I'm so sick of pride and anger!

Bermuda~Your profile says your mother has Alz/dementia. This is a hard phase to go through. I hope you have a DPOA??? Has your mother made a will or living trust??
I ask because my mother who has what I say is an undiagnosed borderline personality disorder plus Alzheimer's Disease, she has always been a difficult person to deal with,,,confrotational,combative, she is never wrong, but everyone else is...the government is trying to get rid of elders, etc....

When Alz/dementia comes into the picture, there personality can and will become worse. I suggest you google the website for daughtersof narcississticmothers..see if it fits your mother along with dementia.

I changed my approach with my mother once the Alz started to take over. I treated my mother as though everything going on with her was Alz/dementia related. My mother is mentally incapacitated now but she does not think so. I read that people with Alz/dementia do not recognize their condition and will not see that there is anything wrong with them. They do not feel any different than they did a couple years before. How can they feel different than how they think...to them anyway...


We had to wait until mother was diagnosed as mentally incapacitated to activate the DPOA. In the meantime, we had to set boundaries and learn to detach with love. You can google all this info. Hugs to you!!

Believe me, it won't get any easier. Set boundaries and walk out, as soon as she becomes belligerent. I saw my mother treat my sister, the way that you describe and it contributed to my sister dying first. Then, what will happen to your mother? I think you need a plan of action, like when will you go over there, what you can help with and if she is is demeaning to you - walk out the door.

Bermuda siblings or not this is tough. I am main caregiver and my mum is never happy no matter whats done for her. You say she has als/dementia but is still competent? this will not last and she may deteriorate soon. do you have any outside help sometimes just a bit of respite can help us cope better? Just remember shes ill and try not to take is seriously my mum calls me all sorts tells my siblings that I do nothing. trust me sometimes you are better off without siblings can you imagine if they didn't believe you and sided with her? that's even more stress. Try talking to a therapist ive found this helps me as I may aswell be an only child as siblings don't help at all just critizise everything I do.
You could also get your mum to see a geriatrician/psychiatrist and tell him your fears. My mum was never mean until she got dementia and dosnt appreciate me or anything I do. Ive come very close to walking away many times then the guilt hits and all I do to help me is knowing im doing the right thing?