mrsribit Posted August 2012
Jokes needed to lighten our day. Enter at your own risk!
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🥰🥰☃️☃️
“Caregiver…
aka: Superhero, part-time therapist, amazing human, angel! Thank you!”
😉 "A caregiver sitting on Santa's lap.
Santa:
I'm sorry, but I can't give you holidays off, or a social life. Would you settle for a candy cane?"
😉 “I just stole Santa's naughty list! Ironically, it's almost identical to my friends list."
“A woman and man looking at each other lovingly:
I want to start a dysfunctional family with you.”
“A woman, desperate, calls a Suicide Prevention Lifeline.
The helper on the phone, says:
And when you get to heaven, all your old relatives will be waiting to see you again…ALL of them.”
“I eat better than I cook.”
“Never trust a skinny cook.”
“Many people have eaten in this kitchen and gone on to lead normal, healthy lives.”
🍵🍵🍵🍵
mmmm….yummy, yummy, yummy!
“The secret ingredient is cat hair.”
“Dear Santa, I’m too cute for the naughty list.”
😍😍😍😍😍😍
“Everything tastes better with cat hair in it.”
🐈🐈🐈
“Feliz Naughty Cat”
🐈🐈🐈
“Wait…Did you say I’m allowed to get in the tree or NOT allowed? I forget.”
🐈🐈🐈
“Wreck the tree and blame the doggies.
Fa la la la la la la la la!”
"I've put myself in a time-out until I can play nice with others. This may take a while."
"I have nothing in common with people who wash, dry, fold, and put their laundry away all in one day."
"I may not have lost all my marbles yet, but there is a small hole in the bag somewhere."
"You had me at 'We'll make it look like an accident'."
4 women, each wearing different T-shirts.
"Keep fit"
"I ❤️ sport"
"Run for life"
"Sod it - you could get hit by a bus tomorrow"
Tracey had her own slogan she liked to live by.
"I'm not so sure about an inner child. I have an inner idiot who surfaces every now and then."
"You think I'm sarcastic?? You should hear what I DON'T say."
"Wearing all black today to mourn the death of my motivation."
"The guy who discovered milk...
What was he doing?"
“A girl sitting on Santa’s lap, with a loooong list of xmas wishes:
You know, this could take a while - how about you and I do lunch somewhere?”
“A lawyer approaches Santa:
Mr.Claus, you’re named in a class action lawsuit for discriminating against the “naughty”.”
🦥 “Wake me up when it’s xmas.”
🎅🏻🦥 “Slow ho ho.”
🦥 “I’m cute 🥰 and I know it.”
🦥 “To do. Hang from tree branch. Relax.”
"Live like someone left the gate open."
🦥🦥🦥 “It’s beginning to look a sloth like xmas.”
🦥🦥🦥 “I only wake up for presents.”
“All I want for xmas
🦥
is a nap.”