I got a call at work from one of the caregivers to tell me she got and "odd call" from my mother. She didn't answer the phone as she was in the bathroom but Mom left a message. Mom called to tell her that morning caregiver was sick and that afternoon caregiver may not want to come in because she may get it. Morning caregiver called me at 5:54 this morning (now mind you she comes in to work at 7 am) to ask if Mom told me she had been at doctor yesterday. Mom didn't tell me, plus Mom has mild dementia so Mom probably didn't remember if she had been told. IT IS NOT MOM'S RESPONSIBILITY TO TELL ME WHEN A CAREGIVER IS SICK...IT IS THEIRS!!! ARGH! Then afternoon caregiver goes on to tell me that Mom has been "snippy" and wants to rearrange her bedroom again and how Daddy moved all that furniture by himself so caregiver should be able to.

I am not in high school anymore. It is pitiful that grown women (in their 50's) have to act like this!

Thanks for listening!

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Given that your mother has dementia, and assuming that she's bonding with the caregivers, I think it just might be her way of trying to ensure that the caregivers know what the situation is.

I certainly know that incidents like this can be frustrating; sometimes something that might otherwise be commonplace can really be irritating.

I would contact the caregivers or the agency and just politely go over the contact rules to make sure everyone understands what you want.

The situation I would find frustrating is when no one lets me know what's going on; I'm fortunate in that the neighbors are always great for keeping me in the loop.

An agency is wonderful, because someone can cover for an inability of a caregiver to be there. Also, keeping a folder for my aunt's needs, and pages for the caregiver(s) to communicate complaints, activities, etc. List the only reasons they should call you at work.

You must set up some rules. If these caregivers are employed directly by you, then if you have not already done so then create a written contract that is signed and dated by your employees. Get legal advice to make it legal. If your mother's caretakers come from an agency then let them know what problems you are having. Employers have in place policies about calling out. Ususally a minimum of two hours must be given before the shift starts but have seen more required. Also make it clear that they only communicate with you you about callouts. If youhire care takers yourself, you must be prepared to be an employer, and a supervisor to your employees.
You also need a backup plan so you can quickly replace a caregiver who can't show up and you can't be there either. This might mean keeping an agency , an adult daycare ,family members or other possible caregivers on speeddial.
The caregiver who did not show up because of her germ phobia would not last long with me. If you are taking care of people than you are always going to be exposed to their germs, bacteria and viruses if they are not well. I would not have someone around who would be a sudden know show or call out the next day upon hearing the first cough or sniffle.

I don't have any advice for you, but vent away. It comes with the territory. Some caregivers are very dependable and professional, and it's wonderful when you find someone like that. Others -- not so much.
My mother's current caregiver is very good. They tolerate each other well and I can rely on her. This is through an agency, which is helpful because if she can't make it (and she always gives a few days notice), then the agency will scramble to find someone to cover and will notify my mother and me.
For a little while, we had a second person split the schedule, and I had issues with her lack of professionalism from Day 1. She griped about things that were part of her job description, that she agreed to do, and that she was paid to do. But she'd complain to me, AND to my mother, which really irritated me. I didn't want to make too many waves in the beginning, so I asked the agency to confirm that the things she was bitching about were things she was paid to do. Within a few weeks though - problem solved, she quit.
I get that it's hard work and doesn't pay that well, but if YOU'RE the one with the job, and you're getting PAID to do it, then it's not my responsibility to make you HAPPIER about it.

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