Caregiving for a narcissistic mother. Do we do it out of love or out of years of guilt and programming?

Housing boom here too. So maybe I'll luck up vis a vis the relocation also.

Chris, thanks so much as always. I don't think Mom is trying to isolate me as much as she's just extremely needy. I can virtually guarantee she's panicking right now because she thinks I'm going to leave her forever - both because her mental disorder gives her a "soul hole" which can never be filled, but also in her heart of hearts she knows she's done some truly rotten things to me such as making me come home from college to help take care of my terminally ill father when she decided to leave him rather than take care of him herself. There's also a bunch of stuff to do with her prioritizing my severely mentally ill half brother and letting him abuse me, mostly psychologically luckily.... it's a long story. I do ask myself why I don't just walk away sometimes, but mom isn't 100% a monster. For a long time I've known something was really wrong even if I couldn't quite put my finger on it.

Now that I've realized it's likely NPD I do have some sympathy in the sense I'd have that for any other mentally ill person. Honestly I really don't want to see her suffer, but I also don't want to 100% give up my life for her care.

Vis a vis the Facebook thing I'm just going to put her on my Restricted list so she can only see things I set to Public. Hopefully that will stop prioritizing posts in her feed on which I've commented - I can also just pick up the phone and talk to my friends instead of posting on Facebook. I've been working on making myself do that anyway since I need to be less enmeshed with mother and since depression has been making me isolate. One of my friends in particular definitely does know how things are with mom, we're like sisters and I can call her any time of the day or night which I definitely do not take for granted.

Luckily DH and I each got a covid vaccine lately so the end of this hell may actually be in sight. Oh, and, speaking of DH he is definitely on my side in that mother threatened to disown me if I married him - luckily at the time I realized I'd never have a life of my own if I let her break us up. So I stuck to my guns and she only made it 4 months, although she did succeed in ruining our wedding in some ways.

She'd have only approved if I'd married a really rich man because she'd have assumed she herself would be taken care of - her mental disorder makes her put herself first in all things. Luckily even before I knew she likely had NPD I stopped taking this personally, it's just how she is. I think that's how I'm going to talk to her about this once I do have a conversation with her again - if I tell her I think she has NPD she'll go to her grave denying it but she might be able to hear some things if I talk about "how she's wired" and similar, which I also do with her ADHD (which I know she has both because she has all the symptoms and because it's heritable, and I have it pretty much dialed up to 11.)

EP,

My Mom doesn't have dementia, but has severe mobility issues. She uses a walker in her apt and a scooter the rest of the time.

Her ALF is 30 minutes from me now.

I have told her in no uncertain terms that she needs to take me out of the equation. I am willing to grocery shop and visit once a week. (I can live with that) She insists that she can do it herself! I asked her how long? No answer.

I feel as though she thinks she's out smarting me, but she doesn't realize that I fully understand what I'm dealing with "Narcissism ".

My saving grace is that apartments are extremely hard to come by right now. We're in the middle of a housing boom. I honestly don't think the company she hired is going to be able to find what she needs. So I will leave it God's hands!🙏🙏🙏

