Jokes needed to lighten our day. Enter at your own risk!

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B bundleofjoy Mar 2022 · Answer 1 · 2022-03-25T20:16:59.000-0400

“I saw a spider in my bathtub, so I got a piece of tissue and very, very carefully, burned the house down.”

B bundleofjoy Mar 2022 · Answer 2 · 2022-03-25T20:12:32.000-0400

“I hate being bipolar. It’s awesome!”

B bundleofjoy Mar 2022 · Answer 3 · 2022-03-25T20:09:47.000-0400

“If you’re lonely, dim all the lights and put on a horror movie. You won’t feel like you’re lonely anymore.”

B bundleofjoy Mar 2022 · Answer 4 · 2022-03-25T17:49:17.000-0400

“Please note that I am self-employed. So if you see me on my own, talking to myself please do not disturb cos I am having a staff meeting.”

B bundleofjoy Mar 2022 · Answer 5 · 2022-03-25T17:46:03.000-0400

“You look like trouble. Call me.”

B bundleofjoy Mar 2022 · Answer 6 · 2022-03-25T17:43:50.000-0400

“Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine I’d go up to a back teller with a mask on asking for money.”

B bundleofjoy Mar 2022 · Answer 7 · 2022-03-25T17:40:45.000-0400

:) “Ok. I’m here. What are your other two wishes?”

B bundleofjoy Mar 2022 · Answer 8 · 2022-03-25T17:38:57.000-0400

“I was taught to think before I act. So if I punch you, rest assured I’ve thought about it and am confident in my decision.”

B bundleofjoy Mar 2022 · Answer 9 · 2022-03-25T17:35:27.000-0400

“I don’t care what people think about me…at least mosquitoes find me attractive.”

B bundleofjoy Mar 2022 · Answer 10 · 2022-03-25T16:41:58.000-0400

“I don’t run from my problems. I sit on my couch, play on my phone and ignore them like all other adults.”

B bundleofjoy Mar 2022 · Answer 11 · 2022-03-25T16:38:47.000-0400

:) “When I count my blessings, I count you twice.”

B bundleofjoy Mar 2022 · Answer 12 · 2022-03-25T14:46:56.000-0400

:) "The only exercise I've done this month is running out of money."

B bundleofjoy Mar 2022 · Answer 13 · 2022-03-25T14:44:26.000-0400

"There is no wifi in the forest but we promise you will find a better connection."

B bundleofjoy Mar 2022 · Answer 14 · 2022-03-25T14:28:34.000-0400

"Stop destroying our planet. It's where I keep all my stuff."

B bundleofjoy Mar 2022 · Answer 15 · 2022-03-25T14:27:08.000-0400

"If money doesn't grow on trees, then why do banks have branches?"

B bundleofjoy Mar 2022 · Answer 16 · 2022-03-25T14:24:40.000-0400

:) "Time flies whether you're having fun or not. The choice is yours."

T TNtechie Mar 2022 · Answer 17 · 2022-03-25T12:32:34.000-0400

Line from a commercial: I just have to get back into the dating pool... and I'm pretty sure there's pee in there!

B bundleofjoy Mar 2022 · Answer 18 · 2022-03-25T10:55:54.000-0400

“Well, well, well…Look who finally decided to show up. Hello Friday.”

B bundleofjoy Mar 2022 · Answer 19 · 2022-03-25T10:54:00.000-0400

:) “Friday the 13th is still better than Monday the whatever.”

B bundleofjoy Mar 2022 · Answer 20 · 2022-03-25T10:50:06.000-0400

:) “My alone time is for everyone’s safety.”

B bundleofjoy Mar 2022 · Answer 21 · 2022-03-25T05:34:50.000-0400

:) “If you stumble, make it part of the dance.”

B bundleofjoy Mar 2022 · Answer 22 · 2022-03-25T05:34:22.000-0400

:) “Some people are like slinkies. Not really good for much, but bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs.”

B bundleofjoy Mar 2022 · Answer 23 · 2022-03-25T05:33:07.000-0400

:) “I am a person who wants to do a lot of things trapped inside the body of a person who wants to sleep a lot.”

B Beatty Mar 2022 · Answer 24 · 2022-03-25T03:20:12.000-0400

Is THAT what all that slaving over a hot stove cooking an enormous Christmas Dinner tradition is? Ahhhh makes sense. Something to learn from 😂

B bundleofjoy Mar 2022 · Answer 25 · 2022-03-25T03:02:59.000-0400

:) “The biggest mistake is not realizing that a mistake is an opportunity to learn.”

—Wow, I have a lot of opportunities.

B bundleofjoy Mar 2022 · Answer 26 · 2022-03-25T02:59:56.000-0400

;) “I’ve been repeating the same mistakes in life for so long, I may as well call them traditions.”

B bundleofjoy Mar 2022 · Answer 27 · 2022-03-24T19:21:55.000-0400

:) “Make all the mistakes you can, years from now you’ll sit back and laugh about them.”

B bundleofjoy Mar 2022 · Answer 28 · 2022-03-24T19:04:01.000-0400

“It’s been a long week.”
—Me, in the middle of Tuesday

B bundleofjoy Mar 2022 · Answer 29 · 2022-03-24T19:02:41.000-0400

“I have no words to describe it. I have, however, a ton of obscene gestures.”

B bundleofjoy Mar 2022 · Answer 30 · 2022-03-24T18:53:55.000-0400

Career options in India:

1) Doctor
2) Engineer
3) MBA
4) Disgrace to the family