I'm so tired, physically and emotionally. My health is suffering.

I suspect that every case is different, and elderly people are all different. Some are much more resilient than others, and healthier, with better genes, and have a strong will to live. There are so many factors here that I think it may be an error to extrapolate from our won experiences based on this poster's question. Yes, diabetes is a complicating factor, but some elderly patients do well after surgery and continue to live active fulfilling lives. Yes, surgery and anesthesia are risky, but some risks pay off.

I have been told at least three times that my mother was too old for surgery and would probably not survive, but we decided to go ahead with various knee and hip replacements rather than have her bedridden. I have been told each time that she was going to be permanently mentally impaired from the anesthetic, but with patience and therapy she recovered.

We were lucky, and I would never counsel someone to do what we chose to, but good outcomes are possible. And after each episode I have been drained and exhausted, and my health has suffered, but I am working on taking care of myself too, and little by little things are getting better.

THANKS STEPHAN, I AM ALSO GETTING SLACK FROM A GREEDY HALF BROTHER THAT DOES NOTHING, HE IS CONCERNED ABOUT MY MOM'S WILL. I TOOK HER TO A LAWYER AND HAD HIM FILE IT WITH THE COURTS, HE JUST FOUND OUT AND IS LIVID,,,, MOM HAS ALREADY GIVEN HIM $55,000. PLUS CO SIGNED FOR HIS HOUSE AS HIS DRINKING GOT HIM A DIVORCE AFTER 17 YEAR MARRIAGE,,,,

You need to get your own caregiver's health under control or you will not be able to help your Mom any longer. Perhaps your Mom needs to go to assisted living arrangements while you are mending yourself?

Yes, at her age, your mother is at risk for surgery option. As you have said, your mom still has a sharp mind, then let her make the decision.

If Mom can make a decision, that is fine, but perhaps with family assistance and opinions.

Mom's memory has gotten worst, she yo--yo's on her decisions and changes her mind, She can not comprehend much going on in her assets or liabilities. She has depression and is in Assisted Living and sleeps till 2-3 pm so she misses breakfast and lunch,, in her nightgown all day in her room. She will go without eating rather then get dressed and go downstairs by elevator with people who want to be her friend,Chronic depression runs in her family, She really has no will.The Assisted Living is close to $60,000 per year. She will not push her bracelet for help for anything,,, I know she is not taking a shower very often, I am not happy wit where she is staying but there are more worst ones, what a shame all the money being paid for her to have a good time, activities, road trips to local shopping centers, musicals up on the 9th floor overlooking Lake Champlain, I know when someone has depression, nothing can make them happy, I know money is going to run out. I do not know what to do,,,Her father quit eating as he wanted to die and he did, from not eating. Her brother hung himself at 60 years old and the note he left was he did not like getting older,,Mom has been on medication and it never works for depression. I have taken care of her and my Dad for 8 years. My Dad passed 2 years ago.. Her house needs repair to sell and the house comes with 97 acres of woods that are wetlands...I lay awake till 4am or later,,,,,their seems to be no options:(

If the anti depressant medication she's on isn't working, she should be seen by a geriatric psych or geriatrician and switched to one that might be better; there are lots of options out there. I've been told many times that with AL, you need to apply for NH when you're down to your last 6 months of funds. Check with the social work dept at the AL, or at your local council on aging.

Thanks but what is AL? She has land and they consider that as asset, it is wetlands. no water or sewer. My Mom's house has old in it badly as my Dad was tight with the money.Her house has a value , but the house is all one piece with the 97 acres.. I have spoke to Champlain Valley Office of Aging, they are not any help really. they say she owns assets with the land and house. I have no funds to fix up her house, get a engineer to deal with the town on a possible sub division on her house and have just the house with 2 acres, it would make more sense. There is only one spring here that I am on , my parents and my brother, there is no water, I have a septic mound cost me $14,000 in 1990 that is my sewer. It;s crazy, every way I try no help. Mom has tried every anti depressant in her lifetime,,, no results..

Al is assisted living.

Hope you thoroughly enjoy your two week vacation .. you've certainly earned it!!

Here's another story .. this time more positive towards surgery. Edna (my client) has a congestive heart condition (tho no heart failures, to date), high BP, recurrent UTIs (due, in part, to incontinence and a prolapsed rectum) with the ensuing battles of too many antibiotics and the risk of creating a superbug she'll never beat, onset diabetes, high cholesterol, and had a stroke 5 years ago, with resulting vascular dementia.

I'll make a much longer story short. She got gall stones and a vicious infection. The options were surgical (with least invasive procedures) or antibiotic treatments. Both carried high risk. She has a DNR, except for procedures that improve life (not just prolong it).

Opted for surgery, after much consideration. Simultaneous to the surgery one of her long term meds was discontinued. Cut to a month later. She's in better condition than she's been in for nearly four years. It's astounding.

So, yeah .. everyone is different. You just have to weigh out the pros and cons.

Best of luck, and let us know how it goes.

Oh .. and she's be 91 in two months. She battles on!!