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🙂 “I’m not spoiled. Just well loved.”

“I work hard so my dog can live the dream.”

“I’ve run the numbers. We’re allowed to get 3 more cats.”
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❤️🙂 “Let’s face it, I was crazy before the cats.”
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🙂🙂 “Am I the only one who spent a large portion of my childhood waiting for my superpowers to start working?”

🏖🏖 …still waiting.
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🙂

“I hate it when I don’t forward a chain letter, and I die the next day.”
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❤️🙂

"I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way (s)he handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights."
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“A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that ‘individuality’ is the key to success.” 

🙂
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“When parents say to kids “go to your room & think about what you’ve done” it’s really good practice for what you’ll do every night as an adult.”

🙂
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“Mirror, mirror, on the wall, I am my mother after all!”

🙂
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🙂 “Why didn’t the skeleton go to prom? He had no body to go with.”
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❤️🙂

“Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you’ll get if you’re able to ‘fall asleep right now.”

“Whoever said, ‘It’s not whether you win or lose that counts,’ probably lost.”

“Best Friends. They know how crazy you are and still choose to be seen with you in public.”
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“Do people who run know that we’re not food anymore?”
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"There are many challenges to long distance running, but one of the greatest is the question of where to put one’s house keys."

"Jogging is for people who aren't intelligent enough to watch TV."

"Life is short. Running makes it seem longer."

"Run like hell and get the agony over with."

🙃 "I don't think jogging is healthy, especially morning jogging. If morning joggers knew how tempting they looked to morning motorists, they would stay home and do sit-ups."

"How do you know if someone ran a marathon? Don’t worry, they’ll tell you."

🙂🙂 "We can’t all be heroes because someone has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by."
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🙃🙃🙃

“The most difficult thing about a marathon? Working it into every conversation for the next year.”

“Don’t be a jogger, they’re the one’s who find dead bodies.”

“This is a lot of work for a free banana.”

“I’ve got 99 problems, so I went on a run to ignore them all.” 

“It’s a hill. Get over it.”
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🙃🙃🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️

“If found on the ground, please drag over the finish line.”
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🙂 “There are too many witnesses for me to tell you what I really think.”
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😴😴 “If the monster comes out of the closet tonight, say hi for me then go back to sleep.”

“Trust dogs. They always know who to stay away from.”

😎😎🤓 “Having a bad day? No worries! Wear sunglasses. Now you’re having a bad evening.”
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❤️ “It’s OK if you fall apart sometimes. Tacos fall apart and we still love them.”
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❤️🙂

“Dear abs, maybe we will meet someday."

"Abs are great, but have you tried donuts?"
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"I choked on a carrot this afternoon and all I could think was, 'I bet a donut wouldn't have done this to me.'"

🤪🤪 "Donut worry, be happy." 

❤️ "When you kinda want abs, but you kinda wanna eat 17 donuts and 3 large pizzas."
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❤️

“The most common cause of stress nowadays is daily contact with idiots.”
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❤️ 

“Two things: 1. Where have you been all my life? 2. Can you please go back there?”
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🙂

“I don’t think I meet the height requirement to ride your emotional rollercoaster.”
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‎🙂 "I've tried yoga, but I find stress less boring."
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‎🙂

"I’m not judging you. I’m just trying to guess what medications you’re on.”
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‎🙂 

"Not to brag, but I haven’t had a mood swing in, like, 7 minutes.”
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🤓🤓 “To achieve great things, two things are needed: a plan and not quite enough time.”
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❤️ 

Dealing with stress at work:
1.Stand up
2.Take a walk
3.Take a cab
4.Go to the airport
5.Never return
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🤓

“Stupidity is not a crime so you’re free to go.”

“Stupidity never takes a day off.”

“Beauty fades, dumb is forever.”

“I started the week with a big box of patience. The box is empty now.”

❤️🙂 “My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking that I’d have to do.”
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❤️🙂 10 facts about you:

1. You're reading this right now.
2. You're realizing that is a stupid fact.
4. You didn't notice I skipped three.
5. You're checking now.
6. You're smiling.
7. You're still reading this even thought it's stupid.
9. You didn't realize I skipped eight.
10. You're checking again and smiling about how you fell for it again.
11. You're enjoying this.
12. You didn't realize there's only supposed to be ten facts.
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❤️🙂 goooodnight. hope you’re all well!…on my side, i need to get wiser. tonight, some confucius quotes:

“Man with no legs bums around.”

“Man who drop watch in whisky is wasting time.”

“Man who sneezes without tissue takes matters in his own hands.”

“Steal a man’s wallet and he’ll be poor for a week. Teach hockey to his kids and he’ll be poor forever.”

“Man who cut self while shaving, lose face.” 

“He who stick head in open window get pane in neck.”

🙂 “Give man fish, feed him for a day. Teach man to fish, man build industry, and destroy ecosystem.”
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