Hellebore, it sounds like your mother is trying to isolate you from your friends and family, through her Facebook behaviour. I would go ahead and unfriend her as this is very bad for your health. Are your long term friends aware of the situation and sympathetic to what’s happening? If so, get them onside with you to give you the support and strength you need to deal with your mother. If not, make sure to explain to them the problems you are facing. I spent decades hiding my mother’s behaviour from my closest friends but when she too started infiltrating my relationships with them, I told them what she was really like. They were shocked but supportive and it actually helped me to start putting some emotional distance between us (I think this is when I started going Grey Rock with her). It’s been really tough this past year, not being able to meet up with friends due to COVID lockdowns, but my DH has been very supportive and helped me even more with the problems with my mother. I hope your DH can help you too. I understand how all of this is making you depressed but it’s good you are aware of this and so hopefully can take the necessary steps to get help. Your mother’s behaviour also reminds me of my stepmother’s behaviour towards me since my father died 18 months ago. She focused all of her anger on me, and it really felt like she had a gun pointed at me all of the time, ready to fire at any moment. There were controlling phone calls and texts most days, which made me feel sick with anxiety and worry. No one can live with the strain of being in someone’s “gun sights” all of the time, so I cut all contact with her as it was the only way to get away from being directly targeted all of the time. She still tries to target me, but as this is indirect it has a much weaker impact on me mentally. I’m telling you this not necessarily to advocate you go no contact with your mother, but to explain that sometimes we have to take steps which might seem uncaring to others, in order to protect our own health. With this in mind, you might also decide not to take calls from other family members who are abusive to you when they call. Try to surround yourself with the people who support you, and distance yourself from those who don’t. Easier said than done I know, but it can help to keep this thought in mind when dealing with this kind of situation.

OK, one more thing: Mom has really ramped up pestering me. Multiple emails and texts per day, and since I've set my Facebook where she can't read most of my updates she's going way out of her way to post things on our mutual family/friends posts that she thinks I'll see. Like if I comment on someone's post she'll come RIGHT after me and comment. As far as I know there's no way to prevent FB from alerting her when I comment on a mutual Friend's posts without unfriending her which honestly I'm considering.

I'd tell her to back off but a.) it'll make things worse, since it always does whenever a narc parent perceives one is trying to evade their control, and b.) it'll just lead to a torrent of BS about how "selfish" I am and how poor pitiful & persecuted she is, which is the whole reason I want to get away from her to begin with.

What to do, what to do. Guess the answer is probably continue to stick to my guns, answer maybe every 10th message, and ignore it. For some reason it's really bothering me that she's pulling people who are mostly my own longterm friends into this though I can't say I'm remotely surprised.

I keep feeling like one of my cousins is going to call and yell at me for neglecting my poor mother, since one of them is a saint who cares for one my aunts who's just as much of a handful as my mother.... honestly she's the only one whose opinion I really care about but at the same time I think she of all people realizes how difficult all this is. I'd call her for some advice but she has a lot more financial resources than I do so probably she'd tell me to hire somebody to help, but I can't do that right now with spouse out of a job due to covid.

chris wrote: "I contrasted that with my experience of barely being able to leave the house, never mind take even one holiday, and I knew I'd done the right thing in moving her out. She looked so good because she spent her whole life putting herself first! I will drop these albums off with her and she can do what she likes with them - at least she has those memories from that period in her life.”

Hear, hear. This whole recent no to very low contact episode has given me some real insight. I was pretty miserable even before covid hit due to being guilted by narc mother into providing too much attention to her and my aunt both. Now, after a year of covid with way too much contact from them both on top of spouse job loss and loss of 90-some percent of fun activities I am deep into a serious bout of depression. Having experienced this before I know if I don't save myself no one else will.

Did *they* spend all their time entertaining and providing for elderly relatives when they were in their 50s? Hell no. My aunt took care of my grandmother, but my mother lived in another state from their parents and left my dad when he developed a serious illness and needed care (which then fell to me) so she does not have a leg to stand on.

(Unfortunately aunt is really difficult and spends the whole time on the phone complaining in such a loud tone of voice that you can't get a word in edgewise, so I try to text and send cards. However she also gets care from several of my cousins and nearly nobody helps me with mom other than a couple of family friends.)

I'm going to have to keep working on my attitude and protecting myself/DH and thanks a hundred million times to all of you who help me do this!!!!!

xray, you and I are dealing with many of the same issues as we know. I'll be in here every couple of days so let's keep comparing notes. I completely hear you on mother using boundaries to complain as I'm basically a zillion percent sure my mother is already doing that. I've had limited contact for a month which has been marvelous for me mentally so she's just going to have to learn to deal.

thanks so much piper and chris as always. Your experiences really are instructive. That's a big part of why I've gone very low contact this month - mother needs to get a taste of what life is going to be like without me around 24/7 to whine to and make unreasonable demands of. My mother is not incapacitated. She's 82 and has limited mobility and energy, for sure, but there are things she can do for herself and since she's been in her local community for 20 years she knows other people she can call and ask.

