It is all very stressfull helping with care giving. I help with taking care of my Mom. She is in assisted living but I wash her cloths, pay the bills and visit with her 4-5 days a week. My sister lives only 40 min away but does nothing.

Then my daughter lives 2 miles down the road and will help when I call. But my daughter also calls me for help with my grandson.

There is also my husband's mother who lives 45 min away, she is 92 and is need of help. She however, refuses to move from her condo, lives alone and at this time doesn't want outside help to come in. My husband visits with his Mom once or twice a week to pay bills and take her shopping. We discuss the issues with his Mom and now he would like me to talk with her. To try presuade her to allow us to contact someone to do light house keeping, even if it is twice a week. His Mom refuses to see a Dr and I know that she is now having health issues. I am at a loss with this one.

And now my husband, I am starting to worry about him. He is 70 and is starting to forget things. I am not sure how to approach this topic with him. And I'm not sure just how much more I can take. I also work part time and starting to really want to quit my job and run away. I would like my life back, like it was 2 years ago.

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It took a long time for things to get this way before you "hit the wall." So be patient with yourself in making changes.

First, decide which thing is causing the most stress and focus on that. For example, why do you need to go to the asst. living center 4-5 a week? If you have chosen a nice place for Mom, then let the professionals do their jobs and call Mom in-between visits. Hire an in-home caregiver to drop by once a week and do her laundry and other errands. Then you can go back to being the daughter.

Next, tell your daughter that you cannot keep up the babysitting schedule. Limit your avialability according to what you can do. If you weren't here, your daughter would have to make other arrangements.

It is good that your hub is taking the responsibility for his Mom...most do not. Do not take on the extra stress of taking care of the mil too. Give her two choices: hiring some in-home help or leaving her home so that she is in a safe environment at an ALF. Then have the HUB follow through on it. I would not get in the middle of this one.

Sit down with the hub and calmly share with him your concerns for his health. He should have a general physical...there may be a simple solution to why he is being forgetful (like UTIs...).

Reclaiming your life is not easy. And, while everyone is still on this earth, you will still have caregiving responsibilities. But, at least make your life less complicated.
good luck....Lilli

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