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From the Daily News, 26Dec2018.

Attorney: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
Witness: The autopsy started around 8:30pm.
Attorney: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
Witness: If not, he was by the time I finished.
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Obiter Dicta
by Joseph Hilaire Pierre Belloc

SIR HENRY WAFFLE KC ( continuing ) 

Sir ANTHONY HABBERTON, Justice and Knight, 
Was enfeoffed of two acres of land 
And it doesn't sound much till you hear that the site 
Was a strip to the South of the Strand. 

HIS LORDSHIP ( Obiter Dictum ) 

A strip to the South of the Strand 
Is a good situation for land. 
It is healthy and dry 
And sufficiently high 
And convenient on every hand. 


At 2016 land prices: 2 acres of land in Westminster = c £75.5 million. Just the land, not the assets.
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Yet another funny/not funny from the Corona Vault:

”Dad, why did you and Mom name my sister Paris?”

”Because that’s where she was conceived, son”

”Okay, thanks Dad”

”No problem, Quarantined”
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Pretty Toilet Paper
Mystic Toilet Paper
Steel Toilet Paper (ouch)
Runaway Toilet Paper

Toilet Paper to Remember
Rear Toilet Paper
Toilet Paper at Tiffany’s
Valley of Toilet Paper

Youve Got Toilet Paper
French Toilet Paper
When Harry met Toilet Paper
Hanging Toilet Paper

Private Toilet Paper
Almost Toilet Paper
How to Lose a Guy in Toilet Paper
I Wish I Was Toilet Paper

I could do this all night...
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Gone with the TP
Wizard of TP
I LOVE TP
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Lord of the Toilet Paper!
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Think of a movie title. Remove one word and replace it with "Toilet Paper" For example:

The Toilet Paper Strikes Back;

The Return of the Toilet Paper;

The Last Toilet Paper;

A New Toilet Paper.;

As the Toilet Paper Turns;

The Edge of Toilet Paper .

Toilet Paper for Tomorrow.

The young and the Toilet Paper
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River & CM. I got it. No I don't live in NYC. I heard how expensive real estate is in NY but wasn't aware that a 2be 2ba with kitchen and balcony is a luxury. That is a typical apartment where I live.
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I love your jokes polarbear! Please keep posting :-)
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Polar it is generally funny but CM was right. For those who know NYC a 2 bedroom with a balcony is fairly luxurious. Yes it is funny to show a floorplan as your weekend,spring vacation etc. because there is no other choice. I am not critical of the post. I lived in NYC decades ago. The reality of this floorplan just didn't indicate suffering for many New Yorkers but I believe in posting to help with humor during these dark times. I guess I would say you'd have to be there to get the joke.
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I think Riverdale is saying that if you live in NYC and you can afford two bedrooms, two bathrooms, a dining area separate from the kitchen and a balcony...

... people would just rather Like people who have a tiny bit more roughing it to do, shall we say?

I still think it's a jolly funny joke, though.
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River- I am not sure what you'e saying. Are you saying privacy was violated because someone posted a floor plan? You can not tell from a floor plan where the place/home/apartment is. A typical floor plan looks like millions of other floor plans. i thought the joke was hilarious.
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Polar,no joke at the moment but response to the floor plan message. Someone put it on my husband's facebook page. It was an apartment in NYC. This apartment had 2 bedrooms,2 baths,dining area off the kitchen and a balcony. There was very little sympathy or likes.
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Do you ever wake up and lie there awhile because you need more time to sync with your Cloud?
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More from the Funny/Not Funny Coronavirus “humor”....

Whats the best way to get a Coronavirus test?

Cough in a rich persons face and wait for their test results to come back.
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It's so boring staying at home, but it's incredible that there are 8893 grains of rice in one bag, and there are only 8876 grains in another bag. We're being robbed.
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If there’s a baby boom nine months from now, what will happen in 2033? There will be a whole bunch of quaranteens.
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Coronavirus “humor”...

My hubby saw this meme on FB and thought it was hilarious:

I use to cough to cover a fart. Now I fart to cover a cough.
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I saw a funny post that said we are all about 3 weeks away from finding out everybody's true hair color.
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A friend sent me a picture of a floor plan of a home. The caption says "Looking at the map for some weekend travel ideas"

Haha
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Dog "I hear you two-legged creatures are having some problems at the moment?

Man" well, yes we are".

Dog "I heard you've run out of toilet paper?"

Man "yes, it's very hard to come by."

Dog "I never use the stuff. I just have my two-legged friend trim the hairs around my b&tthole very short & do the busines. No problems at all!"
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An 80-year-old man is having his annual checkup.
The doctor asks him how he's feeling.
"I've never been better!" he replies.
"I've got an 18-year-old bride who's pregnant and having my child!
What do you think about that?" The doctor considers this for a moment, then says, "Well, let me tell you a story.
I know a guy who's an avid hunter.
He never misses a season.
But one day he's in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabs his umbrella instead of his gun." "So he's in the woods," the doctor continues, "and suddenly a grizzly bear appears in front of him!
He raises up his umbrella, points it at the bear, and squeezes the handle.
The bear drops dead in front of him, suffering from a bullet wound in his its chest."
"That's impossible!
Someone else must have shot that bear," the man said.
"Exactly."
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One day a lady was driving on the highway.
She frequently checked her speed gauge to make sure she stayed within the speed limit.
However, when she looked into her rear mirror, much to her dismay, she saw a police car not far behind!
And, to make matters worse, the police car turned on his flashing lights.
She thought to herself, "Uh-oh, what have I done now?
I'm not speeding.
I'm not drinking.
I have my seat belt on!
I have kept up my license dues and everything!" So, she pulled over and the police car pulled over to the side right behind her car.
She drove her car slowly to a stop, slowly rolled down the window, and prepared for a ticket when she knew she didn't deserve it.
A policeman walked up to her window, and spoke to her.
The lady pointed to her ear and shook her head, meaning she was deaf.
The policeman smiled slightly, and knowing sign language, signed back,
"I know. I'm here to tell you that your horn is stuck."
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A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch.
"I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said.
"What's your secret for a long happy life?" "I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said.
"I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise." "That's amazing," the woman said.
"How old are you?'
"Twenty-six," he said.
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Wine improves with age. I improve with wine.
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I'm so old I remember when water was free, and you had to pay for porn.
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Okay, so this one is quite naughty but I laughed like mad when I read it. So proceed at your discretion:



Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.
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(WARNING ;-)

You know you're getting old when you start having dry dreams and wet farts.
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What does a 75-year-old woman have between her breasts that a 25-year-old doesn't?

Her navel.
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The seven ages of man: spills, drills, thrills, bills, ills, pills and wills.
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