I'm still trying to decide what to do about Mom's limited resources and her determination to move somewhere closer to me. Unfortunately even if we sell her home there'd only be enough money for around four to five years of assisted living at the current rates in the town we live in (largish city in the US South with absolutely skyrocketing cost of living.) My guess is mom would outlive those funds and she's sharp enough to know that plan B would likely be spending her down for Medicaid nursing home since I'm not going to spend spouse/my own retirement savings for her care and I am not moving her into our house. Maybe I could be noncommittal about the moving her into our house and say something like we could try AL for a while and see how it goes. She is easily the most manipulative person I know so I think I can work into not feeling guilty turning the tables on her a little bit.

I think I'm going to start working on telling her she needs to stay in her own part of town because she knows a lot of people over there. It's kind of hard to explain but we live in a fairly large city and I live across town. If she moves over here it will cut down a lot on people who might be called to come deliver her food or run her to an appointment - she doesn't know anybody much on this side of town and I don't want it all to fall on me.

If it looks like I'm going to wind up stuck with her moving to a condo or something a few miles away I am going to start making calls to see what resources are available since I effectively have no siblings and my cousins aren't around. Rides for seniors, adult day care, that kind of thing. I think Mom is envisioning coming to my house every day and that is most definitively also not going to happen.

Piper, I second everything you've said. As you know, I moved my mother into supported living in January after she'd lived with us for over 10 years and had come to dominate our family life. I had an "epiphany moment" in late October: I looked forward into my life and could see no change, except that things would just get worse as my mum deteriorated with age. Being honest, I could see signs of that deterioration and it depressed me. Where was my life and my freedom? I didn't want much, but did want some privacy and space in my own home, and the ability to leave my home occasionally without the high drama and fuss and the mountain of household jobs on my return. My mother is safe and has the care she needs, but now someone else is doing it instead of me, and that is fine. Life is still restrictive, due to Covid restrictions, but my burden is certainly lighter than it was. Yesterday I sat in my kitchen with a coffee, and suddenly thought how nice it would be to have friends round for supper, when we are allowed to. We haven't been able to do this in years because of mum being here, and it's something that's been missing in my life as I loved to cook for friends. I mentioned this to my DH and coincidentally he'd been thinking the same thing. I write this for those of you who are caught up and bound with the ties of caregiving. It's not unreasonable to want a reasonable life of your own, regardless of whether the person you are caring for agrees with this. I've spent time this week sorting through more of my mum's stuff. I know she will never do it, but I'm doing it to be rid of it all - I want it all out of my house. I found over a hundred photo albums of her numerous overseas holidays - averaging about 6 or 8 a year when she was my age. There were cruises, fancy ballgowns and parties, and my goodness she looked good for her age compared to how I look at that same age now! I contrasted that with my experience of barely being able to leave the house, never mind take even one holiday, and I knew I'd done the right thing in moving her out. She looked so good because she spent her whole life putting herself first! I will drop these albums off with her and she can do what she likes with them - at least she has those memories from that period in her life. My memories from being that same age are considerably different! But moving forward DH and I will have the freedoms to do what we want with our lives. I'm just starting on my second gin & tonic after a day of gardening. I do find a little alcohol can sometimes make you see your situation very clearly!

Jodi and Shell, do either of your mom's have dementia? If not please push back as hard as you can to make it crystal clear that you are NOT willing to be their elder care slave.

