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Q. What kind of birds stick together?


A. Velcrows
(5)
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What does an escalator say when it stops working?

Nothing, it just stairs.
(5)
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Estrogen is the nurturing hormone that makes us want to take care of everyone else before ourselves.

Who do I have to thank for this miracle of biology that allows us to wake up to reality after we age more and estrogen declines?
(2)
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❤️🙂
"The most stable thing in my life is
my breakfast routine."
(3)
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🙂
“About 4 minutes into my run, I decided I want to work on my personality instead.”
(6)
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this is a good quote for anyone one doesn’t like:

🙂 
"The only thing I don't like about you
is that constant
inhaling & exhaling habit you have."
(3)
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🙂
"UNSTOPPABLE
if only I could get started."
(4)
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🙂🙂
"Let's just agree that I'm right."
(2)
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BOJ,
I do agree that you are right to the extent that it's only when I am wrong.
(3)
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🙂
I like long walks,
especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
(3)
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😉
You are enough.




We don't need more of you.
(6)
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Not a joke, but a story that I found funny from our friend John. He was married as a young man in Melbourne. Two weeks later his bride’s father had a stroke, and she went back home ‘to do her duty’. After some terse discussion, John quit, left Melbourne, and like many embittered young men he went north. He stopped at Alice Springs, where marriage was definitely optional. Like many other men, he found another partner and settled down. Some years later, they went south for a holiday. Having a snack at a pavement cafe in Melbourne, a strange woman stopped and said hello....“Who was that, an old friend?” …… “Well actually she’s my wife”! Now he was reminded, he got a divorce.
(2)
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Officer stops a trucker and asks: "Didn't you see the red light?"

"Yes, I saw it" he says.

Officer says: "then why didn't you stop?"

Trucker answers: "Because I didn't see you."
(8)
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😉😉

I have hor*rible taste in men.
If I have ever liked you, please work on yourself.
(6)
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😉😉
Common sense is so rare these days, it is qualified as a super power.
(4)
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🙂🙂

Caregiver flu:

It’s like the regular flu, except no one cares.
(7)
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“A caregiver in bed will remain in bed until acted upon by a large enough panic.”
—Newton’s lesser known fourth law
(3)
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2 guys walk into a bar...3rd one ducked...da-da-dum. lol.
(2)
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🥰
Do you ever wake up,
kiss the person sleeping beside you,
feel glad that you’re alive?

Well…
I just did
and apparently I won’t be allowed on this airline again.
(7)
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❤️🙂
“I decided to kill off a few characters 
in the book I'm writing.
I feel it will really spice up my autobiography.”
(5)
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❤️🙂
"When in doubt,
blame Monday."
(3)
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🙂🎄🎄❄️❄️
“Dear Santa,
It was just 🎅🏻 a phase…”
(2)
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I don't like elevator music

why?

it is so bad on so many levels
(5)
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🙂🙂
"If no one from the future came to stop you, how bad can it be?"
(3)
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Our cleaning lady just called.
She is working from home,
and will call in to give us instructions
on what to do.
(6)
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Cher belts out the song:
"If I could turn back time..."

Well, now we all can turn back time this Sunday.
(2)
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😉🌸
Sometimes it’s better to be alone,
especially when you have food.
(4)
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🙂🙂
“People who sleep all night without waking up, how does it feel to be God’s favorites?”
(3)
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Written instructions on "how to remove leaves from your lawn".

By Ray King
(4)
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😉
“You CAN have everything you want…But sometimes you have to change what you want.”
(4)
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