Jokes needed to lighten our day. Enter at your own risk!

Love the engineer joke!

Anyone got one on real estate agents? The ones I have been dealing with are lower than a snake's belly. I hope there is a special part of hell just for them.. 'great location, heating included, ready-made community'

Need,

I don’t want to tilt the scales of justice .
My brother has been more civil lately !

Way,

Go ahead and send to your brother !😆

I will send this joke to my engineer son . 😂😂😂
I don’t think I should send it to my pompous lawyer brother . 🤔😬😬.

My engineer DH loved it, and I’ve sent it to sister and directed it through the ether to deceased engineer BIL. But I just can't see the joke about lawyers. Surely all lawyers are models of rectitude?

Sounhappy,

I am married to an engineer! I definitely giggle at this joke!

Engineer….I love it, Need!

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates of St. Peter. St Peter checks his dossier and says, “Ah, you’re an engineer, you’re assigned to hell.”

The engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. The engineer becomes dissatisfied with the level of accommodations and starts designing and building improvements.

Pretty soon they have air conditioning, escalators, elevators, flush toilets and more.

The engineer is a pretty popular guy!

God calls Satan on the telephone and says, “So, how’s it going down there in hell?”

Satan says, “Everything is going great! We have air conditioning, elevators, escalator and flush toilets. There’s no telling what this engineer will come up with next!

God says, “What? You have an engineer down there. He should never have gone down there. Send him back immediately!”

Satan says, “No way! I like having an engineer on my staff.”

God says, “Send him back or I will sue!”

Satan says, “Yeah, right! Just where are you going to get a lawyer?”

The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it’s still on my list.

I told him to be himself. That was pretty mean, I guess.

I wanted to give you a funny birthday card this year, but at your age I was afraid that you would pee on yourself.

Few women admit their age. Few men act it.

The older we get, the earlier it gets late.

Why do seniors go to bed early?

To dream about the good old days.

Why do seniors cross the street?

They forgot where they parked their car.

Why do seniors never answer their phone?

They are busy looking for it.

What do seniors and newborns have in common?

They will both nap anywhere.

They say kids have selective hearing, but seniors do too. We just turn our hearing aids off.

You know you’re a senior when finding your glasses becomes an all day task.

I may be old but I am still younger than Mick Jagger.

Aging gracefully is a nice way of saying that you’re slowly looking worse.

At my age the only pole dancing I do is holding onto the bars in the shower!

Why do old people complain?

Because they can get away with it.

Why do old people wear comfortable clothes?

Because they earned the right to be comfortable.

Why do seniors love to talk about the weather? Because it’s the one thing they can still remember.

Why did the senior cross the road? To get to the early bird special.

What do you call a young person’s cane? A selfie stick.

Prayer for Seniors

God grant me the senility to forget the people that I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to know the difference.

Ah…the modern days

I just saw a grandpa help a youngster who was staring into his phone cross the street.

A frustrated wife told me her view of retirement:

“Twice as much husband, half as much pay.”