Jokes needed to lighten our day. Enter at your own risk!

Question

Jokes needed to lighten our day. Enter at your own risk!

Follow

Share

7K Comments

Newest
First Oldest
First

233 234 235 236 237

Recent Questions

Advice on transitioning my 66-year-old mother to independent or assisted living facility?
Is anyone dealing with a husband with early-onset Alzheimer's? I am completely lost and alone and looking for someone going through this too.
Any advice for making a facility move as easy as possible?

Related Questions

Start a Discussion

S SnoopyLove Oct 2018 · Answer 1 · 2018-10-21T03:03:01.000-0400

I love the jokes, BuzzyBee!

S Sendhelp Oct 2018 · Answer 2 · 2018-10-21T01:05:41.000-0400

BuzzyBee,
In the title , "Enter at your own risk" covers it ALL!

You are doing a fine job lifting our spirits!

We all know that the mathematician was writing down how many prunes he would need to work his problem out. They always use #2 pencils on all their problems.

So you are ok! No judgment here. Lol.

I InMyShoes Oct 2018 · Answer 3 · 2018-10-20T21:46:31.000-0400

What do you call a bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear

F FrazzledMama Oct 2018 · Answer 4 · 2018-10-20T08:33:55.000-0400

Keep them coming BuzzyBee, I like your jokes. I think I had heard the mathematician joke before, but it's still funny (and punny).

B BuzzyBee Oct 2018 · Answer 5 · 2018-10-20T08:02:13.000-0400

Please excuse the last two jokes.

I will stop posting for a while and let someone else have a go. :)

B BuzzyBee Oct 2018 · Answer 6 · 2018-10-19T19:18:46.000-0400

Firstly ignore the joke below about the mathematician (I am trying to get it removed - sorry)

Why do we consider chickens as friendly animals?
-
Because they lay their eggs instead of throwing them.

B BuzzyBee Oct 2018 · Answer 7 · 2018-10-19T09:32:14.000-0400

Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
He worked his problem out with a number two pencil.

L Longears Oct 2018 · Answer 8 · 2018-10-18T18:16:40.000-0400

Ok, BuzzyBee, I laughed so hard I snorted at the dentist joke!!! I adore your sense of humor Keep 'em coming!

B BuzzyBee Oct 2018 · Answer 9 · 2018-10-18T16:07:58.000-0400

My dad sent me to a psychiatrist for wearing his bra again.

B BuzzyBee Oct 2018 · Answer 10 · 2018-10-17T17:01:19.000-0400

A woman says to the dentist "I don't know which is worse having a tooth pulled or having a Baby."
The dentist says "Well make up your mind I gotta adjust the chair!"

B BuzzyBee Oct 2018 · Answer 11 · 2018-10-16T17:26:44.000-0400

Nurse: "We need a stool sample and a urine sample."
Man to wife: "What did she say?"
Wife to husband: "They want your underwear."

B BuzzyBee Oct 2018 · Answer 12 · 2018-10-14T07:43:15.000-0400

A man walked into a bar with asphalt on his arm and said
"Two beers please, and one for the road."

************

Milk is the fastest liquid on earth.
Its pasteurised before you know it.

F FrazzledMama Oct 2018 · Answer 13 · 2018-10-10T06:37:26.000-0400

Sold the house and bought an RV. The kids can't move back home if they can't find it.

I InMyShoes Oct 2018 · Answer 14 · 2018-10-09T21:24:41.000-0400

So you mean to tell me a stress ball isn't for throwing at people who stress you out?

B BuzzyBee Oct 2018 · Answer 15 · 2018-10-08T19:47:37.000-0400

The elevator to success is out of order.
You'll have to use the stairs... one step at a time.

**********

A dad is washing the car with his son.
After a moment, the son asks his father, "Do you think we could use a sponge instead?"

B BuzzyBee Oct 2018 · Answer 16 · 2018-10-08T12:25:08.000-0400

Turning vegan is a big missed steak.

********************

The recipe said "Set the oven to 180 degrees" so I did, but now I can't open it because the door faces the wall.

B BuzzyBee Oct 2018 · Answer 17 · 2018-10-07T10:21:11.000-0400

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?

*******************

Everything always ends well. If not – it's probably not the end.

I InMyShoes Oct 2018 · Answer 18 · 2018-10-05T19:27:56.000-0400

What happened to the frog that parked illegally?

It was toad!

B BuzzyBee Oct 2018 · Answer 19 · 2018-10-05T18:03:25.000-0400

Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?

********************

A cop just knocked on my door and told me that my dogs were chasing people on bikes. My dogs don't even own bikes...

B BuzzyBee Oct 2018 · Answer 20 · 2018-10-05T07:16:31.000-0400

Occasionally, a true friend gives his paw not his hand...

********************

The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue.

B BuzzyBee Oct 2018 · Answer 21 · 2018-10-02T16:33:06.000-0400

I wanna hang a map of the world in my house.
Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations that I've travelled to.
But first, I'm gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won't fall down.

B BuzzyBee Sep 2018 · Answer 22 · 2018-09-27T07:10:44.000-0400

The older I get, the earlier it gets late.

***************

Ageing gracefully is like the nice way of saying you're slowly looking worse.

B BuzzyBee Sep 2018 · Answer 23 · 2018-09-24T19:38:47.000-0400

I accidentally handed my wife a glue stick instead of a chap-stick.

She still isn't talking to me.

******************

I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself this is the last thing I need.

B BuzzyBee Sep 2018 · Answer 24 · 2018-09-23T18:33:26.000-0400

Smoking will kill you...
Bacon will kill you...
But,smoking bacon will cure it.

C cwillie Sep 2018 · Answer 25 · 2018-09-23T07:51:01.000-0400

Birdie birdie in the sky -
you put whitewash in my eye
I'm a big girl, I won't cry
but I'm sure glad that cows don't fly

B BuzzyBee Sep 2018 · Answer 26 · 2018-09-23T07:46:20.000-0400

Don't be sad when a bird poops on your head.

Be happy that dogs can't fly.

B BuzzyBee Sep 2018 · Answer 27 · 2018-09-22T14:21:48.000-0400

Scientists say the universe is made up of Protons, Neutrons, and Electrons.

They forgot to mention Morons.

B BuzzyBee Sep 2018 · Answer 28 · 2018-09-21T07:06:24.000-0400

I tried to explain to my 4-year-old son that it's perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants, but he's still making fun of me.

F FrazzledMama Sep 2018 · Answer 29 · 2018-09-21T05:51:24.000-0400

Yes, that was Emo :)

C Countrymouse Sep 2018 · Answer 30 · 2018-09-21T05:19:01.000-0400

That was the wonderfully weird Emo Philips, wasn't it, FM? Brilliant tangents he went off on, I remember him fondly.

Jokes needed to lighten our day. Enter at your own risk!

7K Comments

Recent Questions

Popular Questions

Related Questions