My mother has colitis, lymphedema, and diabetes. She's mentally sound, but is weighed down by her illness, her resulting depression, and the fact that she hardly sleeps anymore. I've been taking care of her for a few years now and feel like I can't take it anymore.
I have problems of my own (depression, anxiety disorder) that I barely cope with, but hearing her moaning in pain all the time, hearing her trying to clean up her accidents at 4am (she won't let me help), keeping her company when she's had a nightmare, worrying to death every time she screams for me, because I'm afraid she has hurt herself (she's had some pretty nasty accidents this year)... I just can't take it. I'm becoming resentful, although I know it's not her fault, and feel guilty whenever I have a moment of happiness, knowing how much she's suffering. We have no extended family and my dad is in jail, so there's no one to help me. We can't afford any sort of care or extra help either.
I'm sorry to rant. I'm just so tired and worn out. I don't know what to do anymore. She's overweight, and with her other problems, surgery to fix her colitis is really risky. There is a diet she can try that might help, but she's resistant, because she has eating disorder issues. Every "solution" just seems like a dead end. I just can't take it anymore, you guys. I'm at the end of my rope. I don't have a life anymore. I can't do anything. Although my own problems keep me from going to school, moving out, or getting a job, I couldn't even do those things if I wanted to! I'm bound to her, and we live in this house of illness, just rotting away, or so it feels.
Again, I'm sorry to rant so much. I'm just at the end of my rope with nowhere to turn. Thanks to anyone who listened. I really appreciate it and I'm glad I found this place.