My daughters and I have taken care of my parents, daily, for the last 4 years. Mom has AZ and dad is frail. Both live at home. My brother has been absent all this time. Dad did not even trust him to be in the house. After a brief hospitalization, my dad has changed his stance. Now, my brother is the perfect caregiver and my daughters and I are looked at as intruders. We are ignored if we come over and criticized for everything we had done in the past. Going there or calling them just leads to abusive treatment. I have not been there in a month. I plan on going there tomorrow because I feel guilty, but I want to confront my fathers behavior. I am so angry and hurt.
Secondly, if you have the willpower to do so; maybe you and your family should step back and let your brother handle your dad; he may sicken of the caregiver responsibilities and beg you to step back in -- then you'll be in the driver's seat again.
Years ago, this same brother wanted my father to sell his house and give him his inheritance then.....My last few phone conversations with him resulted in screaming matches. I will not call him.
Is this something you could ever have expected your dad to do?
Based on your last exchange with your father, you have nothing to lose by asking your brother straight out what happened between the time he re-entered your dad's life and now. You may get a bunch of BS or you may get some valuable information.
I am concerned about the POA. Do you think your brother is trying to get his hands on your parents' money? Was your brother estranged from his parents and now they've reconciled? Maybe your father has given your brother a very distorted impression of what's been going on in the house.
Keep your cool if you decide to contact your brother or it will dissolve into a worse situation. Just stick to the facts.
Try to take comfort in the fact that you've been doing the loving, decent thing for 4 years. I'm sorry for you and your children.
I took care of my mother along with help from my adult son and daughter after my dad died. As her health went downhill so did her gratitude. No dementia, thank goodness. To fast forward, she wound up disowning all three of us, wrote us out of her will, gave our POA to my sister, and left her estate such a mess by making sister executor of her will that I'm now paying a lawyer to keep me from being sued. Angry doesn't begin to describe how I feel towards my mother.
I understand your concern for your daughter. This is no way for a grandfather to treat his loving granddaughter. It's no way for you to be treated either. It is beyond belief how elderly parents can turn on a dime. It gives new meaning to "biting the hand that feeds you". I can't offer you any advice only understanding as a fellow traveller down this hellish road.
sounds like brother swooped in and made amends. Some elders are very fickle, whoever is paying attention to them at the moment is now their buddy. My mother was like that. It is indeed hurtful when you've devoted so much care and they turn on you. Go see your dad, be prepared for the worse so you won't be blindsided and see what you can find out. This is so sad and I'm very sorry you have to go through it.