Caregiver situation ends in tragedy.


Sadly, a former co-worker of mine shot and killed her special needs sister today and then turned the gun onto herself. She is in critical condition. I know she has been caring for her sister for many years without any help while continuing to work full-time for their support. Please remember them in your prayers.

A few years ago, another caregiver (daughter) shot and killed her mom and then herself at the hospital where her mom was a patient. No one but another caregiver really understands the soul-sapping stress of this position. What is the answer?

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I wish there was an answer. I think it's only going to get worse as Medicare cuts continue to happen and there is no option but for family to care for their ill or elderly loved ones. I never got to the point that I thought about killing my dad or myself BUT I regularly prayed for him to pass at night and would drink myself to sleep at night. Not terminal but very destructive. And only another caregiver truly understands the stress, the depth of depression, the exhaustion. I think of a story a few years back where a mom went into a nursing home and shot and killed her 2 sons with Huntington's disease. She knew they weren't going to get better and couldn't stand to see them gradually deteriorate, just waiting for them to die. And yet when our pets reach that point, the point where we assume they are in pain, where we assume there is no quality of life, we can help them move on with dignity and comfort. And yet when our loved ones can vocalize those same things to us we can do nothing but let them know we love them and are with them. I'm surely not saying that out and out euthanasia is the answer but there has to be some answer in the middle so that no caregiver sees no other way out than to take the life of their loved one and themselves. Katie - I pray that your friend and her loved one have found peace. Kuli

Thanks for your responses. Sadly, she died of her injuries a few days ago.

When this is over, taking care of my Dad, I intend to volunteer respite care. A Day,a week, reliable, competent caregiving, what the caregiver needs. There must be some way to stop tradegies like this. She is in my prayers. Is there a way to send her a card or flowers?

I am so sorry for your loss this is a horrible tragedy to say the very least. I wish I had an answer for all of us....we do what we do out of love and the sense of responsibility, but it can literally kill us. It is my understanding that 30% of caregivers die before their charge dies and I have no idea how many lose their lives in this manner but even one is too many.

I am concerned about the number of people afflicted with Dementia and Alzheimer's and how it continues to grow, I am not as confident as "captain" is about our country becoming a world leader in elder care. I hope and pray to God that something is done to cure these diseases and in the meantime provide us with the help we all desperately need.

My heart breaks with this news.... and yes, only another caregiver understands.... I feel we will be hearing more of this kind of thing as so many are so ill prepared to do this for years on end.... no money, no support, no respite..... It will be up to us caregiver already in the trenches to make a difference... to be heard..... most of us do not have the money or the time to lobby for change... guess if we all put our charges on a bus and ended up at state capitals and such... maybe they would see what we deal with....hear what we deal with, smell what we deal with... I know of no other way.... where do we start? Who do we contact? How loud can we be..???

My heart goes out to you to have to endure this, yet again.... prayers for you, and for all involved.... God have Mercy on Caregivers... please!!!!!

the usa is young and as wild as the gay rodeo in many respects but as a nation now that were coming to grips with the difficulties of an aging population i believe we'll rise to the challenge and be a world leader in elder care solutions.
i have to see a phsyc doc in order to be prescribed ambian. when ive broached the subject of carer duress to two different phsyc docs they did not have a clue so i agree, only another caregiver understands the emotional drain that is caregiving. in extreme cases it entails willingly giving your life and self determination to / for someone else.
lastly, if your ever close to someone who takes their own life , try to factor in mental illness, even a temporary condition, and youll almost instantly find the relief and forgiveness that your seeking.

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