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:) “FUN FACT: It’s impossible to hum while holding your nose (just try it!).”
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:) "FUN FACT: Penguins have knees."
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“Anger is just sad’s bodyguard.”
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"If I was Snow White you'd never be able to kill me with an apple...you'd have to poison an eclair or something..."
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"Honestly, I don't even play an active role in my life anymore...Things just happen & I'm like, 'Oh, is this what we're doing now?' Ok."
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"My life is an open book, but it's very poorly written and I die in the end."
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:) "Where there’s a will, I want to be in it."
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"Infinite loop: see ‘Loop, infinite’. Loop, infinite: see ‘Infinite loop’."
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:) "Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot."
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:) "If it’s not broken, let’s fix it till it is."
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:) "Enjoy your job, make lots of money, work within the law. Choose any two."
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:) "Sometimes being an adult is exactly what you imagined it would be when you were five: staying up late and eating Lucky Charms for dinner."
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"Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm."
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"Don't spend two dollars on drying clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it and put it on a hanger. Next morning, buy it back for seventy-five cents."
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"I like to tell people I have the heart of a small boy. Then I say it's in a jar on my desk." -- Stephen King
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:) "Save time: See it my way."
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:) "Life would be a million times better if there were piñatas strategically placed throughout the day."
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“Birds: animals that stir our sense of beauty, wonder, and freedom. And gave us pillows.”
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Science Fair
(noun)

A time for parents to show how talented they are.
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:) "There's nothing better than a friend, unless it's a friend with chocolate."
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"Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once."
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"I wonder, do we lazy people go to heaven or do they send someone to pick us up?"
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"Never ask a starfish for directions."
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:) "We are going to be best friends forever, besides you already know too much."
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"If Cinderella’s shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off?"
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“Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.”
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"There is absolutely no excuse for laziness. But if you find one, please tell me."
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"Dear optimist, pessimist and realist, while you guys were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it. Sincerely, the opportunist."
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"Sadness is...the mini heart attack when you text the wrong person."
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"When I die, will someone please go to my funeral dressed like the Grim Reaper? Don't say anything. Just stand there..."
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