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My mother has colitis, lymphedema, and diabetes. She's mentally sound, but is weighed down by her illness, her resulting depression, and the fact that she hardly sleeps anymore. I've been taking care of her for a few years now and feel like I can't take it anymore.

I have problems of my own (depression, anxiety disorder) that I barely cope with, but hearing her moaning in pain all the time, hearing her trying to clean up her accidents at 4am (she won't let me help), keeping her company when she's had a nightmare, worrying to death every time she screams for me, because I'm afraid she has hurt herself (she's had some pretty nasty accidents this year)... I just can't take it. I'm becoming resentful, although I know it's not her fault, and feel guilty whenever I have a moment of happiness, knowing how much she's suffering. We have no extended family and my dad is in jail, so there's no one to help me. We can't afford any sort of care or extra help either.

I'm sorry to rant. I'm just so tired and worn out. I don't know what to do anymore. She's overweight, and with her other problems, surgery to fix her colitis is really risky. There is a diet she can try that might help, but she's resistant, because she has eating disorder issues. Every "solution" just seems like a dead end. I just can't take it anymore, you guys. I'm at the end of my rope. I don't have a life anymore. I can't do anything. Although my own problems keep me from going to school, moving out, or getting a job, I couldn't even do those things if I wanted to! I'm bound to her, and we live in this house of illness, just rotting away, or so it feels.

Again, I'm sorry to rant so much. I'm just at the end of my rope with nowhere to turn. Thanks to anyone who listened. I really appreciate it and I'm glad I found this place.

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Peach: One thing you can do that is free is attend a caregiver support group. You need to meet other people. A support group will open some doors for you. Your local area on aging will be able to put you in contact with one.

Please call them and talk to the person who is in charge of care givers. They were very helpful to me. Make an appointment and meet with them face to face. You don't know what they can provide for you unless you take those steps. It may be much more than just a support group that they can offer.

Let us know what you learn. Make the call and get back to us. Hugs, Cattails
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Dear Peach, Please check into your local Area on Aging as others have suggested. If you are already qualifying for Medicaid they will be to get you some help. We didn't qualify, but they got a caregiver to come in 3 times a week, for a couple of hours each day and a life alert, and we pay about 75.00 a month. It has a least relieved the housework and bathing. I'm much more rested. When you are less stressed maybe you could find a work from home job or take some classes. You are young and you need a social life. Do you have any friends? They usually don't stick around when you are dealing with a full plate. Keep coming here, you will make a lot of friends that are always willing to support you in whatever way they can. Sweet dreams to you, Babygirl. Much love, Vivian
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Thank you everyone for your support. I really appreciate all of your advice. I'm completely lost right now.

Cattails, My mom is 56. My dad is serving a life sentence for child molestation, so we won't be seeing anymore of him. I am dependent on my mother, as I can't work and can't apply for any sort of government assistant. She has Medicare, Medicaid, and gets a disability check every month.

I'm afraid that there isn't much out there to help me right now. I've been looking for over a year for a therapist that I can afford. I found two, but they turned out to be duds. Even therapists that have sliding scale payment plans are too expensive. I looked through my insurance company, but all of the therapists that are available are too far away. I have no way to get there. I'm reading a lot of self-help books though, to try and help myself as much as I can.

JessieBelle, thank you for the suggestions. I will look into that and discuss it with my mom. At this point, I don't think it's possible for me to pursue school or a job. My mom just needs to be watched over too much. Maybe by the time I find a good therapist and make some progress, my mom will be well enough that I can get out and do those sorts of things.
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Peach, I agree so much with what other people said. These are probably the most important formative years of your life. Your are wonderful to help your mother, but losing these years will have too large of an impact on you. It sounds to me like your situation needs to be evaluated by a social worker. Please make an appointment with your county's human service social division to talk to them. They can evaluate your and your mother's needs and see what help is available to you.

If I can take care of you for a minute -- the only way to deal with anxiety is to just get out and do things that need to be done. I adopted the slogan "Feel the fear and do it anyway." It always helped me. Go to school and get your education. It will help give you confidence and self esteem. And I hope you meet a special person who is just right for you.

You and your mother may actually be closer if you aren't together all the time. Taking care of yourself is important. Good luck to you and let us know how it is going. I hope the county can help you find a way through this.
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Sorry for the double post. Cat
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Peach: You are so young, how old is your mom? Ladee suggested that you get in touch with your local Area on Aging. I would also suggest that you get in touch with your local department of social services. I don't know what your mom's income is, but maybe she could qualify for Medicaid. They can help with in-home care to give you a break.

I understand from your post that your dad is in jail. Is he is jail for long and do your parents normally live together? Are you dependent on your mom's income and the roof she puts over both of your heads?

Even if we can help you find help for your mom, you need help also. I read your post today on Caregiver's thread and the self-harming is not a good thing. So we have to help you and your mom.

Have you ever checked with your local Mental Health department. This would be part of Social Services, I believe.

We can make suggestions, but you have to be the one who takes some action. Maybe your mom can help and you can both make contact and see what assistance is available.

There is help out there. Please stay in touch and let us lend a hand.

Love and Hugs, Cattails
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Peach: You are so young, how old is your mom? Ladee suggested that you get in touch with your local Area on Aging. I would also suggest that you get in touch with your local department of social services. I don't know what your mom's income is, but maybe she could qualify for Medicaid. They can help with in-home care to give you a break.

I understand from your post that your dad is in jail. Is he is jail for long and do your parents normally live together? Are you dependent on your mom's income and the roof she puts over both of your heads?

Even if we can help you find help for your mom, you need help also. I read your post today on Caregiver's thread and the self-harming is not a good thing. So we have to help you and your mom.

Have you ever checked with your local Mental Health department. This would be part of Social Services, I believe.

We can make suggestions, but you have to be the one who takes some action. Maybe your mom can help and you can both make contact and see what assistance is available.

There is help out there. Please stay in touch and let us lend a hand.

Love and Hugs, Cattails
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And we are happy you found this place too... first, there are blue boxes at the top of the page, click on the one Caregiver Support, then click on Find Agencies on Aging... this will direct you to some help.... let us know if you found anything that helped you find some solutions .... there are many ways for you to get some help, and you many have to do a little work finding them,,, but they are out there... and others will have suggestions also...
I am pretty sure all of us understand how you feel, doesn't matter your age or how long we've been doing this... tired is tired.... and we are all tired for many reason... I am grateful you have asked for help... hopefully you will get many suggestions and be on your way to getting some solutions and a break.... I admire you greatly for the job you are doing... and I will say again, we do unerstand how you feel.... so let us know if you found anything that helped... hugs across the miles to you.....
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