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Well were out here in the middle of nowhere in the Midwest. I am now "taking care" of my Mom but she does very thing, sorta.
First I should say I helped with my grandparents diabetes, loss of libs, kidney failure. I took care of my dad who required dialysis, advanced wound care, and was gone 4 days a week doing all of that. My mom has retired after over 50 years of work. We farm and that has allowed me the time I've had. Here is the developing rub. The people who used to run the programs and clinics have retired, and now we have young people who want to do nothing....and if your over 70 are old.

My mom has worked all of her life, and didn't have time to socialize.....in this area it was looked down upon working in town, the local senior services are laughable (but on our property tax)...only open 3 hours per day....no organized activities...they have senior meals....if you can call them that...a tablespoon of this and that.....no special diets (she is diabetic)....and still $3.
Transport...in town only....to the only grocery store in town and a few other places.....no transport to bigger town for shopping. Yes transport to bigger town for medical but 1 day per week.....first come first served.

The other support should be the church's...But a joke...all are clannish...if you go to a church you should only talk and fellowship with your own church......we have been In this community for years.....and never invited to attend church.....say what you will about the jahovia witness, but at least they get out and talk to people....where are the rest of ya?

At any rate....due to all of this she is pulling into a shell....she doesn't watch her diet, watchdog TV...sleeps quite a bit,
having bladder problems....and doesn't even go outside...she has put on weight and can't walk far. Our new know it all doctors say....oh at your age you deserve to rest....then make out common rx.....and foul it up and don't follow up on care....I wanted a sleep study...they didn't think it was needed....this is just not one MD...but the whole practice.

She is turning into a mess......going from going....to not moving and nobody willing to help or give a $%#!. Even her so called
friends even contact her since last year she was doing things at the farm and they thought it just terrible....doing that at her age....sell some of it and run with us.....only problem is what those "old heifers", Don't realize, you'll loose 1/3 to capital
gains plus that is where she gets part of her income.

Ok...what to do........I can't stand watching her turn into a pile of jello. She deserves better after all the work she has done....
But all these &*$# twits around don't give a %&$#.

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Heehee! I think it's FANTASTIC!! WhooHoo!! If you tried to do it, you couldn't:) xo
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Oops looks like when I tried to correct
A line it put it at the bottom of the message so
Please disreguard the last two lines of the last message.
Isn't technology great !!!!
Where is there an eraser when you need one!
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Hello, and thank you everyone for your
comments. It appears that the autotype
Was quite active when I entered the message.
A small town is good and bad. We have an older fellow
That drives twice a week. Grocerys and church.
he has never had a wreck.....but we all know
The car..so we get over close to the side of
the road, or go around the block....as he
speeds along at 20 MPH.
A big place wouldn't stand for that.....
BUT. If you are not a member of the
Right church, or disagree with the city
Council you are an outcast.
The same with resources....there are none.
the senior center only open 3 hours, no
activities....most are "old" in their mid 90s,
and don't want to stay that long.....and have
3 people to serve less than 20 people dinner,
And due to their age and activity levels,
Small portions are served.
Yes there is a van, and yes it will go out
Of town for medical....even 150 miles away,
They do not offer shopping trips to a
Bigger town with a Walmart etc.
the reason cited is "we want to support
Our local community....who's prices are an
Outrage.

We farm, and she does a little bit each day.
firming harvest she has her certain wheat
truck she drives. The old women in town
thinks it horrible "working at her age", but
its her choice and she enjoys it.
Since she worked in town for years at
Varied hours in the medical field, she
didn't
Get to church much....well the little old lady's
Think that horrible so you are not invited
to their activities.
And now medicine believes once you hit
70 you are worthless.
With all of the "surrounded by twists",
It gets to her in a negative way......but
What can be done? ???

So many around here think at that age (ESP the young people) think
You are worthless, and the old lady's can't
Stop talking about church (or rather was going
On with the church members), and say its better to let people die in peace,
There was a real uproar a few years ago, a
75 year old took cancer treatments...the
Town thought how terrible..he lived a good
Life for 11 more years, died in auto accident
Not if his Fault.
so.......the question is, what do you do
When surrounded by twits? ????


