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I have been caring for my husband for the past 5 yrs. now.. he has kidney failure. on treatments for his illnessin and out of the hospital alot. i am the only person he has.some days i feel like im loosing my mind.. very hard person to deal with since he has been ill. im having a melt down

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Caregiver: I understand that your husband has no family, so you are alone in taking care of him and you work full time. Take a really big breath and exhale. Now, what are your husband's medical problems? What happens when you leave to go to work and when you come home? What happens during the night. Please tell us about your life. We may be able to offer more suggestions. I'm so glad you called Hospice. You need to have a face to face about your situation. I'm sorry that I can't be with you face to face, but I am so willing to listen and think about your situation. Give me more info. Sorry about you not being able to enjoy your grandchild. That is huge and so many things are in your life. Love to you, my friend.
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i have reached out to hospice. for someone to talk to..to help me get past these melt downs..fingers crossed they can and will.i need a person to person vent time.i'm going crazy. we have a 4month grandson i cant even enjoy and that is getting the best of me too!!!!!!!!!!
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thanks for your reply, there is not one person in his family that is around to help. he is an only child. so there for he has only me.he doesnt want anyone to look after him but me.he is so afraid if i'm not with him at all times... omg
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caregiver1950, I am so understading what youre going thru. I am the youngest of five children and I care for my 83 yr. old mother with alzheimers. My husband was injured at work 8 yrs ago and is now unable to care for himself. Many times I ask myself how can I go on doing this another day? None of my brs. or srs. ever help with mom and my husbands family discriminates against due to our religion and will not come around or give support. When I see a melt down coming I hire a girl to come in and stay for an afternoon, and I go where ever I want to go or just go and sit in the library and read. You have to have some way of getting away. some kind of respite care. In some states if you meet the financial guidlines you can get an aid to come in and cook, do the household chores and even bathe your loved one. United Way has a number you can call , 211 and tell them whats going on . They may not be able to help you right then but they can put you in contact with someone who can. that might be something to keep in mind . You are in my thoughts caregiver, try to be strong. I dont know if you pray or not but that helps me, because one thing I do know : if nobody is willing to lend a helping hand (in my family or otherwise) I do know God understands and sees what Im giong through. Im so glad you are cancer free and you are such a great person and a good wife. Youll be in my thoughts
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Caregiver: You are up against it. Is there anyone in his family that could care for him for a couple of days? We just put my dad in respite care for 3 days. It cost us 525.00, but we so needed a break. I couldn't believe how relaxed we were to be in our house without having to focus on anyone but ourselves. We can't afford to do this every month, wish we could. But maybe some family members could help you out. You need an extended time to yourself. Not just a few hours.
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My heart goes out to you! It's so difficult working full time & being a caregiver. Does you husband have a caregiver during the day? I suggest using this same caregiver for some much needed respite care. maybe a few hours on the weekend so you can get out & see friends, have lunch, see a movie. I also recommend therapy, for an hour a week I get to vent. How about your employers, can you take some days off? Please take care of yourself. You are a wonderful wife. I'm glad you are still cancer free!
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hello, im 57 and he is 61.. yes i need the income. thats why i work. i'm also a colon cancer patient. and been cancer free for 6 yrs. now.. i'm happy for that believe me. colon cancer since the age of 45.... stress is off the chart in my life.not i'm doing the best i can with what i have...
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Caregiver1950: Can I ask you how old you and your husband are? Would you mind sharing what his illness(es) are. It sounds like they are extensive as you said, "Now, he has kidney failure." That would lead me to believe that he has other medical issues and the kidney issues are just that latest. You are still working full time. I guess that you need the income, but also the insurance. Maybe you like your job and it gives you some relief. I hope so. If 1950 is your birth year, you have a while before SS or Medicare is an option for you. Even then you may not be in a position to retire. I don't have an answer for the burn out or melt down that you are experiencing.

I always feel like I'm over stepping at bit, asking people for their personal information, but it helps me understand what you are really up against. Maybe it's not just the care of your husband, although that alone would be enough. Five years is a long time to be dealing with a sick spouse who has his own anger about his circumstances. You deserve to have a meltdown. Tell us more about your circumstances. It might be helpful for you to just let it all out. I know what it feels like to be trapped and pressured from all sides, but I've not experienced the way you have. Your experience is unique to you as are your dreams, hopes and losses.

I'm sending you my love and keeping you in my prayers. Tell us more if you are up to it.
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thanks for your help, but why my husband is getting his treament i'm at work as i work full time. so wishing i was able to have some me time but i cant
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Caregiver1950 .... I wish I had some suggestions for you. I too am experiencing a massive melt down moment. However, I whisper a prayer to God and tell him that he's gotta take over because I am growing weary in my well doing!! I am the sole care giver of my 84 year old Father who has CHF, High and Low blood pressure, kidney issues, dementia and just had a stroke. He is now being scheduled for surgery to clean out his coratid artery that is 70% blocked. His wife of 30 years left him well over 5 years ago and refuses to return to care for him. He's hell on wheels! Verbally abusive, demanding, unforgiving, and controlling. He drains me and I feel like I am losing a little of myself everyday that I stay to care for him.

God help us all.

Caregiver1950, I will whisper a prayer for you tonight.

Take care of yourself!
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I am always amazed at how kind and giving so many on this web site are. A great support system.
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Don't you dare melt down! However, it does sound like you need some time of your own. After that; are you able to hire some help? Try to get some kind of help for yourself if possible, because all of a sudden it isn't about your husband anymore it's about you, and you deserve to have your needs met too. Talk to your husband and see what he thinks. He might have some ideas. You two can make this work together. I have a roomamte with end - stage renal disease that I also care for, and believe me he is the most helpful person in my house. He also has had both of his legs amputated, but he keeps on going. He is 57 years old and sometimes I don't know how I could handle some of the things that I have to deal with regarding caring for my 80 yr old mother. I also have another woman that is 54 years old that I care for. She has Epilepsy , OCD, and some hormonal issues . We are all living in the same house. So you see they all keep me pretty busy,and I have to take time for myself often in order to continue to help these people.So remember to always TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF FIRST! It's ok to do so. Hang in there. Heck, I'll take a vacation with you!!
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You need to take your husband-free times. Perhaps you could schedule them like regular appointments. I don't know if your husband qualifies for any financial assistance or if he qualifies for any special programs. geewiz had wonderful advice on taking time for yourself when hubby is doing the dialysis or in the hospital. People need time apart. He may appreciate it as much as you would.
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Dear Caregiver . . . please find some time for yourself. You can't help your husband if you are a mess. Are there blocks of time where he is being treated that you can take some much needed time for yourself? For example, if he goes to dialysis, that is several hours for you to unwind. Do you have a friend that can help out? The help can be spending time with you, even if it is at home. A cup of tea and snack with a friend can force you to relax. Tell us more so the community can share ideas.
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