Jokes needed to lighten our day. Enter at your own risk!

Way, I learned in a 1980s Lincoln Towne car, we called it the boat it was so big.

Glad I did, I can drive big rigs because of my driving trials in that monster of a car.

Your dad did right by you, we are operating lethal weapons after all, we should know where every part is.

My Dad was the same way about knowing where the perimeters of your car were. Most people may bring orange cones along to practice parallel parking . My father was the cone !! He also put a quarter on the driveway and I had to park the tire on the quarter without hitting the garage door . And also did that in the garage without hitting the back wall. Forwards and reverse. He was crazy !! But I can park !!

I learned to drive in a long station wagon .

When I took my driving test, nobody had thought to teach me how to parallel park, probably because they didn't know how, the instructor walked me through it and I smashed it, still use his advice to this day but, he very seriously asked me, "Young lady if you go downtown and there are no spaces to park besides parallel, what are you going to do?" Being 16, living in Vegas, I promptly responded, "I will valet! Duh!"

It is a great skill to have that translates into other abilities behind the wheel. (Parallel parking, not valet. :-) I am a firm believer that everyone should know where the perimeters of their vehicle are and parallel parking makes you know.

My father thought parallel parking was the most important thing learning to drive . I don’t know why , I grew up in the suburbs. Anyway, I could probably parallel park a bus if I had to .

Men are better than women… But how important is parallel parking anyway?

The real reason many men don't live long after retiring

"Well, after just a week at home, I've come up with a comprehensive list on how to do things more efficiently around here, honey"

❤️

"K."

Well, potassium to you too.

🙂

"I'm 300% done with today
and like 68% done with tomorrow already."

❤️🙂

"Going to bed (phrase):
Shutting down laptop and using your phone in bed."

❤️🙂

"Hungry (adjective):
Something that only happens after brushing your teeth."

❤️🙂

"At least it can't get any worse (phrase):
What you say to challenge the universe into making your day even more terrible than it already is."

❤️🙂

"Dry Clean Only (adjective):
This will never get washed. Ever."

❤️🙂

"Cupcake (noun):
A muffin with low self-esteem."

❤️🙂

"Junk (noun):
Something you keep for years and then throw away one week before you need it."

❤️🙂

"Procrastinate (verb):
What you are doing right now. Get going and finish what you need to do."

❤️🙂

"Morning (noun):
The time when the bed has more gravity."

❤️🙂

"Flashlight (noun):
A container for dead batteries."

❤️🙂

"Dentist (noun):
Similar to parents, but they criticize your teeth instead of your lifestyle."

❤️🙂

"Nothing messes up your Friday more
than realizing it's Tuesday."

❤️🙂

"Title of book:

How to Avoid Everything
--Irresponsibility Made Easy"

🙂

"Your fear of looking stupid
is wasting too much time."

😉

"It's not that I'm immature.
It's just that you started it."

🙂

"What ended in 1945?
1944."

🙂

"It's very rude to talk
when I am interrupting."

🙂

"I'm not saying you're stupid.
I'm just saying you have bad luck when it comes to thinking."

❤️🙂

"Him:
Wow look at you trying to be romantic with all these candles.

Me:
First of all, I'm about to sacrifice you."

🙂

🙂

"I moved past having a depressive episode.
I'm actually having a depressive series
haha
season 8 available now."

😉

"I had a better social life when I was like 8 years old
than I do now."

🙂

Wish list:
--Peace of mind.

I went to the dentist. He said, "Say, 'Aaah.'"
I asked, "Why?"
He said, "My dog died."