I decided to start a joke discussion because we as caregivers need our load lightened. We need to laugh at our own situations and those of others to take away the sting and pain we go through. If you have a joke that's racy then give a heads up at the beginning of your post for those who might not want to read your post. We need to avoid that kind of humor. Please don't come on this thread and berate anyone for their choices of humor. This is our place to let go of criticism. Thanks for sharing!!!! ;o)
She asks him, "Wouldn't it be better to look for her than to talk to me?"
And the married man answers her: "But it won't be necessary... every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere...".
“Is everything okay pal?” the bartender asks.
“My wife and I got into a fight and she isn’t talking to me for a month!”
The bartender says, “Well, maybe that’s kind of a good thing. You know,..a little peace and quiet?”
“Yea. But today is the last day!”
He said, 'It was your striking natural beauty."
She said, "I thought it was my witty and intelligent brain."
He said "See, you looked great saying that!"
Husband takes off shirt, hands it to Wife and says, "Iron that"
After the husband picked up the phone, his wife said, "Where are you, you know we have lots to do!"
He said, "You remember the jewelers we went into about 10 years ago, and you fell in love with that diamond necklace? I could not afford it at the time and I said that one day I would get it for you?"
Little tears flowed down her cheeks and she got all choked up and said, "Yes, I do remember that shop!!!"
"Well I am in the yoyo shop next door to that.
So the couple produces photos of their 50-foot motor home, which is clean and well maintained and equipped with a beautiful nursery.
The social workers are satisfied by this but then raise concerns about the kind of education a child would receive while in the couple’s care.
The husband puts their mind at ease, saying, “We’ve arranged for a full-time tutor who will teach the child all the usual subjects along with French, Mandarin, and computer skills.”
Next though, the social workers express concern about a child being raised in a circus environment.
This time the wife explains, “Our nanny is a certified expert in pediatric care, welfare, and diet.”
The social workers are finally - satisfied - and ask the couple, “What age child are you hoping to adopt?”
The husband says, “It doesn’t really matter, as long as the kid fits in the cannon.”
Me: Who sings this song?
Husband: names artist.
Me: Let’s keep it that way.
We are going to spend two weeks under the fridge.
Lock your dog and your wife in the trunk of your car and open it after a bit.
Guess who’ll be happy to see you.
old man what was his secret for longevity.
“I don’t argue with idiots,” the man replied.
“What?!” answered the journalist, “There’s no way that’s related to a long life!”
“You’re probably right,” the old man said.
Husband: Bath, kitchen, living room…
Just kidding, coffee first. Safety is like 3rd or 4th.
You'll have to come here. Bring coffee.
I love it!
Not a joke but a funny story that reminded me of an episode from Curb Your Enthusiasm. Hahaha 😝.
My daughter is sick. She went to the doctor. The doctor wrote a few scripts for her and she was able to pick up one of them but the other one wasn’t ready.
She decided to get the second script delivered because she was feeling so funky.
They didn’t deliver it. So, she called them when she was out walking her dog.
She asked them since she was near the pharmacy walking her dog if she could she swing by and get her meds in the drive through.
The pharmacy (Walgreens) said that she could do that.
So, she is walking in the drive through, just like Larry David was walking in the fast food drive through line when his car broke down, LOL 😆.
She gets to the front of the line and then the woman says, “Can you meet me at the back door please because we have a policy that we can’t serve you if you’re not in a car.”
So, she and her dog went to the back door to pick up her script.
She lives a couple of blocks away from the pharmacy which is on a busy street.
Her neighborhood is very walkable. It’s easier to walk than to drive and have to find parking.
Most of the shop owners have water bowls out for the dogs and allow dogs in their shops but not at Walgreens.
All of the owners of the boutiques and coffee shops keep dog treats and invite them in. The owners bring their own dogs to work with them.
Husband: How can I? I don't even know her.
Husband: I doubt I can hit the jackpot twice in a day!! 🙂
Husband: OK.
Wife: Don’t you want to know the reason?
Husband: No, I respect & trust your decision. 🙂
Wife: No, I will live with my sister. Will you marry after I die?
Husband: No, I will also live with your sister.
The second man says, “You’re lucky! Mine’s still alive.”