I'm still being tortured!

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Nothing has changed with me......the curse is still cast over me! I quit my job and
I'm now trapped into being the 24/7 caregiver for my 88 year old mother. I quit my job 5 months ago and life has been hell. I'm stuck at home and my mother is in
control......her care controls it all.......it's a hellish life I'm in.....the saga continues!

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I am being serious, when I ask "What happens when the stress kills YOU?" That is what happened on out Mother's case. Low and behold, a NH has helped my Mother tremendously.

At home, 24/7 care, here, costs $11,000. If you are not getting paid, you should be.
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Roscoe,I get it and I'm not going to be mean to you. I know how you feel. I got a good part time home helper. Very part time, but that helps a bit. I can empathize with you. We're trying very hard not to go the nursing home route, too, so I do understand. I try to enjoy my time with Mom but it's way too much time. It's not natural for adult children to spend every moment with their parent. My Mom is not pleasant very often and is downright mean at times. She is sweet to any outsiders though. It's interesting. You can complain and vent but eventually you have to do something different. I''ve learned that people get tired x of hearing the same complaints over and over again. I know I sounded like a broken record and I got disgusted with myself. So I got some help. It's not much but I can get out and Mom is paying it. VA MIGHT reimburse us. Not sure yet. Do something to help yourself. I quit my job because my husband had one, bug he doesn't any more so I get you completely. Just do something. Anything to change your situation and don't make excuses like I did. Just take the leap. It'll kill you, seriously if you don't get help.
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Whoops...fraudien slip in the previous post... I didn't mean that she might live to be 100.00. I meant she might live to be 100 yrs old. LOL! And Patience was supposed to be patient. Don't you just spell check sometimes? ;-)
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Joycew - one of the best posts about the pros of putting a loved one in a nursing home I've read yet.

Roscoe, there are nursing homes that do not cost 6,000/mo. There are homes that take much less, especially if the patient has nothing except SS to rely on. If the elderly person has a home, car and any other assets they can be sold to make up the difference between the patience Social Security and the monthly cost of care. If you're doing 24/7 duty as a caregiver in hopes of saving your mom's money so you can get an inheritance, at the expense of your own quality of life, I'd rethink that If I were you. She's liable to live to be 100.00. That's 12 years out of your life, and by that time any savings she has might be gone anyway... You sound like you hate what you are doing, and I'm sure mom picks up on your hatred. You're not doing her any favors with this attitude so you might look at viable alternatives. Maybe someone else in the family can help to spell you part of the time or maybe you really should take another look at NH care. Or find some way to get a grip and change your attitude on the caregiving you're doing.
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Nursing homes are way less expensive than private care in ones own home. Even an aid runs more for 24/7 care than a nursing home and if you factor in skilled nurses the price close to doubles.
For those who have small children and need a job and cannot quit their job because they would lose their home, their small kids would be on the street, their health insurance would stop and they would have no money paid into a pension to live off of when they themselves retire -- liquadating their parents assests and selling their home and paying $6 grand a month even with the risk of no inheritance can be a bargain if you know your family would suffer in the long run.
Studies show many caregivers who quit their jobs, hoping to save all those assests, rarely end up with them. For those who feel a moral or religious obligation to care give 24/7, as many as 30% die before the one they are caregiving for.
Our family has a dying 86 year old and we have a 8 year old child. We're taking the "rip off" plan just so we don't put ourselves and our child through a living hell. If we don't see a dime, losing everything to the nursing home is still a bargain to our family.
Good luck.
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there will be many complaints......but yes, i'll suck it up and take it in stride......for
one day i will be free.....yes i will dearly miss my mother.......but not the craziness
that getting old did to her health.......i won't miss the servitude.......is this the way life
is meant to be.......it's life altering.......when a parent gets old.......there is hell to pay!
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If a NH is out of the question then I guess your only choice is to suck it up and continue as you say being tortured ! You've made your choice so you'll have to live with it with no complaints!
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a nursing home....is out of the question......we would never submit to such a
high cost rip off........not submit to the medicaid rip off.......i know someone who
put their father in a nursing home.....at $6000 per month.......they can shove it.....
the prices.......are terrible
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Did you initially think that this would be something short-term? I see this sometimes where family is led to believe caregiving will just be a few weeks or months and months turn into years.
Is there a way to get your previous job back or a similiar job in your field? Look into doing so and then look at assisted living or a nursing home for your mom. Just being born to someone should not equal indentured servitude.
People who enjoy caregiving or unconditionally love the people they are caregiving for will not understand. Don't worry about them. Find other alternative care for your mom and best wishes.
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It seems like a lot of people come here to vent and get some empathy. I hope that you wind up getting a little more of that because you really sound stressed. Losing a job under many circumstances can be depressing. Just because you took on the job of caregiver voluntarily does not mean you will automatically avoid regretting the decision. You really left one job to take on a new one. One without pay, without the friendship of any co-workers, and one with a boss ( your mom) who can be mean and controlling. It is also a job that like you said is 24/7 and no vacations. Even an enjoyable job would be tough to manage and you don't seem to be enjoying yours at all. Hopefully you are mostly venting, and do find some satisfaction in doing the best you can. If you are really sincere, try to get another person even to come and visit. Try calling area aging agencies for some resources, including counseling for yourself. If your mother has such control over you that she won't let you go, then you have to tell her only that you need to go for treatment for a medical condition. People with controlling personalities can be tricky to deal with. Her dependence on you will not help this trait but only make it worse. You can't change her so you have to find a way to change yourself.
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