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“I don’t think I get enough credit for the fact that I do all of this unmedicated.”
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“I don’t always tolerate stupid people, but when I do, I’m probably at work.”
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“I believe I used up all my sick days, so I’m calling in dead.”
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"My superpower is holding onto junk for years and throwing it away a week before I need it."
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"You had me at 'We'll make it look like an accident.'"
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"I look back on my life and I'm extremely impressed that I'm still alive."
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"Don't follow my footsteps. I run into walls."
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"Hold on, I've gotta overthink about it."
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"Zombies eat brains. You're safe."
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"I licked it, so it's mine."
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Garfield, lying down: Should I exercise?

His ears: Nope!

His stomach: NO!

His legs: Not a chance!

His toes: No way!

His tail: No can do!

Garfield: Always listen to your body.
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“Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.”

:)
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"If you've ever wondered how pandas cook their dinner, they use a pan. Duhhh."
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"Accept who you are unless you're a serial killer."
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"My dream is that one day we will all live in a world where baby pandas are handed out like free candy. The unintended consequences of this will probably be disastrous. But I don't care, I just want my free panda."
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"I think Panda is my spirit animal. Lazy, dark circles and always hungry."
;)
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I love all the quit ones, Bundle :D

Big poster in a client's porch: I won't KEEP CALM and you can F*** OFF

I liked that so much I asked his permission to take a picture on my phone.
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"The simple act of opening a bottle of wine has brought more happiness to the human race than all the collective governments in the history of earth."
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"It’s only when you look at an ant through a magnifying glass on a sunny day that you realize how often they burst into flames."
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"High heels were invented by a woman who had been kissed on the forehead."
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"It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads."
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"If at first you don’t succeed, quit. When life gives you lemons, quit. When the going gets tough, the tough just quit."
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"If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it."
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"There’s a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line."
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"True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country."
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"I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o’clock."
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"I did not climb to the top of the food chain to eat carrots."
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"I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back."
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"I live about four muggings from Central Park."
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“When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.”
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