Brother and I have different opinions whether mom should be in a nusing home.

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Mom's only problem is she needs help with showering and meal preparation due to mobility issues (she uses a walker). She broke her leg 3 years ago and is 84. Does not have dementia. She lived by herself at home and even drove up to 6 months ago when she got sick with a urinary tract infection. Got very weak and was in rehab and brother thought was best to leave her at nursing home. Mom is using her savings to pay $4000 a month, which will last a year and a half. Brother thinks medicaid will pay for it at after mom is broke. Nursing home says mom can go home now and wouldn't qualify for medicaid in NH because she is independent. I'd like to hire someone to check on her 2-4 hours a day and help with daily tasks. He won't listen to me and has power of attorney. He says the NH is best for mom; my sister lives in her town but doesn't want to be responsible nor caregiver. I feel like they want to stick mom in home because it's convenient for them. I'm so frusterated. Mom would love to return to her home where she's lived for the past 40 years.

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My brother and I disagree about putting my mother in a nursing home. She does have dementia but is very easy to care for and is ever difficult, is always sweet, and is 96. She lives in a beautiful home and has wonderful caregivers around the clock. One of them has been with her for almost 10 years. She does not want to move. But my brother keeps saying it's time to make a change. She can afford to stay in her home for the rest of her life--she is wealthy--but she won't stand up to my brother. He has DPOA and the health care directive says he can make all decisions about her care and her living arrangements. In other words, he has complete control. I am desperate for help. My mother won't last long in a nursing home and it would be so traumatic for her if she is forced to make such a change at this point in her life. She has no medical issues that require nursing care.
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If mom is "mentally there" as you said, have her revoke the Power of Attorney and make her own decisions or designate someone else (yourself or sister) as POA.
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Tollie16, who will be caring for your mom? Is brother taking her "home" to her house or to his? She will need 24-hour care. How will that happen?
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Mom is in a nursing home, she have lost the use of her legs and is incontiniue of urine and feces, she have 7 children all who live in different states, my brother have divided to carry her home before the end of the year because she's tired of being there and have very angry feelings about being there to the point of cursing her children out for not taking her home as she request. What do you think?
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sharirose, qualifying for Medicaid takes place on two levels: financial and medical. The brother here thinks that when Mother (who is private paying) runs out of money in a year or so she will automatically qualify for Medicaid. That is not true if medically she does not need to be in a nursing home. This is one of the concepts that cherry needs to help her brother understand.
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I briefly read thru your postings cherry and I'm confused about one thing. if she was in rehab, does she have medicare that paid all or part of up to I think 120 days or was she private paying? or was it some other insurance. shouldn't the NH have released her as soon as she did not qualify for NH care instead of keeping her there under private pay? I hope you do not run into a situation where the NH drains all her private funds and then the state rejects the medicaid NH application due to not meeting level of care required. If the NH says she doesn't need NH care, then who is going to certify to the medicaid authorities that she does?
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Thanks, everyone. Believe me, my brother does not and will not take care of mom; he lives an hour away and very busy with life. But he is going to take a day to go talk to nursing home (verify what I said about Medicaid), talk to mom, and my sister. So, he's coming around. My main issue was that he thought mom was fine in nursing home and once her money is spent down, medicaid will pay. Mom's only problem is using a walker, being a little slow moving, and stubborn about taking a shower...that's probably what lead to the UTI. I want to get mom home, save her money, have some in home care a couple of hours a day. OncehatedDIL is correct; mom is a people pleaser...tells us what we want to hear. She told my brother she was happy at NH and food was good several weeks ago. This was before she learned there was a chance she could return home.
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katiekat2009, I'm sorry for your situation? I don't hear Cherry18 saying anything about expecting her brother to take care of Mom. In fact, the plan is for paid in-home care.

You are right. things happen everyday. And if something happens that requires it, there is nothing to prevent a return to the N.H. She went in for a temporary condition that is past now. If she develops a permanent condition, that will need to be addressed when it arises.
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Unless you are willing to step in and be primarily responsible for your Mom, then I would abide by brother's wishes. If you want her released and him taking care of her, that is not fair. That is the situation in which I find myself. Brother does not want mom to go to nursing home but is unwilling to help more. You can't make the decision to place a burden on someone else. Mom may be fine now, but, believe me, things happen every day.
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Thanks everyone. I think the next step is to have a family meeting. I'm in charge of mom's finances, being a CPA. She just has her house and an annuity now worth $90K ($12K already spent on NH). She gets $2200 net income a month from SS and pension. I spoke with my sister yesterday and she is on board with mom coming home as long as home care comes by for a couple of hours a day.
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