Hope the steam has not curled everyone's hair!
Thank you

as Lady's think that horrible
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Additionally, that you returned immediately to "own" your attitude, to me, deserves immediate forgiveness. Two behaviors I rarely forgive are the annoying passive aggressives and Doorbell Ringers. They hide behind their computers/run. Lol
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CKaufmann, it's ok. Each of us express ourselves in different ways. This site is represented by many socio-economic, educational, cultural groups, etc .
I find it quite humbling when I read a post from someone doing their best to express feelings who is struggling. We are all created equal, but we are not raised equally, nor encouraged or loved equally :( and just as you are momentarily impatient over misspelling, someone else is impatient with someone who is crying about a problem that someone else overcame last year.
Maybe being a caregiver is the Great Equalizer. Those who are last will be first, and visa versa. We care about each other, we care about you, you care. It is a beautiful tapestry. Blessings to you, xo
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That's very sweet of you tooyoung and you're right. I am burnt out. I'm also under medicated, but I'm afraid to try a new antidepressant for fear that it won't work and I'll be working totally without a net.
But really, like it or not, the issue of my first post was about the "busy"s confusing message. I mean, what does "but she does very thing" mean? (I get annoyed very easily these days.)
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Sometimes in our stress and burnout it is hard to be coherent. It just pours out, uncensored and not spelled checked. As caregivers we should be understanding of that and cut people some slack. If not here, then where?
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ckaufman200, I think you do care. Otherwise, you wouldn't be participating on this website. The fact that you have lost your self censoring and say you don't care would indicate that you are suffering burnout too. The discussions often have people venting, which is understandable considering our situations, and venting can help us feel a little better. If the venting frustrates you, you might find the informational articles more helpful. Hugs to you and I hope you find something that helps you feel better.
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Look, if you want help or advise or just sympathy, you have to be coherent. PERIOD
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It is much easier when you live in a city. We currently have 4 people we are caring for and the resources in a city are so much better both medically and socially. I wish I had a good suggestion that would be useful to you but if you are out in the middle of nowhere, there is not likely to be much help. @ ckauman2000- yes it is being a jerk to carry on about her writing skills and spelling. I have a PhD and am caring for 4 people (and have cared for friends and relatives in my home for 36 years) who range from a grandmother with Alzheimer's and other physical issues, a hypercritical mother with cancer and other ailments, a best friend dying of cancer, and a Down syndrome teen with physical issues. Even so, I don't feel the need to offer assistance only to those with perfect grammar and spelling skills.
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Yes, I'm being a jerk, but nine years of taking care of my Mother in a situation that rivals "busy" has broken down some of my self censoring and furthermore, I don't care.
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I'm sorry you're having to deal with this "busy". And I'm sorry ckaufman2000 is being a jerk (and yes-insensitive) by pointing out misspellings on top of all you're already dealing with. It sounds like the doctors you have taken your mom to are very insensitive and probably are just General Practitioners (also called Family Doctor). If I were you, I would see if you can get her to a Geriatric doctor - a doctor who deals just with the elderly - and not go back to the doctor's office/practice she went before. A Geriatric doctor will be more in-tune with problems dealt with by the elderly. Another thing to think about is if your mother lives out in the country by herself without any children around - it may be time to think about selling the farm and getting her closer to you or her other children. It doesn't mean she has to live with you but maybe get an apartment for seniors. No one will oversee and care for your mom like you or your siblings and it sounds like you're trying to get care for her already. It sounds like she could be getting or already is depressed, which would cause sleep problems, not caring about her diet or care about what is going on around her. And it might help her too if she's not on the farm but closer where family could possibly visit more. But I agree with you - since this is not her norm - she does seem like something is wrong with her. Hugs and Good luck!!
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Just a note; sorry if this seems insensitive, but it's hard to read (or want to read) a poorly written message full of misspellings. I'm just saying.
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Yes, you are right. The medical profession and the "professionals" (not all) are mostly concerned about themselves and the "lives". They are all "disconnected"..and if they do not face the day to day task of caretaking (which most of them have not) you are basically talking on to deaf ears.

My Mother was diabetic and suffered from Alzheimer's for 10 years. I was 24/7 caretking Son. I gave up alot, but would do it all over again. Family members, brother and sister-in-law, remote and "disconnected". You have to continue to fight and speak out for what is happening, and your experiences. My Mom passed away late last year, and for most all family memebers, couldn't have been soon enough. She did have a quality of life, up until the last few days of her passing.

Hang in there, and talk with people (close friends) that have a similar background and "know" what you are talking about. Don't waste time with those that are disconnected...it won't help you, rather hurt you. I am still working on this practice.

Marco40
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