mrsribit Posted August 2012
Jokes needed to lighten our day. Enter at your own risk!
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"Lord give me patience...
Because, if you give me strength, I'm going to need bail money to go with it."
"Wake me up before you cocoa."
"I don’t remember ordering a Monday with my morning coffee."
"Is it normal to be thinking about Friday at 8 am on a Monday?
Asking for a friend."
Keep calm
&
continue Mondaying
"Peopling is hard."
"Hibernation mode
activated."
"I'm so glad I learned about parallelograms instead of how to do taxes. It's really come in handy this parallelogram season."
"Monday plan: drink coffee, be awesome, ignore negativity."
"Dear Monday,
It's not me, it's you."
"I'm just a Friday girl
living in a Monday world."
"There, there.
Mondays aren't so bad."
"And for my next trick,
I'm going to make the weekend disappear."
"How to fix anything in 1 easy step:
Step 1
Call someone over to show them the problem.
----
It will work now."
“Everyone is born a genius, but the process of living de-geniuses some of them.”
"My superpower
is picking the slowest moving line in the grocery store."
"Pharmacy.
On the counter is a huge prescription bottle, with huge balls inside.
Pharmacist to the customer:
It's a new anti-depressant...instead of swallowing it, you throw it at anyone who appears to be having a good time."
"We'll we'll we'll
if it isn't auto-correct."
"DANGER
mouth operates faster than brain"
"I need a
leaf blower
but for people."
"20 things women should stop wearing:
numbers 1-20: The weight of other people's expectations & judgements."
"Row, row, row your boat
gently away from me."
"To make a mistake is human,
but to blame it on someone else, that's even more human."
"Keep calm
&
just agree."
"I will put that on the list of
'not my problem'."
"Let's just agree that I'm right."
“Being wrong isn’t in my vocabulary – I prefer to think of it as being temporarily not right.”
"I'm not always right,
but when I am it's usually
all of the time."