Jokes needed to lighten our day. Enter at your own risk!

True story!

Hubby and I went to a comedy theater dinner show. One nice young lady takes our order, combo pizza -well done, please. Another nice young lady delivers the pizza, I can see it needs more cook time, so I ask "Well done?" Her response, "Why Thank You!" And hustles off. Bye-bye!!

We still laugh about her taking my question as a complement, she must have needed to hear it that day.

Pizza was gross, show was funny and a good time was had, I guess that's what really matters. And we have a funny memory to laugh about for decades to come.

What doesn’t kill you
will hopefully try again.

;)
If I have said or done anything to hurt you
I DON’T CARE.

I would explain it to you…
But I don’t have the crayons.

Sun is out, wind in my face
ABSOLUTELY AWFUL.

There are only two things I don’t like:
Change and the way things are.

If anyone ever tells you your ideas are silly, remember there’s some millionaire walking around who invented the pool noodle.

Learned the hard way:

Admission of a painful error rather than just reading the stupid instructions in the first place.

Alexa, delete my belly.

Don’t judge me until you’ve flown a mile on my broom.

“Let me call you right back.”

Translation:
Enjoy the rest of your day.

Funny, isn't it, how quickly the future becomes the past.

;)

Unless, Venting, it was so bad there is <ominous sting> no future!

If no one from the future came to stop you, how bad can it be?

If life doesn’t break you today, don’t worry. It will try again tomorrow.
:)

If you never try anything new, you’ll miss out on many of life’s great disappointments.

Just because we accept you as you are doesn’t mean we’ve abandoned hope you’ll improve.

The meaning of life is to find your gift. So good luck with that.

Raise your hand if you have had quite enough unsolicited advice about what should be done with any lemons that life may or may not give you.

“If you eat too many cookies, you’ll get sick.”

A fascinating postulation.

I must put that theory to the test.

I broke my finger last week, on the other hand, I'm okay. - silly

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg - RD.

Even if you change the world, it doesn't mean it won't change right back.

Always believe that something wonderful could never happen.

Whenever I’m about to give up, I remind myself the world would be a better place without me and I simply cannot let that happen.

The early worm gets eaten.

Being lazy is a full-time job. it barely leaves me time for my hobbies.

Like dozing and napping.

What do I love more than eating?
Over-eating! :)

My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray after the meal - RD