where the wocky part comes from. You are too funny. I hope poor Micheleangel thinks so. She is tired. What can we do to help her? Chocolate? Massage? Hot Tub? Manicure? Pedicure? Calgon...take me away... Better yet, "Up up and away in a beautiful balloon..." LOVED your story above, Neon.

Sorry, Micheleangel. Two wacked out Caregivers. Sorry, Neon. I should speak for myself. OK, one, at least. Real tired, too. Lots to do, always. Lately I feel like I'm on a numb run... Family dynamics, solo worrying, caring, giving, doing. No thanks in return, and little help from family. They say they want to, but... Then there's no thanks from the one who receives the help... Iactually shouldn't complain too much. I have a wonderful husband and son. Micheleangel, I hope venting helps you as it does us, at times. Didn't mean to laugh, and certainly wasn't laughing at you. We just understand it all too well. Your story is like so many. And we share the tired, emotionally draining parts. You've been through a lot lately. And you deserve a medal for doing as well as you are. Hang in there. God will give you strength. It's hard, but not impossible. Just remember to take care of you. A nap, bubble bath, good night's sleep, walk on the beach, world cruise. Aaaaahhhhh to dream! Take care. Do your best and leave the rest to God. When you can do no more, ask God for help. Praying for you.
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Just to releive a little stress please read this.....

Grandma had never experienced a sick day in her life, so she didn't
take it kindly when she ended up in the hospital for observation after
fainting (resulting in a bad fall). By the time a pair of husky interns
got Grandma tucked into bed, she had managed to complain about
everything:the temperature, the lights, the skimpy gown, the food and
the mattress, especially, the mattress.Suddenly, Grandma spotted a
small plastic item with a button, attached to a cord. "What's that?"
she demanded.
"If you need anything in the middle of the night, Grandma,"
said one of the interns, "just press that button."
"What does it do, ring a bell?" she asked.
"No, it turns on a light in the hall for the nurse on duty," the intern replied.
"A light in the hall?" responded Grandma. "Look, I'm the sick one around here.
If the night nurse needs a light on in the hall,
she can get up and switch it on herself!"
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