First let me say a heartfelt thank you to everyone who took the time to read, respond, send virtual hugs, share their experience and offer advice. This forum has been the single biggest lifeline for me.

I have been asked for an update and thought I would try to post it this way as I am not really sure the best route to do so....

After more than a month of cat and mouse over getting hubs to squeeze the answer from FIL, not to mention a tone of fusses and sitting and waiting it out, the last blowout finally resulted in hubs (taking it out on me); pressed the “King” for his decision. Never mind we were 13 days away from the trip.... FIL was not happy about “choosing” respite care at AL, it did so. So, the “football” gets tossed to me and I am supposed to take care of the details, just like I knew I would. Today is our anniversary and the trip would be 11 days away. While not saying much when I was told, I did clarify that time would not on our side..... if I had not asked again, we will STILL be sitting here. Hubs was doing just what I suspect, waiting it out, not wanting to risk offending FIL, and would squirm and try to put together some make shift remedy at the end. Due to many factors, which I had declared I would go by myself if necessary.... I have found myself too disinterested to do anything. I am not being passive aggressive, but it is insulting to me that it is assumed I will take the ball and run with it even at the 11th hour... the epic fight it would cause for me to go alone is just not worth it. Our marriage is weak....

It will be no surprise to hubs that something can’t be secured at this late date, and honestly even if I could, just don’t have the interest. I blame both my FIL and honors for this entirely.... 100%. I do plan to let FIL know how I feel about this, and hubs already does.

So I am reclaiming my vacay days, and will take them on my own.

I wish each of you the very best with whatever you may be dealing with, and thank you again. I plan to remain on this forum and hope to help others in some way too. Blessings, sidelined

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I am so sorry that you have been put in this situation.

May you have a wonderful vacay and find a way to have your hearts desires.


Oh, my, Sidelined. I am so sorry that after all the time and indecision, this did not turn out very well. I’m afraid that on some level, this was predictable, though. Too much time passed. The decision of where FIL was going should have been made as soon as the reservations were made, but I’m preaching to the choir, I know. I also know you truly wanted to give your husband a chance to do the right thing. It’s a shame he couldn’t man-up.

I don’t imagine your home is a very happy place right now. It’s not easy to accept that your husband chose FIL over you. Shame on him. I’m not sure I could accept that. Perhaps your vacation will give you a chance to make some decisions.

Im hoping for the best for you.

I’m genuinely sorry for the stress and unhappiness this has brought you. I hope you’ll use this as a jump off point to have some counseling, both on your own and with husband if he’ll go, and get a better game plan for both home life and future trips, as well as plans for FIL since you said you can’t see him continuing at your home long term. I wish you peace, rest, and happiness


Good for you. Hubs is obviously more interested in pleasing his father than his wife.

Enjoy your time off.

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