mrsribit Posted August 2012
Jokes needed to lighten our day. Enter at your own risk!
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“Try & try until you cannot succeed.”
"Everything is
stupid and we
are all going to
die soon."
"What doesn't kill you
slowly makes you
weaker until you die."
"Every day is another chance
to screw everything up again."
"It's never too late to fail."
"Life isn't measured by the number of breaths you take,
but by how many likes you get on your post."
"Always believe
that something wonderful will probably never happen."
"You can't do it.
Go back to bed."
"Happiness is temporary.
Death is forever.
Have a nice weekend."
Went to a pancake restaurant, and asked if my dinner would be long.
"No, sir, round," came the reply.
"A brilliant idea just crêped up on me.
I'll have another pancake!"
“I’m terrible at telling pancake jokes,
but I’m getting batter.”
“I’m going to have pancakes with a side of pancakes.”
“cozy + smell of pancakes - alarm clock = weekend”
“Life’s batter with pancakes!”
“Is it even called a brunch without ordering pancakes?”
“There is no remedy for pancakes but to pancake more.”
“Say no to hatred.
Say yes to pancakes.”
“Your call is important to us. Please stay on the line until your call is no longer important to you.”
“Doctor:
You don’t need a colonoscopy, but I’m sending you for one because, quite frankly, I don’t like you.”
“Stress relief techniques include meditation, deep breathing and visualization of chocolate bars.”
“Thank you for calling the Weight Loss Hotline. If you’d like to lose 1/2 pound right now, press 1 eighteen thousand times.”
"How soon after waking up is it OK to take a nap?"
"I've decided not to be pessimistic.
It wouldn't work anyway."
"The older I get
the more I understand why
roosters scream to start their day."
"I went to the paint store to get thinner...
It didn't work."
"Shout out to all
the junk
I haven't bought yet...
I'm coming for ya..."
"Friends don't tell friends
that 1980
was 40 years ago."
And by sweet "tooth" I mean
"teeth". All of them.
"I adore spontaneity,
provided it is carefully planned."