I'm serious, now is the time to do it. Jodi what do you think would happen if you told your mother "Don't move by me, I don't want you to, and I won't be available to help you. I'm at a stage in life that I need to focus on my own needs"

Would that stop the move? Forget any fury or rage, do you think it would stop the move? If so- I urge you to strongly consider doing it. The rage will eventually pass. Her moving and the guaranteed high-jacking of your life could take MANY years to "resolve".

Hellbore I think your situation is somewhat similar in that NOW is the time to establish what you will and will not do. Even if it means an uncomfortable confrontation. Keep your mind on the goal. I'm pretty convinced that some of the fights with my mom before the dementia got worse DID help as far as her ridiculous expectations of me. This didn't come about because I had learned to master some mental skill, it came about because I was on the brink of a true breakdown and was ready to sell my own condo. I was literally at the point I did not care what she thought of me, or how mad she got, I was losing it. So now- the dementia is making things harder (again) but I don't think as hard as they would be if I hadn't laid it out for her that I was DONE if she didn't adjust her expectations of me.

I just don't want you ladies to have regrets down the road that could be avoided now. Something I should have done 4 years ago.

Shell looks like you and I are stuck for awhile with them having easy access due to proximity. I envy people who successfully got to the point of MC placement. Not in a malicious way as I know the journey to get there is like hell on earth, but it's like the last stop. We all see how much Lea still does for her NM, but with MC it will take a lot of pressure off.

Hellebore,

I wish I had the answer to your question!

I have tried to set boundaries with NM. Phone calls two or three times a week. I have found that she now pushes the envelope. She never called me in the past. She waited on me to call her. Now she has started calling me if I don't call her! Almost on a daily basis!!

Everything I have read about narcissism tells me that they know exactly what they're doing.

I think that's what is holding me back a bit, because it's still so hard to believe that my mother could be sooo manipulative !

Yet all of my logical reasoning to her about why moving into an apartment is a bad idea, has fallen on deaf ears.

Narcissists make these decisions based solely on what they what! They truly don't have any clue about what it may do to us.
We're obligated to clean up their messes. Right?

Part of me thinks that my NM is anticipating my boundaries and is looking forward to using it to get sympathy!! Poor me!! My only daughter won't help me!!

I'm trying to arm myself for battle. I just hope my mind and body will stay strong!!

Lots to absorb in here - CONGRATS to you Lea on the birth of your grandson!!

More tomorrow when I can read in more detail, but just wanted to say this really resonated stilldealing: "I, too, was trained by NM to always feel like i had to take her calls (horrible experiences, always) when SHE called, and then i stopped answering and just returned calls when it worked for me (not at work, calm, not rushed...). Of course, she didn't like that, and tried to push back hard and nastily. I stuck with my program, and she quit calling. Took a long time of persistence on my part."

I think this is how my month of NC is going to end with my mother. I just need her to back off. She calls, texts, emails me constantly. I don't have the time or inclination to provide so much attention. She needs to call other people. She has friends and we have a big family.

Have been thinking about how much contact is right. How often do you talk to your mom? I'd love to do only a couple of times a week so maybe that's what I'll stick to. Right now I'm not answering emails and texts because plain and simple I just don't feel like it. I think she had one of the flying monkeys leave me a message tonight and I'll ignore that too!

Oh, and - I haven't talked to my only sibling for 18 years so sign me up on the 'crappy brothers' list. He's as BPD as they come, sadly and won't be reliable to help care for mom.

DH and I were able to actually visit Mom in her room yesterday.
After rapid Covid tests of course.
My anxiety level tripled on the drive there!

We had a chance to talk to the Director of the facility. In a nutshell, she offered to lower Moms rent $800.00 dollars a month so that she could stay were she is!!

When we told this to Mom, she came up with several excuses that I hadn't previously heard, as to why she needs to move.

I absolutely see what she's doing!! But I am powerless to stop it!!

Honestly I'm not sure what is going to be more exhausting, constantly trying to maintain boundaries and dealing with her crying and guilt and dealing with my "Flying Monkey" brother or just doing her bidding?

