Think I'm cracking up! Lost it with mum earlier, I'm not coping with this torture.

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my mum gets up at 1pm, I make her breakfast normally tea and toast then I make sure she eats something as shes diabetic shes not eating much but today was just too much after saying she wasn't hungry earlier and refused a sandwich I put the evening meal on at 5pm it was ham and takes along time to cook I was in and out of kitchen when she went "MAD" where the hell is my dinner im starving I havnt eaten all day.
I started shaking and ran to my friends house and now im staying the night lying on her sofa with AGAIN no movement in my back and in a lot of pain. I think im heading for a breakdown illness or not I cant live like this for much longer and wonder how much crap its going to take before I have a breakdown. I feel so bad for my friend as shes been working all day and I suppose the last thing she needs is me here crying but shes been a true friend and as her mum died from als she understands. I hate my mum right now and the fact that ive no place of my own and sometimes feel like nowhere to run AND hate having to depend on anyone for REFUGE its awful! I will head back now tomorrow and my mum will be in foul mood and banging doors I need help and think her doc needs to move his ass?
any advice god if only I had the money to leave here right now im sick with worry as to how much longer I can hold out I am living with a mad woman and I cant cope. I hate my family right now and cant even answer the phone when they call they have no idea how stressful this is. Carers are the victims of dementia is so true I don't want to be a victim I just cant deal with this. My mum will do what she usually does and that's call my sis and tell lies then threaten to kick me out this is abuse and I cant take it feel like crap and now know I need to get away from her or ill go mad.
calm down wont cut it now she is only happy when shes been waited on all day long and I cant live like this. God what would I do to have someone do everything for me except wipe my ass?

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WOW ive been looking after mum with dementia for five years? you think we dont know its a disease? HELLO?
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Practioner as we say here In Ireland "no sh*t sherlock".
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It is very common when people with dementia get agitated and aggressive. But , I always teach families it is not a person who is acting, it is a Disease.
I facilitate support groups in New Jersey for caregivers where we share experiences and find the best solutions.
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Kazzaa, my mother is so complicated. She has never been mentally healthy, but with the help of tranquilizers, isolation, and showtiming for people has been able to appear somewhat normal. I think she even convinced herself for the most part. The dementia is removing her coping mechanisms. Usually I feel I am watching a descent into madness coupled with dementia. I don't think it is dementia alone. Sugar does have a lot to do with it, though I'm not sure of the cause and effect. I've noticed her sugar tends to go up when she is stressed and down when she's tired, even if diet stays the same.

My mother's worst day is usually on Monday. It is probably because her routine is disrupted on Sunday, when we go to church and out to eat. She gets to see people, especially the man she finds interesting. She enjoys going to church, but the next day is often difficult with confusion and anger. I wish I could take her somewhere like church every day, but she doesn't want to do anything except on Sundays.

