mrsribit Posted August 2012
Jokes needed to lighten our day. Enter at your own risk!
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"Listen, being the family disappointment is a tough job,
but someone has to step up
and take one for the team."
"One minute you're young and cool,
maybe even a little dangerous,
and the next minute you're reading amazon reviews for birdseed."
"I'm not sure about an inner child,
but I have an inner idiot who surfaces every now and then."
"I'll get over it.
I just gotta be dramatic first."
Anxiety:
Beware.
Me:
?? Can you be more specific?
Anxiety:
:)
"What state do you live in?'"
Constant anxiety.
"Yes. I have oreos. No. You may not have any."
Dear New Year Resolutions,
Well, it was fun while it lasted.
"I don't know who needs to hear this...
but you don't need anything from Amazon today."
I am a recovering people pleaser.
(Is that OK?)
"Sleep
is for people without internet."
"Hey overthinkers, we're gonna to be OK."
"Overthinking in progress."
"Quiet.
I'm overthinking."
***hole."
"I'm all out of clever things to say."
"Hold on. I've gotta overthink about it."
"I even overthink my overthinking."
.
.
.
.
.
A flat minor!
"My dog is a genius...
I asked him what is two minus two, he said nothing."
"My wife says I'm too competitive.
I told her I already knew that."
"Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted."
“The best years of a woman’s life…the 10 years between 39 and 40.”
“Grandpa, tell us about the days when you had to buy the whole album even if you only wanted one song.”
“The important thing to remember is that I’m probably going to forget.”
“By the time you’re 90 years old, you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.”
"Don't think of it as turning 30.
Think of it as being old."
"If you are going to call the cops
every time you spot me in your bushes
I don't think this relationship is going to work."