mrsribit Posted August 2012
Jokes needed to lighten our day. Enter at your own risk!
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"I'm so tired. Almost time to crawl into bed and not be able to sleep for 3 hours."
"It's not about how tired you are. It's about how tired you're making everyone else."
--My husband explaining bedtime to the kids
Then He had a better idea!
that they exist.
Lesson 10: ask people questions that give them an opportunity to talk about themselves.
What the h*ll is wrong with you?
"A lot of people are only alive
because I shed too much hair to ever get away with murder."
Job interview.
Female employer:
I'm looking for someone who can do the work of two men.
Woman seeking employment:
So it's only part-time?
"Do y'all remember, before the internet,
people thought the cause of stupidity was the lack of information?
Yeah. It wasn't that."
"What leads you to believe I don't like you?
I don't but I wanna know what gave it away."
"Apparently this year
is being written by Stephen King."
Website: We use cookies to improve performance.
Me: Same.
"A fun thing about getting older
is how you can severely injure yourself
just by sleeping."
"I can't prove this,
but I swear I used to be
smarter, funnier and less tired."
"At this point,
if a clown invited me into the woods, I'd just go."
"I try to contain my crazy
but the lid keeps popping off."
"Let's all take a moment to be thankful
that I don't own a taser."
"Love is a weird thing,
like you just pick a human and you're like
yes I like this one...
I'll let this one run my life forever."
"I'm kind of a lady,
but definitely more of a weirdo."
"You have no idea how far out of my comfort zone
my entire life is."
"What doesn't kill me
only makes me weirder
and harder to relate to."
"Been there --
regretted that."
"The fact that jellyfish have survived for 650 million years
despite not having brains
is great news for you."
"It takes me like 3 days to wake up in the morning."
"I'd like to have my cake and eat it too.
I'd also like to have your cake and eat it too."
"My 4 moods:
1.I need coffee
2.I need a nap
3.I need a vacation
4.I need duct tape, rope and a shovel."
"When you feel the wind blowing through your hair,
it's time to shave your legs."