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😉🥰
Young at heart.
…Slightly older in other places.
(3)
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😉
One minute you’re young, hip & carefree and the next minute you’re photographing vegetables in your garden.
(4)
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😉
Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.
(2)
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😉
Always remember that your present situation is not your final destination.
There is more lovely crap yet to come.
(4)
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Accordion to a recent study, 7 out of 10 people don’t notice when a word in a sentence is replaced by a musical instrument.
(5)
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Don't ever sit on the floor without a solid plan on how to get back up.
(5)
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🙂🙂🙂🙂
I've found that
if you tuck one part of your pant legs into your sock,
people expect less of you.
(2)
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😉
I have no super powers.
Guess I must be the villain.
(3)
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🙂🙂🙂🙂
Happiness is
...acting like a total freak to annoy someone.
(2)
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😉
It's the worst day of your life so far!
(1)
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😉
Nobody gets me like you get me.
There might be something wrong with you.
(2)
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🙂🙂🙂
I ate one brownie today instead of the entire pan.
Pretty sure I am a life coach now.
(4)
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🙂🙂🙂
I just cleared out some space in the freezer
sounds more productive
than I just polished off a pint of ice cream.
(3)
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🙂🙂🙂
When does hibernation start?
I’d like to participate this year.
(2)
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🙂
I’m so sick of my problems!
I want rich people’s problems. Like where to park my yacht.
(3)
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I work for myself, which is fun.
Except when I call in sick, I know I’m lying.
(3)
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🙂
Time is precious,
waste it wisely.
(2)
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Siri, skip to Friday.
(2)
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🙂 true story

I'm a hero!
I just rescued a pair of shoes. They were trapped in a store.
(2)
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🙂
Please stop warning people
not to ingest disinfectant. We
should let this one play out.
(2)
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🙂
I have the best taste in clothes.
I'm just too poor to prove it.
(2)
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🙂
9 out of 10 times when I lose something...
it's because I put it in a safe place.
(3)
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🙂
Worst thing you can do while cleaning
is to sit down "for just a minute".
(3)
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🙂🙂🙂
Why aren’t koalas actually bears?
They don’t meet the koalafications.
(2)
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🙂🙂🙂
I just saw two zombies on a date. And they say romance is dead.
(1)
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😍
Ladies, if he can’t appreciate your fruit jokes, you gotta let that mango.
(6)
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🙂🙂🙂
Not to brag
but I totally
got out of bed today.
(3)
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🌈🙂🌈
Today I’m drinking some positiviTEA.
☕️☕️☕️
(2)
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🤓

SEX!!!!!!

Now that I’ve got your attention…
SMILE and have the best day possible…

❤️🙂
(2)
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🙂
Whenever I'm feeling fat, I try not to stress about it
and just keep my chins up.
(3)
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