mrsribit Posted August 2012
Jokes needed to lighten our day. Enter at your own risk!
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the quote made me laugh too!!
Words truly are situational and perspective.
Thank you! Great big warm hug to you this beautiful day.
"I'm sorry and "my bad" mean the same thing...
Unless you are at a funeral."
“Me: Please let me sleep!
Brain: Nope, we have to stay up together and go over every bad life decision we have made so far.”
“There are so many times I made you angry, upset, irritated and tired. Today I just wanted to say that I’m thinking of continuing.”
“I wanted to send you something sexy, but the mailman told me to get out of the mailbox.”
"Sorry, I can't right now. I'm verrrry busy, doing nothing."
"New year? I have to see the trailer first."
"I told him I wanted to walk down the aisle. He sent me grocery shopping."
"I just want you to know that somebody cares. Not me, but somebody does."
"I just wanna feel wanted by someone other than the police."
So I deleted them
But this time Billy asked the limo driver if he could drive the limo since it was something he had never done before. The limo driver agreed and got into the back seat, and off Billy went driving the limo.
Well Billy was having a little too much fun driving it and got a little heavy footed on the accelerator, and soon he was being pulled over by a policeman.
When the officer reached the limo's window, and asked to see Billy's drivers license he was very surprised and immediately went back to his squad car and called in to his station, to see if he could make an exception this one time on issuing a speeding ticket, because he thought someone prominent was in the limo.
When the dispatcher asked who was so prominent that they needed to be excused from the speeding ticket, the officer replied, I'm not sure, but I think it must be Jesus, because Billy Graham is driving the limo.
“Oh xmas treats,
Oh xmas treats,
Please don’t put pounds on me!”
“At xmas, tea is compulsory. Relatives are optional.”
"On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…What is this, and did you keep the receipt??"
"Dear Santa, This isn’t what it looks like..."
"All I want for Christmas is…food!"
"Dear Santa, please define "nice"..."
"Dear Santa, it’s a loooooooong story!"
"It’s almost time to switch from your regular anxiety to fancy Christmas anxiety."
"Santa says he has seen your posts and he has decided that you’re getting a dictionary for Christmas."
"Of course Santa is a man, a woman wouldn’t wear the same outfit year after year."
"Oh Christmas tree, oh Christmas tree, my skinny jeans are history."
"It’s all fun and games until Santa really does pull the naughty list out."
"Dear Santa, My attorney will explain everything..."
"Dear Santa, Is it too late to be good?..."
"Dear Santa, How have you been? Did you have a nice summer?"
"We are changing it up a bit this Christmas, we are actually going to allow my mother-in-law in this time."
"Dear Santa, I don't know what you heard, but..."