mrsribit Posted August 2012
Jokes needed to lighten our day. Enter at your own risk!
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"Stop making drama.
You are not Shakespeare."
"This person
is going crazy...
wanna come?"
“I have no time for stupid people,
but they sure have time for me.”
"Morning check:
Clothed? Yep.
Keys? Yep.
Coffee cup? Yep.
Sanity? Sanity?? And we have a runner."
"If you find a toilet in your dream, don't use it."
“A clean house
is the sign of a broken computer."
“I think I have the urge to clean the house. Waitttt...no. False alarm."
“When your bed is so comfy,
but you know you gotta get up and be awesome today.”
“Annnd poof! All my patience is gone…TA-DAAA!”
“What is love?
Baby don’t herd me.”
“Stop trying to fit in with the wrong herd. Find other black sheep to hang with.”
“Sometimes we crash and burn.
It’s better to do it in private.”
“I just found out it takes 5 sheep to make one wool sweater.
I didn’t even know they knew how to knit.”
“It’s comforting to know I can always count on not counting on you.”
“I tried counting sheep so I can fall asleep but that got boring,
so I started talking to the shepherd instead.”
"I have four teenagers. I didn't get an epidural when I gave birth, but I'd like one now."
caregiving survival mode...activated.
"Survive now,
cry later."
surviving caregiving, one cookie at a time.
i'm still just on coffee...i better hurry up with the list ❤️🙂.
"THINGS I NEED FOR TODAY:
-coffee
-personal space
-magical task-performing helpers
-5 more hours of sleep
-a notice congratulating me on winning the lottery
-more coffee
-negativity-repelling force field
-sparkling sense of humour 🙂
APPARENTLY, I'll be starting with coffee."
"You ever meet someone who is just the human form of crumbs in the bed?"
"Gonna need you to finish your story real quick so I can tell you how the same thing happened to me, but it's more interesting 'cause I'm in it."
"Do you say 'excuse me' to your pet when you walk by them or are you rude?"
"I can't believe I'm supposed to take care of my WHOLE body. It's too many moving parts. I can't keep up."
"Due to personal reasons
I will not be holding myself accountable for my actions."
"Due to personal reasons
I will be moving to the fantasy world in my head."
"Due to personal reasons
I will always overreact before thinking logically & rationally."
"Due to personal reasons
I'm eating a lasagna in my shower."
"Due to personal reasons
I need a cookie."
"THINGS I NEED FOR TODAY:
-coffee
-personal space
-magical task-performing helpers
-5 more hours of sleep
-a notice congratulating me on winning the lottery
-more coffee
-negativity-repelling force field
-sparkling sense of humour 🙂
APPARENTLY, I'll be starting with coffee."