mrsribit Posted August 2012
Jokes needed to lighten our day. Enter at your own risk!
Follow
Share
Read More Close
7K Comments
Popular Questions
Related Questions
- How do I deal with negativity of my aging parents?
- My wife's mother is often mean and hurtful ... even remaining silent can still lead to receiving greater insults. Any experience with that?
- How do you cope when the patient is difficult, confused and defiant?
- My lady is 90 been with her two years and watch her go down hill. Am I a bad caregiver?
Start a Discussion
"The older I get
the more I understand why
roosters scream to start their day."
"I went to the paint store to get thinner...
It didn't work."
"Shout out to all
the junk
I haven't bought yet...
I'm coming for ya..."
"Friends don't tell friends
that 1980
was 40 years ago."
And by sweet "tooth" I mean
"teeth". All of them.
"I adore spontaneity,
provided it is carefully planned."
"I've tried yoga, but I find stress less boring."
Me: Is it weird to talk to yourself?
Also me: No.
"I wish there was something between coffee and cocaine."
"If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn’t ask me, I’d still have to say it."
"If you listen carefully,
you can hear Monday sharpening its claws."
"Relax. No one else knows what they’re doing either."
"God put me on this earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now, I am so far behind I will never die."
Also me: Why yes, I am a bit stressed. Why do you ask?
A man stranded on an island places rocks together to form this message:
TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN:
I, BENDER, BID YOU HELLO!
YOU DON’T KNOW ME, THOUGH YOU MAY HAVE HEARD OF ME, BUT THAT’S NOT THE POINT, LONG STORY SHORT…
I NEED HELF
———
The man, looking at his last word “HELF”, says, “Damn, one rock short of being rescued.”
“Keep 🫘 bean you.”
"Do birds ever fly just for fun or are they always on some kind of mission?"
"When you realize that the last day of 2023 will be
123123"
🙂
"If they let prisoners take their own mugshots
would they be cellfies?"
"My parents never allowed violent video games. Just family-friendly board games with questions like, 'Who murdered this guy with a pipe?'"
"The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with ONLY a loaf of bread are three billion to one."
"Sometimes I want to be sarcastic but I'm afraid they wouldn't get it and could actually like me."
"Free business idea: emergency cat service
Having a panic attack and need a cat to sit on you and purr it away?
Travelling, and just can't sleep without a fuzzy maniac hopping on you?
Emergency cat services would have you covered, delivering a cat to your location post-haste."
"You are shrimply the best."
"Knock, knock.
Who's there?
The weekend!"
"I'm not bossy.
I just have leadership skills."
“Not fast
Not furious”
“Employees must stop crying before returning to work.”
“I can think of no good reason for acting my age.”
“I feel very attacked
because of
that true thing you just said.”