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“If you eat too many cookies, you’ll get sick.”

A fascinating postulation.

I must put that theory to the test.
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I broke my finger last week, on the other hand, I'm okay. - silly
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My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg - RD.
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Even if you change the world, it doesn't mean it won't change right back.
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Always believe that something wonderful could never happen.
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Whenever I’m about to give up, I remind myself the world would be a better place without me and I simply cannot let that happen.
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The early worm gets eaten.
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Being lazy is a full-time job. it barely leaves me time for my hobbies.

Like dozing and napping.
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What do I love more than eating?
Over-eating! :)
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My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray after the meal - RD
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I went to see my doctor. “Doctor, every morning I get up, look in the mirror and feel like throwing up; what’s wrong with me?” He said “I don’t know But your eyesight is perfect.” - RD
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I was making love with my wife, and she had a faraway look in her eyes.
I said, ‘Darling, is there someone else?’ and she said, ‘There must be.’  - RD
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I have a new girlfriend. Thankfully, she loves me for my money and my fame. Not for who I am. - RD
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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife. - RD
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My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. - RD
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I don't get no respect. A girl phone and said "Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home. RD
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When I was a kid I asked my dad if I could go ice skating. He told me to wait until it gets warmer. RD
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Always be nice to your children, because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
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I found my wife is faking orgasms. Four of my friends told me. RD
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I have come to think of orgasms as the things I have really quickly while the guy gets up to look in the refrigerator for something to drink.
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People always tell me stupid stuff. You know, like their opinions.
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I always say what I mean…

I may not always mean to say it out loud, but I always mean it.
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We don’t stop playing because we grow old.

We get old because we stopped playing.

-George Bernard Shaw
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I have to stop saying,

How stupid can you be?

I think people are starting to take it as a challenge.
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I’m pretty sure if I smacked the stupid out of you, there wouldn’t be anything left!
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After Tuesday,

even the calendar goes W T F
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Definition of STUPID:

Knowing the truth

Seeing the truth

Yet still believing the lies
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I’m not crazy. My reality is just different from yours.
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Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life.
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If each day is a gift, I would like to know where I can return Mondays!
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