I decided to start a joke discussion because we as caregivers need our load lightened. We need to laugh at our own situations and those of others to take away the sting and pain we go through. If you have a joke that's racy then give a heads up at the beginning of your post for those who might not want to read your post. We need to avoid that kind of humor. Please don't come on this thread and berate anyone for their choices of humor. This is our place to let go of criticism. Thanks for sharing!!!! ;o)
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A lawyer is dancing around the courtroom:
I'd like to make this motion, Your Honor!
Judge:
Motion denied.
A girl and boy are seen walking towards Zelda's house.
Edna:
Dang...Zelda seem to attract - all - the little kids.
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Later, Edna was forced to sell her Brussels sprout house.
9 Grim Reapers are standing in front of him.
Cat:
All nine at once?! Have I really been that curious?
Man:
Are you on your way to a Halloween party, too?
Grim:
Um...actually, neither of us are.
Therapist taking notes:
What do you mean this is our last session?
Good news. Your prostate isn't enlarged after all. The rest of you is shrinking.
Therapist taking notes.
Dog:
Actually, I'm fine. I just like to have a place where I'm allowed on the couch.
The doctor puts the glasses on his face:
"Ok Superman, see if these make it clearer...WHOAAA...You're Clark Kent!"
The boss reads his resume:
"This is super. I asked for super-duper."
This is a major project of utmost importance. But it has no budget, no guidelines, no support staff, and it's due in 15 minutes. At last, here's your chance to impress everyone!
TV:
The following program contains sexy actors and actresses who will make your spouse look like a troll. Viewer discretion is advised.
Man:
At this point in the meeting we'll open a discussion of whether or not we needed to have this meeting.
Cashier:
If he's outgrown Happy Meals, we now offer something for teens...Sullen Meal.
Remember son...money can't buy happiness, but it pays for a lot of anti-depressants.
Therapist's office.
Therapist:
I'm not supposed to tell this, but the true secret to happiness is having more stuff than everyone else!
Yesterday my husband thought he saw a cockroach in the kitchen, he sprayed everywhere and then spent a couple of hours thoroughly cleaning every nook and cranny. Next week I'll be putting the cockroach in the bathroom.
:)
if i trade my 3 kittens, to get your husband back, and borrow your puppy, give your husband back to you, take another kitten, and return your puppy to you...
then you can have the puppy + your husband.
i think i found the fastest solution :).
fast-thinker, bundle of joy :)
Group therapy.
Lots of chairs in a circle.
Weird pancakes are sitting in every chair.
Support Group for First Pancakes
Jon:
Garfield!
I'm home!
Garfield, smiling:
Good.
I've been waiting all day to ignore you.
He paints:
THE
RAPIST
Another man comes and says:
It's one word, George!
A blonde goes to the doctor because she hasn't been feeling well.
Tests are done and the doctor enters the room with news that she's pregnant!
The blonde is beyond shocked and replies, "Oh my gosh! Is it mine??" :D
If you have a senior moment and can't think of a word say "I forgot the English word for it". That way people will think you're bilingual instead of an idiot.
I'm at a place in my life where running errands counts as an outing.
I see stories about people my age climbing mountains, I feel good about getting my leg into my pants without losing my balance
so.... if a cow doesn't produce milk is it a milk dud or an udder failure?
today, i saw some funny demotivational quotes.
don't take it seriously. it's just some funny quotes.
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“You can have results or excuses. Excuses it is.”
“The more you weigh, the harder you are to kidnap. Stay safe. Eat cake.”
“The best way to lose weight is to only eat inspirational quotes.”
“Welcome to adulthood. I hope you like Ibuprofen.”
“Killing someone with kindness sounds like a lot of work to me.”
“There is no problem so big you can’t run away from it.”
“Be yourself. No one else wants to be you.”
“Every bad thing that happens today is a direct result of choosing to get out of bed.”
“If your phone battery lasts all day, it’s because no one likes you.”
“There are two types of people in the world and I hate both of them.”
“Ninety-five percent of conversations are an unbelievable waste of time.”
“People are really great as long as you don’t get to know them.”
“You are a background character in a much more interesting person’s story.”
"Never stop trying to exceed your limits. We need the entertainment."
You need a rough draft before you make the final copy.
She's 67 now, and we don't know where she is.