Right hand to God, I will never do this to my children!!!

NHWM,
Your welcome! That is just what I notice!

AND your right, women should support one another, but it never happens except for here! Oprah did a show about "Why women see other women as competition?" And would you believe that it starts in middle school? Movies, TV shows, parents, teachers, and friends feed into it and that starts the ball rolling and that ball just keeps getting bigger as we get older!

Our NM would 'NEVER' let a man see their true colors! Then the world would end! My SO does see my NM nastiness, but she thinks he doesn't!

I took a stand against my NM awhile ago; however, I am paying the price for setting boundaries!
Thank you for your support and for you just being you! You are so kind! Hugs!!!


Piper,
Thank you for your kind words! I do and have set boundaries and it is exhausting because I live with her and she is always giving me push back or stealing something of mine. Yes, most of my stuff is locked up and that just make things harder!!! I can't leave anything laying around because it will come up missing!

I would never tell you it was your choice or their choice to not take care of your NM, and all that bs! She was their mother too and it wouldn't kill them to help you out for 'at least' a few hours a week!!! But hey, their lives are not being effective so who cares...RIGHT!! But if it was one of them they would be calling you and begging for help! But trust me on this, they will get what is coming to them...Good or Bad...we ALL reap what we sow! I have seen it to many times and it will happen!!! Mark my Words!

Of course, your resentful, I would be too! H3ll my loser NB does nothing and has nothing and I am resentful of him! Must be nice to wake up everyday and go see your friends and get drunk or high and not have a care in the world! Not that I want to go out and get drunk or high, but it would be nice to wake up without a mile long list of things to do!

We all deserve so much more than what we are getting! Hugs!!

Thank you both. You gals are so awesome!💕


As I was writing this a song came to mind...


Timing Is Everything(Country Strong Soundtrack)-Garrett Hedlund + Lyrics / Shelby Bennett
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ajuuMRecoKY

Shell, I empathize with you. I too feel so stuck. Well, because currently I *AM* stuck, and it sucks. The only advice I can think of to give is advice you have heard a million times -- boundaries. That is ALL we can do with these narcs. Yes, it is exhausting but it is necessary.

I had things to do yesterday and also wanted a day off from my NM. So I told her in advance I would be busy, and also working (yeah I still have that fake job). I also invited her over for dinner the next day - which is now today. At first she acted okay with it, but then during the day she kept calling and coming up with excuses to engage and get together. I held firm, and she copped an attitude which just got me off the phone even faster. All I could think was - I freaking hate this! Leave me ALONE!

Then later I see my sister hamming it up on Facebook with her friends talking about trips and my sister saying she could fly them there in a heartbeat or meet them anywhere, anytime. I wanted to vomit. There are no words for the absolute resentment I feel towards both of my do-nothing siblings who are fine to watch me drown in this mess DAILY while they freely live their lives with zero help with any of OUR mother's issues. I am so bitter towards them. And please, don't anyone tell me- THEIR choice, MY choice, blah, blah, blah. Yeah bullshit, they have abandoned the situation because they are selfish. Period. I could write volumes on how I've been there for them through the years. My brother's incarceration, my sister's affaire, etc. NO MORE. In fact I look forward to the day when I can tell them both to take a permanent hike out of my life for good.

So... I'm mentally preparing for the hours my mom will be here later today. It's what I have to do every single time.

I will say though- and this may seem surprising given how I just ranted - but I've gotten a bit better at acceptance. I don't LIKE it, but I accept that I can't change it. I know my mom can't help it that she has dementia which makes her narc traits even worse. Sometimes I think of what needs to be done (regarding her care and issues) and I consciously tell and remind myself that she is not the same person anymore. She is legit ill. Her mind is failing and it just keeps getting worse. In some way I've accepted that I will have to be the one to see it through and get her into MC. Nobody is going to help me except my DH. It is what it is. The only thing that will change that course is if my mother changes it herself, and moves on her own, but that isn't going to happen. So here we are.