Yesterday I went to the senior center for exercise and companionship. I did something I never do. I talked about the things I used to do in my job. I realized how interesting I had been at one time in dealing with alligators and criminals. Today I thought that caregiving, while seeming mundane, is much the same. Caregivers wrangle with situations every day that most people would avoid. Maybe being able to do this is why some people are caregivers and others aren't. It gave me some pride to think this. Caregiving can take a lot away from the self esteem, but there is no reason it should. We should be proud that we can face what we do each day and keep on.
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Jesse mum is the same i think when those moods come shes having a ministroke shes in foul mood for a few days i find when she eats a good healthy meal it calms her down a bit? with the diabetes thier moods can be up and down you just never know when shes going to snap! Mum eats one good meal a day meat and veg other than that im done trying to get her to stick to a low carb diet she will eat what she wants like make toast with jam OR bake scones when im out? so i just let her at it less nagging her means less rows? something will happen as her bloods are all over the place but she just either WONT listen or just dosnt register i dont know but ive given up you cant make them do what you want anymore i guess as long as shes safe and eating shes doing ok? seems like your mum is slipping into another stage but ive noticed mums gotten quieter? i say dont knock it! I know its not a good sign but i am enjoying a bit of peace now we never know when this can change?
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Take full advantage of those breaks, some people don't even have them! It IS hard to be so restricted, and to have to carefully plan every outing for when someone else can cover. And no, Mom won't break out in gratitude - she does not likely have the powers of empathy and perspective taking she might (or might not) have had earlier in life, and she needs what she needs, she could not really face the guilt of her needs taking up so much of others as they do, so there is that tendency to deny to start with. Do what you can to make Mom's life better, do what you can to keep your marriage strong, and yourself nourished, rested and healthy - no guilt when you've done your best! Don't hate on yourself for not being able to do it all or to do it all perfectly. It's hard to establish that "new normal." when this happens and life is turned upside down.
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Thank you JessieBelle, I've been waiting to hear back from somebody. Going crazy today, but feel so bad for mom as well. I need to focus on getting out for daily exercise, etc.. We have some caregivers so I do get breaks from time to time but the overall responsibility is weighing on me. Husband couldn't be better, I'm just tired. Exhausted is more like it. I get up early just to have some peace before she wakes and then it starts. Thanks to anyone listening.
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fligirl, my mother is zoned out much of the time. Sometimes she will sit on the side of her bed for an hour or two after going to bed. She doesn't know that I know this, but the side of her bed is completely compressed where she sits. Sometimes I peek in to ask her something and she is sitting there doing nothing. There is a picture of my father on the chest of drawers. Maybe she is looking at him.

Sometimes she will go in the living room and sit bent over in her chair looking at the lower shelf below the TV. She isn't looking at anything, but I have a feeling her mind is tumbling. I know she is having a hard time with what she is going through.

My mother gets mad a lot. There are days when she is easy to get along with. Then there are days when demons take hold of her. I don't know what causes those days. Monday and yesterday were two of those demon days. Nothing could please her and I was working myself into the ground to try to fix the problems. I finally told her last night that she was killing me and to quit it. That just made her madder. One can't reason with dementia. But it may have helped. She woke up in a kinder mood today. Maybe she decided killing me is not something she wanted to do.

Oliviagus, I was having a hard time when I first came here, too. I felt like I had to find some on-the-spot support or I was going to turn into a ball of angry fire and explode. This site helps A LOT when I am angry. I have a couple of brothers, but they are not interested in what goes on here. It is really just Mom and me. That is okay, because I don't think my brothers could handle this, anyway. They are probably glad that I am here.
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My first time on this site, unfortunately (or fortunately) a rough day is why I am here. I just feel so angry all the time, unable to do things that I would love to be doing. Also I have a mother who feels that this is what I am suppose to do, no thanks ever. After reading from others it is helpful knowing I'm not alone! How do you all handle family members who are available and don't help? I have a retired brother who does live out of state but feels as if he is doing me a favor coming twice a year for a week. Well, I feel better already, thanks for reading!
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kaz, if your coping much better now then congratulate yourself for having learned so much . my mothers ocd and craziness usedta get me bent too till she was diagnosed with terminal dementia and sent home on hospice care . most of my self education on dementia came from the various AC articles and from the rantings of people in this chat group . i chatted on here even during moms final hours . the empathy was a great comfort .
phsyc doc recently declared me to be in the best emotional health shes seen in the 5 yrs shes known me . i think im in a better place for having cared for mom ..
we took no shortcuts . i was accused of stealing from mom , trying to poison her and of being an imposter . being read up on the illness saved my sanity .
hospice even asked if i was ok at a point . i told them i read , dont worry about me -- thanks for asking tho ..
if my aunt in NH flips out on me im prepared to walk away without a word . her brain is nearly gone , anything could happen .. weve had fun for a year but i cant alter the course of a dying brain .
a little humor tho ; friend betsy stopped in with me to see edna last weekend . edna said no one told her i got married . she told betsy i was her ( ednas ) boyfriend . that was flattering i guess . one gal dont want me , another dont want anyone else to have me .. it takes a sense of humor to cope ..
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