My father died 2 months ago. I promised dad I would take of mom. She doesn't hear or read or write or drive.. She is very health and 83 years old. I am responsible for her finances, social entertainment etc. she lives alone and does not want to live with me now. My siblings gist and call occasionally. So basically everything is on me. My life now includes her in everything. I no longer get Saturday naps because she wants to go go go. All the time. If I say no she starts crying and says she is stuck in the house (not true) she gets out way more now then when dad was alive. And now she keeps telling me she wants to find a man to go out with. And she is going to walk to McDonald's 2 miles away if I don't come get her.. Insists I take her to Sunday breakfast. I find myself lying to her about what I do when I am away from her so she doesn't make me feel guilty for having a life. I promised dad but I don't think I can do this..oh and she thinks she is rich and just spend spend spend. She lives on social se unity only and barely makes it. I will be having to make up the difference shortly if she keeps spending. When I tell her no she gets upset so I just give in and say fine be broke then. I want my life back..
My husband wants to get an rev in a couple of years and travel.. I don't think I will be a part of it because I have mom..
There are a lot of ways you can fulfill your promise to your dad without killing yourself in the process. One of those ways is to look for and put her in a facility that can meet her emotional and social needs in a way that you can't.
You have to keep living your life.
Excellent point from purplesushi that "assisted" doesn't have to be a formal thing -- anywhere with a social life sounds like an improvement (well, maybe not a bar or casino...). DO check to see if your Mom qualifies for veteran's benefits as a widow. Where I live there is a non-profit that matches people on limited income (or looking for inexpensive housing) with seniors who are looking for someone to live with them, sometimes paying rent, sometimes providing some care. Some matches work out great, some not so good ( "reality" check & needs to be fair )