I hope all you ladies have a good weekend. As good as possible. If you need to blow off steam, come here and vent. It really helps.

Shell,

You described it perfectly! You really did. Thanks.

My mom never took me seriously because I was expected as the daughter to automatically do it all!

Sons were not expected to carry out any responsibilities.

My mom never mistreated my husband. She wouldn’t dare show her true self to a man.

Our moms want to look like the innocent damsel in distress to a man.

They wouldn’t ever berate a man but they never hesitate to cut down a woman.

It blows my mind how women pit against other women like they do. I see it all the time.

We should support each other, not tear each other down.

What’s truly sad is, these same people who attempt to tear us down become infuriated if we defend ourselves by standing up to them.

Well, that’s just too bad for them because I decided that I definitely will not allow them to steamroll over me.

We may have tolerated their crap for awhile but no one in their right mind will tolerate it forever.

I am so proud of you for deciding that you will no longer allow your mom to call the shots.

Sure, nothing happens overnight and not everyone one realizes the mind games that our moms play. It takes awhile to wake up and make an escape plan.

Shell, you have suffered a long time, just like I did and I wish you the very best in life.

I know in my heart that there are better days ahead for you.

Lea, I missed the part about your DH and the liver cancer. I am so sorry. It is really something that the diagnosis didn't make it on his chart prior to the heart surgery, but thankfully he did have that surgery and it was a success! Wow, now this. Please keep us posted on what the liver doc says. I wonder if a resection will be possible? My dad had a successful resection of a liver tumor, so it is possible depending on location, and I'm hoping that may be the case with your DH.

Sending you a huge hug. Hang in there Lea, your DH is a tough cookie.

NHWM,
My NM was/is the same way. She always used me for emotional, mental, and physical help, but never bothered my brother. H3ll she treats my SO better than me. I get her mean, nasty, and ugly words while my SO gets her somewhat kindness. She also believes men over women. If I tell her something she blows it off, but if my SO tells her the samething then it must be true because he is a guy!

My NM pited my NB and me against eachother. She started it when I was 7 yrs old and my NB was 13 yrs old.

Now there is no chance for a relationship because my NM taught him that I am nothing more than someone to be used and abused. Isn't it just disgusting mom's pit their kids against one other?

Now, I just have to find away out...I am done...I have been crying all week because of everything she has done to me & everything she continues to do to me!

I just cannot find the answer on how to get her out of my life...many on here have tried to help, but yet there is still no answers. Heavy sigh!

Lea,
I just thought the grippy socks would work because of her having neuropathy and is in a wheelchair. I thought well she's not walking around so what about grippy socks?! Didn't think about her getting on & off the pot! As long as you have found something that works for her-at the moment! Thank God for the little things!

Just remember to take care of yourself!

xray-just saw your post about feeling guilty when your mother calls and you don't answer phone. I, too, was trained by NM to always feel like i had to take her calls (horrible experiences, always) when SHE called, and then i stopped answering and just returned calls when it worked for me (not at work, calm, not rushed...). Of course, she didn't like that, and tried to push back hard and nastily. I stuck with my program, and she quit calling. Took a long time of persistence on my part. Now she hardly ever calls, knowing I won't answer and may not return call for a few days, if ever (if I sense she is only calling to harass me). I am so much calmer now (i suffer from chronic anxiety due to her NM parenting), and have no regrets. I really worked on dropping the guilt (started with just labeling my feelings-something children of NM's aren't supposed to have, ya know...), and by tuning into my own emotions and feelings, and exploring the feeling and the cause...I am moving on. Sure, I have setbacks (particularly bad right now because NM is dying and using this as an excuse to just be mean, meaner, meanest...), but she is well cared for in her own home with paid caregivers, and I have decided to go back to no phone call time/abuse, visit briefly every two weeks or so, and check in with siblings frequently to assist behind the scenes with her caregiver arrangements, nursing issues, etc. I hope this post helps you and others here try new approaches to these sad situations.

