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Interviewer:
So tell me about yourself.

Me:
I'd rather not...I kinda want this job.
(4)
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"One advantage to talking to yourself is that you know at least somebody's listening."
(5)
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“If I had to describe myself in one word, it would be bad at following directions.”
(0)
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You know your getting old when "friends with benefits" means your group has someone that can drive at night
(7)
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My husband was going to Costco yesterday. I stayed home this time as I wasn't feeling well. I asked him if he could see if they had a new release of a book called "Table For Two". He replied why would they have that and if it was there why wouldn't it be called "Table For Ten".
(6)
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What time of day did God make Adam, just before Eve.

Just saw that on, little house on the prairie. 😂
(5)
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I wish I could take your pain away and give it to someone we really hate.
🙂
(4)
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"I pronounce you husband and wife, proceed with the execution."
(2)
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"I drank what?" - Socrates
(2)
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"If writers wrote as carelessly as some people talk, then adhasdh asdglaseuyt[bn[ pasdlgkhasdfasdf."
(1)
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"Statistics are like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital."
(2)
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"I couldn't fix your brakes so I made your horn louder."
(3)
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Don’t be a part of the problem. Be the whole problem.
(4)
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Today is the first day of the rest of your life. But then, so was yesterday and look how that turned out.
(1)
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Make sure to drink water so you can stay hydrated while you suffer.
(3)
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I think, therefore I get a headache.
(3)
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Even if you change the world, it doesn't mean it won't change right back.
(1)
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Always believe that something wonderful could never happen.
(0)
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It's never too late to give up.
(1)
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My dad has ALZ and has always been sarcastic and a smart …… I was sitting on the side of the tub while he was on the toilet at 3 am and he looks up at me and says “ wow, your hair looks really pretty “ and then came that laugh and smile ❤️
(2)
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Me:
I’m actually happy right now.
🥰🥰🙂🙂🥰🥰

Life:
LOL. Just give me a sec.
(2)
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🙃🙂🤪

The trick is, to not let
people know how really weird you are until it’s too late for them to back out.
(4)
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After, 4 babys, months of being pregnant, days of labor and delivery, months of breastfeeding, I almost know how bad my husband feels when he gets a cold.
(5)
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It’s been Monday all week.
(1)
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Honk if you like peace and quiet.
(3)
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Vacation begins when Dad says, “I know a short cut.”
(1)
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The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.
(2)
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People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.
(1)
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How did we kill time before smartphones? I honestly can't recall. I have a vague recollection of flipping through magazines in waiting-room-type situations, but what did we do, say, in line at the post office? Waiting for a bus? Waiting for someone to meet us at a restaurant? I mean, did we just look around or something?
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I went to watch Pavarotti once. He doesn't like it when you join in.
(4)
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