mrsribit Posted August 2012
Jokes needed to lighten our day. Enter at your own risk!
Follow
Share
Read More Close
7K Comments
Popular Questions
Related Questions
- How do I deal with negativity of my aging parents?
- My wife's mother is often mean and hurtful ... even remaining silent can still lead to receiving greater insults. Any experience with that?
- How do you cope when the patient is difficult, confused and defiant?
- My lady is 90 been with her two years and watch her go down hill. Am I a bad caregiver?
Start a Discussion
"I try to contain my crazy
but the lid keeps popping off."
"Let's all take a moment to be thankful
that I don't own a taser."
"Love is a weird thing,
like you just pick a human and you're like
yes I like this one...
I'll let this one run my life forever."
"I'm kind of a lady,
but definitely more of a weirdo."
"You have no idea how far out of my comfort zone
my entire life is."
"What doesn't kill me
only makes me weirder
and harder to relate to."
"Been there --
regretted that."
"The fact that jellyfish have survived for 650 million years
despite not having brains
is great news for you."
"It takes me like 3 days to wake up in the morning."
"I'd like to have my cake and eat it too.
I'd also like to have your cake and eat it too."
"My 4 moods:
1.I need coffee
2.I need a nap
3.I need a vacation
4.I need duct tape, rope and a shovel."
"When you feel the wind blowing through your hair,
it's time to shave your legs."
My personal style is best described as
"didn't expect to get out of the car".
"PEOPLE...
not a big fan."
I never finish anythi
"Stress balls really work
when you shove them down someone's throat."
"Even my aches and pains have aches and pains."
Person: Hey what's up?
Me: My stress levels.
"I'm NOT stressed.
I'm relaxationally-challenged."
“They say you slow down as you get older. I guess that’s true. These days it takes me twice as long to do nothing.”
Cute joke! 😊
10 years later, the friends, now in their 50s had to again decide on the place for reunion, and again chose the Ocean View, this time because the food was great, and they liked the wine selection.
10 years later, now 60s, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Why not the Ocean View? They could eat in peace and quiet, and the view of the water made the place so serene.
Sure enough, time went flying by and at 70 the "girls" chose the Ocean View. Wheel chair accessible, and they'd just put in that new elevator.
Alas, another decade passed, and at 80 there they were, with yet another decision to make about where to have dinner.
They decided on the Ocean View because none of them had ever been there.
It's long, and it's stolen, but that just makes it all the more "me".
Isaac Asimov
A couple getting married.
Priest:
Do you take this optometrist for better or for worse? Better?...Worse?...Better?
"Follows diet.
Diet doesn't follow back.
Unfollows diet."
"Still waiting for that fairytale scene
where the animals clean everything for me."
"Yeah I'm a pacifist.
I'm about to pass a fist
across his face."
"Due to the massive increase in deliveries,
FedEx and UPS have joined forces
and are now Fed-Up."
"For me, being 'chill' is getting to the airport 3 hours before take-off, so I can sit in a restaurant directly across from my gate and be anxious about missing my flight from there."