Lea, congratulations on your new grandson! Such wonderful news!!

Found these articles and thought I would share them!




https://www.healthline.com/health/narcissistic-victim-syndrome

https://www.banyantherapy.com/narcissistic-victim-syndrome/

Lea: Congratulations on your grandchild.
I am sorry for your husband's cancer.

Lea,

That’s sad that your mom’s falls were from the gripping socks.

It’s so frustrating figuring out what is best for parents. Not to mention how completely exhausting too.

My mom’s physical and occupational therapist recommended them for mom. She liked them but I had to order the men’s size to fit her properly.

Now my mom goes barefoot. Do you know how hard it is to find size 12 slippers in wide width is?

Not my problem anymore. I dealt with it for 20 years! Long enough. Absolutely more than my share.

Thank you lealonnie, I just read your post. So sorry about your husband. Poor man he has been through enough. Thoughts and prayers sent.
Glad you have a little one to think about. I love the name Benjamin. I bet he so cute with his red hair.

Thanks for the congrats girls! I'm happy about my new grandson! Mom & dad are over the moon!

Earlybird, my post is 14 posts down about DH getting dxed with liver cancer.

Shell, grippy socks caused 4 falls in 8 days. I dropped off the shoes and the socks arrive here tomorrow; I'll drop them off on the Sunday window visit and hopefully that's IT for awhile. You are right; she will NOT ASK FOR ANY HELP and that's why all the falls happen. The shoes will help SOMEWHAT in stabilizing her so when she DOES NOT ask for help standing up, at least the effing socks won't make her slip and the shoes will prevent her from slipping. At least. The MC floor is not super slippery; my mother is super unbalanced and has no feeling in her feet at ALL. The grippy socks made matters 10000x worse. She was wearing the things b/c she had a toe infection. Never ending BS is what it all is, in reality. And yeah, it sucks.

Chriscat; the joy of a new life is an awesome thing right now. The irony is not lost on me. DHs doc told him if he does nothing (no treatment) he has 3-5 years to live. Sigh. Scares the crap out of me and makes me feel very alone at the moment, truthfully.

Lea,
Congrats on the new family member! What a joy!

I think I miss wrote what I was trying to say, "my bad!" I do understand that there are things you HAVE to do! MC are not going to provide things like shoes, clothes, and etc, I think I was trying to say is maybe there are things you don't have to do or maybe (if possible) take a day or two to get things done for your NM! So you can have some days for yourself! It has to be hard finding shoes for someone who isn't in the store with you to try them on! I do understand that you are between a rock & a hard place! And it just sucks!!

Have you tried those socks that have the grips on the bottom of them? My NM kept slipping on the basement stairs and they worked; however, I don't know if they would work on a MC floor if it is super slippery! Plus, they may not give your NM the support she needs! Just a thought!

Your NM is so stubborn that she won't ask for help and still thinks that she can do something that she really can't and all she really is doing is making things harder for you!! I get it! My own NM is the same way!!

One of the biggest problems with Narcissistism in my opinion & beside the obvious of their selfishness & lack of empathy, is they think they know more than everybody else; therefore never trusting what other people say! They don't even test their way of thinking!!

I just want you to take care of yourself.

I am so very sorry to read about your DH! He will be in my prayers along with you! Sending you warm hugs!

Congrats Lea!!!

(((Hugs)))

Lealonnie, congratulations on your new grandson. I am so happy for you.
I did not know your DH had cancer, tried to find your post but couldn't find it anywhere. Sending prayers to your husband. So sorry.

Lealonnie, congratulations on your new grandson Benjamin!!! So happy for you!!!

Lea,

How wonderful!

How are Benjamin’s parents doing? They must be overjoyed!

Lea, great joy! A new life! Sending congratulations to you all.